The other night. No judgement please.

I just wanted to makeout. I didn't want to make him leave in the middle of the night. I thought it was weird that right after I let him kiss me,he was practically two seconds later trying to stick his fingers in me on the couch. I took it as a sign of inexperience. Maybe i'm just too old-fashioned or naive but I thought once I let him kiss me,we'd just kiss,and make out,and maybe above the belt caressing at the most. I found him very attractive when he came by. I wasn't sure if i would be attracted to him and wanted to find out by us finally seeing each other again. I thought sure,maybe if i was really in the mood and really wanted to,MAYBE i'd consider more happening but he definitely moved faster then I wanted. And,the thing i did find most eerie was he seemed more forceful once sober the next morning.

If both parties agree to that, then there should be no problem.

The trick is, who is gonna put the bell on the cat?!

Yes,at first he seemed to really like me and I wasn't sure i liked him then he displayed himself as a jerk and i lost all interest. Then,he reappeared when i was having low times and was really there for me. The only one who was. I'm not sure if he is controlling or not. Still watching out for that. He does seem a little jealous at times,but like he hides it. We were talking once,and then he got mad,and so I checked into on a social media that I was at a cafe and i noticed he then right away texted me and then got distant again once i answered him. He is a different race then me,actually but i think he is mixed and he is very americanized and has traveled some. He does punish me a lot. That's one thing i notice heavily. If I don't give him certain things,or meet on his timeline he wants,i notice he will try to punish me by being distant or being mean to me in texts saying rude things like go to bed or "**** you" or little things like that.He has said if we were in a relationship,he'd want me over at his place most nights and that scares me a little because I like to build up to getting closer to people. It scared me that he stayed at my house til after noon and had wanted to stay the whole day and then after he left,a few hours later,wanted me to come by his house. I like a little space to be myself. The other thing that came to me though,is he knows i was having issues with my ex and i told him certain things so he knows I still talk and see my ex so i wonder if this has made him more nervous and jealous,too. He doesn't say much about it when i've brought up things,but maybe it is playing a part. I told him though my ex has a gf and things like that so he doesn't think it's something different then it is.

i still stand by that i don't think he is that experienced. There's just too many little odd things that give me that feeling. I believe he's had sex before. But,maybe he's just had a few one time stands. I'm just so confused. Because,yes,it's true if he is doing what he did to me to others,how would he get away with that? I just can't buy it. Something doesn't add up.I do need some girlfriends. I don't know how to get that right now. I can't tell anyone about this so it's staying with just me.

You're kind of inexperienced, yourself, or you wouldn't be taking risks like this. Keep bringing home horney guys you don't know very well, and you are going to learn some hard lessons.

This guy, actually, doesn't sound all that dangerous to me. That's been lucky for you.

I like him because he makes me feel beautiful,flaws and all. I like that he is dominant and take control and chivalrous and seems like he'd take care of me. I like his voice,and hair and that he'e stylish and that he works in my field. I like the work he does. i like that he right away unfollowed this girl who was mean to me years ago that i told him about on our first date and agreed what she did was bogus to me. I like that he seemed so polite and positive minded when we first met even though i was really late.I like that he was willing to ride his bike all the way to me. I like that he found out all these crazy things about me and still likes me and has said i'm not going to push him away. I like that he says im the first girl he had a crush on when he moved here. I like that he said he loves me. I like that he fits certain requirements of what i want in a guy.

Some things i don't like are i wish he was a little less clingy. I would've liked to moved a little slower when he came by the other night. I don't like that he plays games with texting me when he is mad at me. There's some other little things,too. I also wish he drove but most guys in the city don't so it's not a big deal.

