The other night. No judgement please.

You're both in your twenties, to me, there's really no age difference because it's still within the same decade.

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Well, TIMES may have changed, but PEOPLE haven't! So yeah, I'm older and raised two daughters. I taught them to respect themselves and that most men will respect you, if they see you as seeing them to be special.

Respecting yourself means NOT inviting someone into your home and bed (futon whatever!..it's still a bed) when you haven't even gotten to know them. Man, he didn't even have to buy you dinner and he's having sex (uh YEAH that is a form of sex!) It's not hard to figure out what this guy now thinks about you, an easy girl who will do practically ANYTHING to have a man. And I'm pretty sure if you have him over again, you will NOT be able to say no, but he will convince you it wasn't rape and that he loves you. Come on, telling you he loves you just serves his purpose of having sex with you.

Please please please, start thinking of yourself in a better light and if you're not in therapy, get a woman therapist (sorry, but I fear you could be manipulated by an unscrupulous male therapist) to help you realize that you are worth something. It sounds like you have terrible self-esteem and issues with men (you said you also were forced into sex with your ex....wow...why such a need to please?)

Please don't think I am judging you or that I think you are not a good person. I think you are naïve and I am truly worried about you and your future. Please get some help.

Yeah,it's too late for that. He ignored my last texts last night. I'm sad about that,and also today has been a rough day. I would like to have someone to confide in and turn to. i agree that he might be a jealous,controlling jerk i eventually break up with and that i just wanted to give it a chance. I'd love to talk to him more and be communicative. Idk why we didn't more when we hung out. I guess we were too nervous,or I was at least. I wish i knew more how i am giving mixed messages,though so i can stop.

I don't have the personality to teach him how to be sexual. Even an ex i was close to i reconnected with said that before when i was telling him about a guy who ended up being a virgin and then left me because he was embarrassed about it. I had told him i don't have that personality to teach a guy sexually and he said i don't. I agree that things don't need to be "perfect" to work. I've even learned as i've gotten older that things aren't always perfect on instant the first time you meet but you work out the kinks and something amazing can happen sometimes.

Because,sometimes if guys are creepy the word gets around and girls would say not to work with so and so or flame the person on social media,that kind of thing. Im not telling anyone anything. I'm still confused. I can't help but like him. I'm not trying to be jaded but i'm used to guys having a bit of a streak that is abusive. Just today I was threatened by someone. It's life. You just have to find someone who is mostly good. Besides,i'm not perfect. i once called thi guy an idiot for example. I felt really bad and apologized but he didn't even do anything and that was that. Got slightly distant but then we were fine. I had a thought what if he is being the way he was to me as payback for rejecting him before or times i was mean to him. But,that's probably too paranoid and he knows how down ive been.

I thought those might be signs to tell if he is more inclined to be abusive or not. I don't think he's a great guy. i just like him.

It's not my fault he was forceful. Maybe he thought i'd like that,but even still he should build up to that once he knows me better and make sure i'm ok with it.

Yeah,but that's not where i'm at right now. Maybe later on once i better myself i'll attract that.

I'd tell her he has red flags and to not see him. I'd say his ignoring behavior is either him punishing her or trying to use her for sex. I'd say that i did nothing wrong and that he is a jerk.

I was looking for advice to help process things and to see it written out for me to look at. I went from thinking something isn't right but it's ok to thinking ok,there's something definitely not right. However,my perceptions have changed a little. i'm now more convinced he is aiming for something for some reason i just can't figure out the exact why. He seems to aiming for sex as quickly as he can possibly get it. The question i'm not 100% clear on now is it because he is using me for sex or is it to lock me in for control reasons. I know some guys and abusers do that. Hurry up and have sex with a girl because to them it makes things official and they think it'll make it harder for her to leave. At first,i was blaming myself for him seeming distant and thinking he is insecure because of past things with us but now i feel like who cares,it's not that big of a deal,he should be over it. Here I was waiting for him thinking ok,let's work this out and see what happens and he is probably trying to hit up other girls because he is mad at me. I don't like that at all.

That's true.

