The other night. No judgement please.

Which part?

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I don't see him obsessed with you. I kind of see that you are obsessed with him and you don't even know him. You analyze a guy whom you don't even know.

He isn't interested in dating. He was interested in getting drunk and doing whatever he could even if fingering a girl. He then wants you to come over to his house so now you two can continue. He never asks to date you and there is nothing here about romance and dating. It's not what dating is.

He doesn't appear clingy as you described him but simply horny. He wants sex and if he doesn't get it he could at least finger a girl. If you want to start dating then look for guys who want to date you. He does not.

Even if he isn't dangerous ( I still think he is) he isn't into dating you. He doesn't sound like having a crush but rather very Horny and now he thinks he can get it from you as he already got a lot from you that isn't the norm that soon like eating you from behind or shoving fingers in you or making you take underwear off or other nonsense he did. Then you say you don't like things to happen to soon but this as soon as anything!!! What the heck? This isn't him having a crush at all

You deserve better. Are you in therapy? I highly recommend it. Please seek some type of help

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Ok,i figured it out. Why do i still want to be with him? Because,he's one of very very few people now i ever told about my anxiety issues. Because,maybe he can help me and inspire me to be better. I only have one main support person for my anxiety issues. And,this will sound cheesy,but guys i date,they tend to inspire me to become better. Some of my biggest accomplishments from overcoming my anxiety issues were from while i was dating someone. And,on top of that,while we were watching the movie,i made a comment that i had thought about recently that was related to the movie line about how it takes a special kind of guy to love a crazy girl. And,he looked at me thoughtfully and attentive,and asked what i meant by that,it was a slight moment where he knew i was talking about me,and he seemed he wanted to be that so i told him yeah,like patient,and strong. It was actually kind of the only deep moment we even had that night. It's hard to describe.So,anyways,very few people know about my anxiety issues. He's somehow gotten closer to me then other guys in ways. He knows things others i've dated and adored never knew. And,he's been in my apartment which is also something of a first for me with guys i've dated.I may very well never see him again,but that means something.

Oh. Hmm. Not sure why he did it. Though,i did say in my original post that I had told him once in a low moment(December had some of my lowest moments ever) that I wish a certain guy from my past had just strangled me,it would've been like a kiss instead of ending it with me how he did. or something like that,i forgot. maybe he's paid a heck of a lot more attention then i realized and decided maybe i'm into things like that. That's one of the reasons i've been so confused. Was he like the way he was thinking it's what i wanted? Maybe he's not a rapist? Or,maybe that doesn't matter.

We met at a job. He booked me for it and I was really late and so we only worked together for a short time but he didn't seem to be the slightest bit mad and was very polite and positive minded. I kind of sensed after he might like me but dismissed it,and then that was that.

He brought whiskey. I picked. He was going to bring wine but then asked if i preferred hard liquor and named three types and i said whiskey could be fun.

He's said he loves me before. It was probably just lines but idc. He said he moved to my city and fell in love with a girl named "my name" and became obsessed with her. I mean,lines are fun,and ok sometimes,i think? He also after we were talking work things once in text,when i made a suggestion he said "love you."

The spending over 12 hours together and then going to see each other a few hours later part even though still in very early stages of things?

Are you both talking a lot during these times? Forming a friendship?

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I think you are just mad that I don't agree with what you say and no offense but i've read your other posts but they sound like they come from someone much older and very conservative background and things change with the times. We have gone out on a "real" date. And,the last time we hung out,it was MY initation that we stay at my house instead. He's suggested all the date things before. I think you are just trying to make me insecure so i lose interest in him. We already have ended anyways it seems. I did need to process some things,yes and had some confusions but there is some things my heart knows. Also,we both kind of have laidback,very open backgrounds we are coming from with career so we both are kind of blase about certain things. Also,we are young. We are both in our 20's. I think you are just very concerned. I am working on myself with things. Things did happen a little faster then i wanted,but we didn't have sex. You are right,he probably did want to continue on and that's why he wanted me to come to his place so soon after. But,i have no doubt he liked me a lot.

How over are things right now? Or was it a bit of misunderstanding?

I have a long distance friend and sometimes texts need to be replaced by a phone call, depending on either state of mind or topic of conversation. I've known him getting close to three years and have spent time together physically long enough to know.

When there's newness and reading text(or type written format like this board or email) it's easy enough to read from one's own emotions instead of understanding the tone of voice or body language that matches each word.

Is that possibly what happened between the two of you?

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After that moment he was still reaching out to you, if I'm understanding correctly?

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I think there is definitely a misunderstanding going on and i wanted to try and resolve it but he doesn't seem interested. I think he is taking me not wanting to see him as rejection and punishing me for it. He said before recently he wanted to text less because he thinks our texts get out control and i'm hard to follow because i go all over the place and he rather talk and listen to me in person. It made me kind of mad but he is right. I told him the next day after i didn't respond to him "i just dont trust you" when he was asking why i didn't respond so that was me making an attempt to communicate. And,then today,i told him he was the only thing that made me happy these last few weeks with all the hell i was going through. He didn't seem to care about that either.
His last texts were just saying he is upset he always wants to see me and "omg" and basically just seeming very tired of me. Maybe he isn't mature enough for a relationship. I needsomeone who can talk about things with me. I'd actually have liked to talk on the phone about this but wasn't going to iniate because of how he was being. I do agree,phone is better sometimes. Miscommunications are the worst. I think the night i never responded to his text he took it very wrong. Maybe he took it as me saying i'm not interested in seeing him anymore or that i was with another guy and so he has been holding onto that emotional feeling/reaction he felt and that's why he is being that way. I just didn't know what to say and wanted to process things so...i just decided to not say anything.

