[Yismymindblank12]

I have came to the point of not caring about relationships it's not my life achievement it's what others make it to be. I don't care for it, as in I don't care for what people usually go for. I am more selfish, I want someone to be my best friend. I don't even care about screwing someone in bed a lot.

I'm so disconnected angry and tired of people who just **** on me. I don't even think having one later is worth it. I haven't seen anything to convince me otherwise and it makes a big barrier of unusual high expectations others expect to believe I have for them when I didn't say a word. I tell some of these people who are my friends, I can't do it like you do. I'm not like you anymore.

I wish I could change myself, but this is all I can do to keep myself at some level of peace. It's not perfect, but it's easy.

It's rather difficult when I try to even bother with relationships I'm always ignored in my friends of certain groups. I'm always left out and measured up in ways when I don't care or asked to be.

I don't like this pointless battle of musical chairs of finding the "perfect" person.

I honestly find it disgusting. I can't connect on most things, I have my own issues a lot of them, but I'm having a hard enough time with them a lone. I don't like feeling responsible for someone else, I wish someone ideally give me a chance by taking it slow being clear to me on their intentions by their actions not just words.

I never take words seriously. Why? I've been lied to all the time by girls who say I'm so great just to turn around to never come to me again. Honestly I don't care anymore. I push people away who want to come in, I want an honest state your business. I'm not as much fun, I can't breathe because I've been squeezed out of my soul of what I'm wanting to feel over this impression of a reality I'm given if I dwell on wanting a relationship. I will be more alone than ever, because people don't give a flying **** about me.

They'll say they want to be my friend, but they can't even be my friend, because they don't try they are so engulfed by their significant other they have no time to be my friend and shut me out because their life is going for the better. I don't blame them, but it's put me to a point I can't trust anyone ever. Even if I dated someone I wouldn't open up, because it's more ammo for them to make excuses and sick rationalizations of just hurting me later.

You know I'll never tell them promises that I will love them and do something forever because that's silly.
I'm not as out there as most people who are everyone is guilty of this. It's no a crime to feel that way, but it is when you expect me to give all my devotion to you because you feel I should feel this way about you for no basis of reality or understanding you. Like people who do this to me are the most

I mean the most

Arrogant pieces of **** I've ever known. I have no respect for you. You only want to gain control over someone not appreciate someone. I will ignore these types and cuss them out and make them go away and they leave immediately after because I know they are full of it.

I hate when some girls insult my intelligence this way expect me to bow my head and try to fall for them, based on meager superficial similarities.

Guys are a whole another level of ********. You know this idea of prideful perfect dominant men **** is overrated.

Yes it's attractive yes it's what guys do, but when it comes to relationships it's appears a joke to me, because he fights for someone using him and it makes me sick when people do this to others because they don't like them or feel they can't connect. I don't trust someone who does this to people guy or girl ever. I'm surrounded by these types of people.

Inside I'm always angry hateful and just tired more exhausted by putting up barriers to keep the bad people out.

I know when the last of my most supportive people in my life go. I will have no one. It's something I'm preparing for someday now, that I'll never get love the way I would hope for and I will be even more alone than now soon someday.

That now I should rely on myself and never have anyone come near me.

I talked with a friend about this started growing feelings for her, shut it off immediately. I'm very cold about all of this, I will keep my barrier up even if I suspect her talking her feelings about me, because I'm protecting myself from fooling myself she likes me and to do that I must be distant cold and just not like her in any other way be straight and forward keep it stagnant and where it's at until I know otherwise. Usually when something definitely appears they weren't acknowledging me yes I feel like worthless crap, but then again I feel like I don't care about it, because she is always another person like the one before her who is going to blow me off.

Years and years of it, makes me so hateful, I don't believe it will be worth it. The enjoyment and "happiness" that will come from it just will feel stale, cliche, and just uninteresting and overall something not worth desiring period.

I've personally hated being attracted to someone a lot, it feels like a form of weakness to me because if I'm vulnerable I'm easy to be manipulated.

I don't care for marriage kids all that, it's someone else's job to be those things not me.

I only desired a friend who won't leave someone I can see everything to the end. Someone I am at home with nothing else more. I don't care guy or girl.

Usually, I don't read long posts because I have focusing issues. I read yours though because I felt your frustration.

You talked about friends and about girls, but I sensed that the relations with girls were more upsetting to you. Can you focus on one example to discuss it, if you want, since your post was general?

[Yismymindblank12]

Alright, one example of many is that I usually meet someone who never is clear on their intentions sometimes I don't want to know or care to, but certain friends male and female do this a lot but I'll focus on a specific friend recently.