I'm actually glad that that thought entered your mind. We all work through things in our own ways.



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I am glad you are realizing how things really are. Growth starts with awareness. Good thinking. Stay safe

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Someone else asked me out today and i said sure. i'm not sure they are at all my type but thought it might be a good distraction. It's not like me to be that way,but i'm really wanting a relationship whereas before all these years,i feel like people would've said i seem like i want to be single. So,i suggested how about coffee. I think he is a lot older then me so that might be interesting.

You are (almost ?) obsessed with getting answers and trying to figure that guy out and now your checking out someone else, which is fine.. But you really need to learn how to "date" someone...

But.....

Maybe instead of trying to figure that guy or this guy or the next guy out .. you work on figuring YOU out .. I think once you get a handle on what your wanting in a relationship and what is a healthy relationship and what is not, then I think all this over analyzing , asking for advise and not liking the mass majority of what advice you get will help you learn a lot.

Sure you wanting a relationship.. But don't settle. Take the time to get to know someone. That is just plain common sense

I'm not going out with the guy. I changed my mind. He's not what i want and i'm not attracted to him. I honestly think i was just looking for someone to get coffee with but it's not worth it.

Ok,i just had a panic.I thought i heard someone outside my door at my place and everyone's posts here made me paranoid he was here which is ridiculous and crazy. I am going to have to start posting less here. I just got over ptsd about being here alone and didn't need this. Yes,he is a bit of a jerk but being paranoid he will come by is ridiculous

Hope you feel better. Though I don't understand what you mean.

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You don't need to be attracted before you even went on a date. Plus how do you even know? I was apprehensive about dating my wonderful fiancée as he isn't my type. It is a blessing that he isn't my type as my type are emotionally unavailable difficult men sometimes with addictions. Go for men who aren't your type. If might be a very good thing.

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Hope you feel better and I hope he not going to come by. If he does just do not open the door. I did date few guys in my life who were showing up at my door uninvited. They thought it was cute. I didn't think so.

I didn't understand what you said about PTSD. Were you diagnosed? I don't understand you have PTSD because you live alone?

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Well, what is it that you do want? Where did you meet this guy, the one that you are changing your mind about before even having coffee?

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Ok, thanks for your clarification. I hope everything turns out the best possible way.

Because we already met before. I think he is too weird and he seems older like in his 40's and i'm not into older guys. Plus,i get vibes he just wants sex. He doesn't really interest. I just don't have many people right now so was looking for someone to have coffee with,anyone,to distract myself. i'll just have to distract myself with goals instead.

There was no way he would come by. Yes,I was diagnosed. It was because someone tried breaking into my apartment when i was alone and roommate was gone last spring. I did good though and then overcame it in the last weeks and now just get a little nervous from time to time. It'd be very odd for a guy to come by unannounced where i live. I live in the city and most guys live at least 15 minutes away so it'd be very out there. Plus,he doesn't drive and it would just be way too creepy and out there of a scenario. That's why he said i'd be good for him,too because he knows a little bit of my anxiety issues and he thinks having a boyfriend like him would help.

I met him at a potluck last summer. He came on very strong to me and liked me but i wasn't interested and kept trying to get a distance because i found him kind of weird. I kept in touch online a little bit after when he iniated talking to me because we had same interest and thought maybe i might see him in same circle again and just to keep in touch to keep in touch. What i want? Spoken generally,i just want to enjoy my apartment,have a cat here,a boyfriend to take care of me who is fun and good for me,to be able to do my work,and to work on progressing myself. I find being fun a very important quality,and the guy who wants to get coffee i don't think would be fun. Spoken more specifically,i still want the guy who this post is about but now i can obviously see something is wrong. I still think he didn't just want sex though. I just feel it strongly and trust my heart on that. Regardless,there's clearly something not right based on how things have gone this week. Or,maybe not. It did seem like i was picking a fight and i did ignore his text and not say anything to him all night and then not until next afternoon right after we seen each other which probably made him panic and think it as a rejection so that feeling stayed with him when i did respond and then he still kept in touch but once i picked a fight because i got nervous that's when he ignored my last texts.