I'm not sure how inexperienced i am. In some ways,i feel very experienced. In other ways,not very at all. I haven't been in a relationship in forever. I'd really like to talk to him and get these things out there for him but we are currently now in limbo because i didn't respond to his text about coming by the other day. He hasn't been ignoring me but he's been more distant and and i've been following that lead so we both seem like we are being distant to each. I told my friend what should i do. i didn't tell him all this stuff and i'm not going to. i just told him about him wanting a relationship and how i ignored his text and now we've been distant and he told me i should text him asking how is his day going so i did and then about an hour later he replied saying it was going fine,just work as usual. I responded back saying i've been stressed about family things and he's not responded yet. I wasn't trying to be a tease though. i was just being myself. In low points the past weeks,i felt really really bad so i said some things but i also told him i was very hesistant and we werent having sex and that i want to take things slow,etc,etc. He had even said he'd wait a year to have sex with me.

[QUOTE=healingme4me;4872213]Yeah,i don't want to be worn down. I had thought since I feel like i'm more experienced then him that i could try and "teach" him how to pace things and move things along. I am slightly older,too though i don't really think the age thing makes a difference.

Why?

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You seem to attract sick people. You should treat that.

He's charming,yeah,idk if more then average or not. Have no idea if he is jealous. If so,so far,it only seems a normal amount of jealous. I'd say yes to manipulative due to the fact that he punishes me with his games when he doesn't get what he wants but i feel like most people are manipulative. Not sure yet if he is controlling. Any things thus far are minor,normal things. Have not seen him act like a victim about his life. His life seems very put together and stable. He doesn't talk much about his life,though. Not narcissistic. I am self absorbed though.He doesn't seem inconsistent,really. Only when he is mad,but tries to hide it does his moods get weird. Not at all critical. He has said i don't know how to text because my texts go all over the place and i'm hard to follow but that doesn't seem like a wrong thing to say. Have no idea if he is trying to disconnect me. He once or twice said i need to get my mom under control when I was complaining about her,but again,I was venting so that's normal,i'm sure. Not hypersensitive that i'm aware of. He is not vicious or repentant. 12 Traits of an Abuser | CBN.com (beta)

He just gets anger flareups but i've been difficult,too. Mainly,i just think the clinginess is confusing. The sexual forcefulness i wonder if it's my fault. And,i don't like how he punishes me with texting b.s games.

Yeah,i told him ahead of time no sex and that i meant it and me inviting him over wasnt code word for sex. I did imply or say we can kiss next time we hung out.Plus,kissing for a 2nd date,i think is normal and ok.

This is the first time i've ever brought a guy into my home...I always was so nervous to and he knew this. I was a nervous wreck. My ex encouraged me that I should go ahead and try it and we both thought it would be fine. He made sure I told him it wouldn't be dangerous,and all that first and that I knew the guy well enough.

Why,what? Why don't I think the age is a difference? Because,in my experience guys never really "grow up." i've dated younger guys who had it way more together and did all the right things but still immature in ways,and older guys who still played games,too. I'm also very child-like for my age so tend to seem younger then I am. Someone on here actually said i seem like i'm 18 but i'm not. If you mean,why don't i want to be worn out,well i already get fear of committment but really want to do things differently now after all my hardships. I've wanted a relationship for awhile now,but always get scared and push the guys away and then they go away thinking i don't like them and that i'm difficult. But,i also need to be careful not to be too eager or a pushover otherwise,i fear ill get taken for granted,too.

Based on one guy? I don't think he is sick.

Oh, well, in that case . . . what could possibly go wrong?

Why would you want to play the teacher? Be the one to change him?

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I don't but idk,i dated a guy who was very inexperienced last winter,and had to take the lead a little bit teaching how to date. It wasn't my natural role at all. But,if he doesn't know what to do,maybe i need to kind of show him?

We just got into a big fight. He was responding very weird to me like he was faking interest and so i told him he sounds weird and i'll just stop texting him and he said whatever and then i asked him what does he even like about me and he said omg and that he always keeps trying to see me and i say no and i told him are you crazy i just seen you and that he was the only thing that made me happy the last few weeks and that i am so lost on and confused by him. he said he wanted to see me again. I told him was i imagining that he was here,was it all in my head. No response now. I do NOT like his games at all. I didn't plan on fighting but his responses drove me nuts and it just came out.

