Hello everyone.

I just wanted to say thank you to you guys. I posted a couple of posts earlier this week, and one was really long. I know that when I post I can be a bit verbose (I like to write, always have), but this was even beyond what I usually post! Thank you so much to those of you who read it, and especially those of you who commented. I apologize for not being in the best of moods, and if I didn't receive your advice as graciously as I should have. I think that happens, and I know we all understand that happens here. But I haven't tended to take the time to thank people for their time and help, and I wanted to do so this time.

I am doing alright! I had a couple of days where I was spiraling, and now I'm back to being happy and stable. That is such a difference from where I was a few years ago. A lot of people asked, "Why do you need a relationship?" Well, I don't. And I chose not to pursue one for 7 years. But since I have gotten my life more on track in the last few years--four years ago, I was hospitalized for an OD and just this past October, I graduated from college with a professional degree. I spent a lot of my twenties spinning my wheels, being depressed and self-destructive. After my OD and hospitalization in 2012 I finally said that's it. Enough. Either I settle into being ill or I fight. I have decided that it's time to move forward. I think we all deserve love, I had just determined that, before, it was not a good time for me to pursue it. I (personally) felt that I didn't have much to offer someone. That's not to say that I didn't, that's just how I felt. I am a bit picky in what I'm looking for, and I felt that I couldn't ask someone to have certain qualities that I didn't have in myself. Anyway, the point is that I don't need a relationship. I never have. But we all deserve love, and my life is on an upward trajectory so...why can't I have one? It's okay for me to pursue one. Four years ago, what happened with J would have taken me out for weeks. This only had me spiraling for a day and a half and then I was like, "Psssht, stop. This is dumb." And I'm good. I feel like I won a major victory. I can do this! And you guys helped.

BTW, I'm not saying I'm perfect or totally healed...hell no! But I feel like I'm on the right track. Thank you.

I think you are courageous that you decided to act on your situation, and put your life on track. Congratulations.

I just want to add on another thread, someone said that she has everything she needed but a relationship. Ironically some people (whom I am aware of) who said to her to be content by herself and live her life were in a relationship!! I believe people try to help, but they tend to see things from their own experiences and situations.

Originally Posted by Nickname

I think you are courageous that you decided to act on your situation, and put your life on track. Congratulations.

I just want to add on another thread, someone said that she has everything she needed but a relationship. Ironically some people (whom I am aware of) who said to her to be content by herself and live her life were in a relationship!! I believe people try to help, but they tend to see things from their own experiences and situations.

Thank you. I appreciate this.

And yes! This is something that struck me as I was doing my laundry today (haha, I have my deepest thoughts while doing the most mundane things). I get that a lot--people asking why I feel I need a relationship. 7 years ago, when I decided to kind of stop the search and cultivate my relationship with myself, so to speak, it was my friends saying it: "Why do you need someone? Maybe you should stop looking." And the people saying that were married. I totally get that it was because I was in an unhealthy place. However, it is a little unfair that they get to have love in their lives, yet they are basically telling me that I can't, that they are questioning and invalidating my desire for it when we all desire love and all that goes along with it! When people question you about it, it makes you feel like you are somehow wrong for wanting that or that you aren't good enough to have that. It's very shame-inducing.

Those are just the things that came up in my mind. While I totally understand where it's coming from, it does make the person being questioned feel a certain kind of way.

[divine1966]

You are doing totally great. So happy to hear that.

It is in Human nature to want a relationship. And there is nothing wrong with wanting one. Don't let anyone tell you that you should give up on it.

I think maybe people are trying to say that rather than having so-so or unhealthy relationship etc it's better not to be in one, not that it's awesome to be alone.

Also if people are currently married or in a relationship it doesn't really mean they can't speak of single hood or can't relate. If people are in a relationship it doesn't mean they've never been single. Nobody is born married. I've been married/single/live-in-cohabitation/engaged to be married. I can speak about life in all different capacities. But the longest of these stages in my adult life was being single. As of not dating at all.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Originally Posted by divine1966

Also if people are currently married or in a relationship it doesn't really mean they can't speak of single hood or can't relate. If people are in a relationship it doesn't mean they've never been single. Nobody is born married. I've been married/single/live-in-cohabitation/engaged to be married. I can speak about life in all different capacities. But the longest of these stages in my adult life was being single. As of not dating at all.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I know. I'm not mad about what people said, just commenting on it. I definitely feel the same way about some of my friends who are pursuing relationships. I think some of my frustration in this whole deal is that I waited so long to get back out there and my first try was such a bust.*

*I found out some more info about him, long story short, he isn't married with a secret family, just deceitful about a lot of really dumb things and I don't know why. It doesn't matter, I didn't stop functioning because of it or whatever. What frustrates me is that I'm very open about my goals and what I want. If he wasn't interested in a serious relationship, there was every opportunity to either not initiate contact with me in the first place or to not pursue a second (or more) date. As naive as it sounds, I don't get it. I don't even kiss on the first date, so I'm sure he didn't think I would be an object for casual sex. Whatever, though. It's over.

[divine1966]

You got to kiss some frogs....so don't give up

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Molinit]

When you are very open about what you're looking for, it attracts people who find toying with others' feelings as a challenge and entertainment.

Continue being open, but also beware that everyone who claims they're after the same thing you are may not be.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Molinit

When you are very open about what you're looking for, it attracts people who find toying with others' feelings as a challenge and entertainment.

Continue being open, but also beware that everyone who claims they're after the same thing you are may not be.

Oh for sure. Just because someone says all the right things to you, it doesn't mean it is all true. Got to read between the lines and judge by the behavior more than words

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Originally Posted by Molinit

When you are very open about what you're looking for, it attracts people who find toying with others' feelings as a challenge and entertainment.

Continue being open, but also beware that everyone who claims they're after the same thing you are may not be.

Ugh. That is awful. But you're right, and deep down I realize that. It's amazing that, as cynical as I know I am, I can be so naive in some areas. I think that I want to keep some areas of my life cynicism-free. I do think (going with my non-cynical side) if I dig deeply into this situation, the other person IS doing the best that they know how to do with what they have to do it with just as I am. That doesn't mean that they aren't a bit shytti. And that doesn't mean that they wouldn't be aware of their own BS if you held it to their face. It just means that a lot of people come from less-than-ideal backgrounds and all of us have been hurt in one way or another. And sometimes our hurts bump against each other.

I'm really trying to keep this in mind rather than allow it to make me bitter, because I've dealt with this kind of man before and I'm so tired of them trying to work out their issues through online dating.

Originally Posted by divine1966

Oh for sure. Just because someone says all the right things to you, it doesn't mean it is all true. Got to read between the lines and judge by the behavior more than words

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I think I'm actually better at reading through the lines than I give myself credit for, but I doubt my own judgment. That, and I feel guilty being ruthless. If that makes any sense. I give into this expectation I've learned that I should at least give a man who is giving me attention a chance rather than maybe heed my own gut instinct. I mean, yeah, part of it is that I don't totally trust my gut. And maybe that's where experience will come in. As an aside, I need to learn to trust my gut in order to do the job I do so... I can't keep stuffing down those red flags and ignoring my spidey sense.

[Xaldin]

Wish I could say the same Ruari. Never experiencing a relationship or love in the first place is... rough. =/