OK it's always frustrating whether I like or not like this person they never make sense. I don't always search something deeper but how they act confuses me. Like I'll be just like how I am with most of my friends talk when I can but it's almost impossible to plan anything we'll always talk about it, but never happens for whatever reason.
Anyways this specific person is really nice to me and tries to make me smile a lot then goes even further like wanting nudes of me and then sometimes flirting with me or like the other girl tell me they really like me a lot, but when I confront them always they never respond or when they do it's the same broken message of they love me a lot as a close friend.
Then later they get a bf and just drop me entirely don't acknowledge me anymore. Pretended like nothing before happened and that's fine to being committed I just don't trust someone who will try to half *** want something more to drop out on me later and pretend I am not a human with feelings giving me petty fake sympathetic responses. Playing the victim role to make me feel bad because I got confused from their actions because they were never honest with me.

This seems to happen a lot recently to the point I can't trust one thing that any girl says who does try to try their way into my life. It makes everything confusing.

All I want to know off the bat if this is something what they say it is or not, because I'm tired being told one thing and then the opposite happens. Like if you want to be my friend act like it not my off and on lover, and if you want a relationship be honest with me or at least make any effort to ease my anxiety of you, because when they make promises to me ik it's game over I ignore them after that because it means they want to be my friend but don't know how or it's a nice way of saying let's be friends And never talk again.

I don't care for people like that. They may believe I like them, but really I despise them.

I agree with you it is hurtful when someone gives you the impression that they love you, and then act as something else.

People usually gives subtle signs about their intentions, and rarely they speak about it explicitly.

If you have had several negative experiences, it doesn't mean automatically it will happen next time. It is like statistics, if you flip a fair coin 100 times and get a tail, their is a 50% chance that you will get a head in time 101.

Don't get harsh on yourself. If you want a break from people for a while, to re-evaluate your experiences and what you can learn from them for future encounters, it is OK. But eventually get out there and live your live. We humans are anti-fragile by nature.

[Yismymindblank12]

Originally Posted by Nickname

I agree with you it is hurtful when someone gives you the impression that they love you, and then act as something else.

People usually gives subtle signs about their intentions, and rarely they speak about it explicitly.

If you have had several negative experiences, it doesn't mean automatically it will happen next time. It is like statistics, if you flip a fair coin 100 times and get a tail, their is a 50% chance that you will get a head in time 101.

Don't get harsh on yourself. If you want a break from people for a while, to re-evaluate your experiences and what you can learn from them for future encounters, it is OK. But eventually get out there and live your live. We humans are anti-fragile by nature.

I live my life without somebody, I just get very lonely a lot, because not just girls who do this, but friends do too close friends. I understand them more than these girls do, but it's like they pretend to be there then aren't. It's just how it is for me. I don't have someone I see alot like most people do.
It's usually isn't me reading it wrong it's them being very poor on their cues at all. You can't just touch my shoulder kiss my cheeks hug me hard or kiss my lips and call us friends, like get your priorities straight before talking to me.

Or don't say you're my best friend make these goals and promises and don't do any of them or come around ever to see me or talk to me.

I live my life without somebody because I am not waiting on other people.

I live my life without any body, literally. My phone doesn't ring for months. I sometimes don't even open my lips to speak for days. I understand it is very difficult to get along with people, but feeling alone and lonely is even more difficult, at least at times. I get used to it, but you don't have to take this road.

Try different approaches, keep some guard to your emotions, but don't shut yourself from others. I don't think your rage right now is helping you getting what you want, isn't it? Like how do you expect getting someone, and you are basically making yourself unavailable to others because of past experiences?

Eventually, I think, it is your responsibility not to allow others to manipulate you. Do not allow yourself to get driven too easily with the flow. Check the facts and pay attention to signs. You cannot change others, or ask them to change.

For now I suggest to take an alone time voluntarily, and think about all these experiences that happened, and see how you can move on. If in the moment of clarity you decided that your friends are manipulative and competitive in a rude way, you need to re-evaluate your relationship with them.

[Yismymindblank12]

Originally Posted by Nickname

Eventually, I think, it is your responsibility not to allow others to manipulate you. Do not allow yourself to get driven too easily with the flow. Check the facts and pay attention to signs. You cannot change others, or ask them to change.

For now I suggest to take an alone time voluntarily, and think about all these experiences that happened, and see how you can move on. If in the moment of clarity you decided that your friends are manipulative and competitive in a rude way, you need to re-evaluate your relationship with them.

I 1,000,000 and beyond agree with you on this. I've been doing all I can, it's very hard to keep balance some people will do anything to get their way it's hard to get more than discouraged when all the snakes in the grass come at you at once. You're trying to figure whose who and it's always making no sense.
I always re-evaluate my relationships with my closest friends and people I let in, because of my trust issues I don't let it get in the way of enjoying life or their time. I won't bring drama or past bs up. I only get anxious when they hold back, or unclear of their intentions or are just not nice to me and when they are I usually make my decisions very quick. I don't regret my decisions I just go with it. I used to worry on what I be missing, but that's gotten me in a lot more trouble than ever.

[Yismymindblank12]

I've been the type to take action when everyone wants to sit around. I just want to get up and out and do something in my day whatever it is.

I always just want to sing my problems away in band or in a bar just go crazy and make it fun.