I hate him. he is too confusing.

There I was about to respond to your reply to me.

Even in learning how to date and treat a woman, something seems lost on this one. I was going to write that if this is a project you want to undertake, it might be exhausting, keep your eyes open and any blinders off.

But he sounds overbearing.

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I'm just so confused. Is he really expecting me to suddenly see him daily? That is off to me. That screams inexperience AND insecurity. At least now i have it confirmed why he's been weird towards me. What ever happened to seeing a girl and having a good time and following up with her after,keeping in touch a little and then planning a date for the next weekend?He's really mad at me. I get being a little mad because i didn't even respond to that text but i am trying to be communicative and was even nice to him saying he made me happy these past weeks and its like he doesnt even care.It's like he has a mental block. I can't see how he possibly ever had a gf if this is how he behaves.

There's this joke I have heard made about men having prostate exams. "He could have at least taken me to dinner, first."

You're correct to expect these things. Why it's not happening is beyond me . Orgasms are fine and dandy, but there's a certain intimacy that comes from everything else. He sounds aggressive in bed and dominating via text and perhaps too much porn? Does his mom not receive flowers? Did he lack being nurtured?

Certainly there's excitement to having a new lover, but this doesn't sound close. Even lovers buy dinner.

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Annabellacat - stay the hell away from this guy!

I couldn't even finish reading the 2nd paragraph of your original post without thinking, NO, NO, NO!

Do you not see that he is dangerous? Do you not see that he is interpreting your lack of boundaries as a "clear signal" to do whatever he wants with you? I do not believe rape is ever the fault of the victim, but you are crossing the line.

Insecure? Inexperienced? You have to be kidding. He is playing you.
Why would a guy that is interested in pleasing himself through power, control, and domination ever learn the art of seduction, taking it slow, and pleasing a woman??

I think you may want to take some time out and reflect on the differences between sex and intimacy, sex and seductiveness, true interest and overt inappropriate attention. You may be mixing things up quite royally for yourself, irrespective of this particular individual. That would not be a path to happiness.

I have no idea about porn. I like to hope he doesn't even watch that stuff as i'm very against that. I do wonder about his family issues. he may have. Well,we are still very early with each other. We went for drinks the first time and we were going to go for drinks again but i changed it to him bringing alcohol to me and i had candy at the house and we'd hang out. He's already suggested all the things before like getting brunch,doing all the things i like to do,and going to movies,and so on. I think that's not so much an issues moreso that he just seems to want to rush me into seeing him again and is taking me not rushing as a rejection which it wasn't. I have a very picky diet and don't even really prefer dinner dates tbh. I prefer going for drinks. It's more fun and casual and easier. But,last time i didn't want to was because of reasons on my end. It's also super cold out right now,so that's a consideration. I can't help but think i'd really like to have a guy i like by valentine's day this year and how fun that'd be. I would love to do a date at their place and have like homecooked food,or order in and have gifts. Ah,that would be so sweet. I wouldn't want to go out on valentines day probably because everything crazy busy and everyone out. Idk. Maybe i sound desperate still but last year, a guy and i ended right before valentines day and it really was annoying. I had very hard times the last few months,and all the recent holidays ended up i didn't do anything because of it so i want to make valentines day amazing this year! I will with or without a guy but just saying if there was a guy and it was him,that'd be nice.

I disagree with the statement that no one ,"set themselves up" to be raped.

I believe that many young women with poor self esteem will allow themselves to get into situations where they are raped. It's not their fault. Some cute nice guy lures them into a situation where "NO!" means nothing to the guy.

But the unfortunate victim doesn't recognize what is happening . And then it happens.

So sorry this happened to you. Learn something from it so, hopefully, it doesn't happen again.