Yes,he never stopped reaching out to me. He just ignored my texts tonight. I did seem like i was starting a fight though admittedly once i re-read them. He didn't start ignoring me until tonight when i seemed like i was picking a fight and told him we should just stop speaking. It's weird,but it's like i can sense the age difference. Maybe it's just my imagination,though.

Calling him to talk instead of text is a good idea. Better communication is key. Do you see a therapist? It sounds like you have a pattern of these kind of relationships.

This guy doesn't sound that bad to me. You are giving him mixed messages. It sounds like he's pretty fed up with you right now. But I think he'll be back, if you want him.

Tell him you don't want to rush into an every day commitment and want more casual relationship. Couples counseling wouldn't be a bad idea.

He may be a jealous, controlling jerk that you eventually break up with. But for now, you might want to give him a chance. You are saying a lot of things that set yourself up that you should work on with a therapist. Stop telling him you're crazy, for example.

I had plenty of octopus guys that wouldn't keep their hands off me. Once I was so scared that I told this guy I needed to run home for a minute because I forgot something, then jumped out of the car and told him good-bye and ran into my house. This guy was a doctor! Not a rapist, just a real jerk. If I had a dollar for every time I got dry hum*ed, lol!

And as for teaching him what you like, yes sex is a process of two people figuring out what works for them.

I have intimacy issues in my marriage. It's related to trying to teach him, and he hasn't learned after 20 YEARS! Our chemistry is just off :-(

Also, relationships are far from ideal. My sister says "It you want to wake up next to him and can put up with his s**t, you've got a good relationship".

Why would word get around? He didn't rape you, he didn't go that far although his behavior was not ok, and your initial post says you can't tell anyone. How do you know he hasn't pushed other women past where they wanted to go with him? How do you know he hasn't forced a kiss or unwantedly groped someone else who did want to kiss him?

Do you plan on letting the other women who know him know what he did to you? It's really not that risky at all. With acquaintance rape/assault, women tend to blame themselves. Especially if you were interested in him. We say stuff like "Did I lead him on?" Look at how quick you were to write his behavior off as inexperience.

Not to mention all the people who will say "why did you invite him over? why did you go to the bedroom with him?" As though letting a man in your house is an invitation for sex.

None of what you are saying has anything to do with his behavior. How many serial killers were close with their families? How many of their neighbors go "Oh he was such a nice, quiet guy. He kept to himself but I never thought he'd kill 20 sex workers and bury them in his back yard!" I don't know why you are trying so hard to convince yourself he's this great guy. It's ok to like someone based on what they put out there and realize they're not who they seem to be, and move on. It might help if you were to see a T and sort some of this out, there could be some underlying reasons that you feel like you need to accept such behavior in order to date someone.

Ok if they're LURED then how are they setting themselves up exactly? Naivity makes rape the fault of the person who is raped? They don't recognize it so how, exactly, are they setting themselves up to be raped? I have never been raped, but as a woman I believe in supporting other women, unlike some people on this thread.

Ok, I just have to say this....... In the original post you said there would be NO SEX....with no exceptions. Yet he puts his fingers inside of you, even though you had to keep moving away from his grasp? That's not consensual sex. It seems like it was a bad situation all the way around. There are so many guys out there that will love you and inspire you, and at the same time honor your wishes and desires and respect you.

Why would I be mad? I am very concerned about your safety that's correct. If things are really good about you two and you think it's a good relationship then you wouldn't be posting here asking. You don't have to make any changes but people keep telling you to be careful. You only went on one date with him and the second time you met he was forcing himself on you. That's just unsafe.

I don't think it's age related concern. I love sex, always did. As well as other physical activity. But consensual. You described someone forcing you. That's non consensual. Is that ok with you?

You were upset about it. I don't see how it's age related. Are you saying it's ok among young people to be forcing themselves on women?. Where is it ok? To have un consensual physical contacts? Being forced? I know a lot of young people. Non consensual is never ok at any age

Things changed? Like not consensual being ok? When? How? Why? Where? You made it sound as wanting consensual sex is some kind of conservative old thing and being forced makes one young and modern? That doesn't make any sense honestly. It's dangerous thinking

Do you have a therapist you can talk to?

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All I can offer is.. If you had a girl friend in this situation what would you advise her,???

Excellent advice. Let me try to raise the stakes.

If you had a daughter in this situation, what would you advise her?

Just a direct, quick question: are you looking for advice or are you just playing the famous "yes, but" game?

Invitation to come over doesn't mean it's invitation to sex at all. It is just in general wise for safety reason not to invite men over if you only met them once. You simply don't know anything about them. Plus it's probably better not to serve hard liquor to people you don't know along with other things. It is not blaming a victim but simply suggestion safety measures with strangers. You don't know how he is going to act under influence and alone as you simply don't know him. Also if he already acted mean and angry via texts it might be unsafe to meet him unless it is a public place.

It's just basic safety measures for the future

Certainly it's ok to invite over as well as have drinks and have sex etc with men you know well.

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