[Pleaseletlifeend4me]

Im 36 female. Im in a relationship with an alcoholic. He's a raging alcoholic. We've been together for seven years. Recently I found out that he may have cheated. We have children together and I have done that aren't his.

His drinking has taken all our money, he's violent after drinking allot, we have lost allot due to his drinking.

I am co dependant and can't get away. The thing is, this is my apartment, I have my own vehicle in my own name, im self sufficient. I don't need him financially.

But, mentally I can't let go.

Im depressed and lately have been hoping that I'll die
Maybe something will happen to me, that's what Im hoping. He's currently very drunk and passed out after running his mouth on me and the children, im crying in my bedroom wishing I weren't living.

I can't take life anymore. This is anther one of those sappy stories where mommy is addicted to an alcoholic and lives in a dump, basically a hopeless situation. I realize Im a horrible, disgusting mother. I've accepted that.

I just can't get a grip on myself. Im depressed horrible and do take paxil and remeron, been on them for years
I've tried every medicine known to every pharmaceutical and truly there's nothing that really helps me.

The problem is, im co dependant and think can't I live without a man.
Im just one of those waste of air type people's

What can I do? Im truly terrified of dying but crave it. I hate life. I hate living. I hate everything and am barely functioning. I don't even know what I want by posting this, but I did.

This man has a hold on me and I think it's going to end up costing me my life because im done living.

[Ocean Swimmer]

Take it easy. My Dad was married and divorced 8 x and many girls in between.
You can get another guy at a bar tonight. Come on.
Don't think he's the only man on earth.
You take care of your children. God decides when people die. Not you.
Call a suicide hotline. Or go to Alanon.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Pleaseletlifeend4me: I see this is your first post. Welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit. From what you wrote, it sounds like you understand your circumstances pretty well but feel powerless to do anything about them. Unfortunately, it's not only you who is suffering... but also your children. So I hope that if you continue to choose to remain in this relationship, you will try to do what you can to help your children to cope. Many of us who are here on PC are here in large part due to experiences we had growing up. I send you my best wishes...

[Bill3]

Lifeline is available 24/7: 1-800-273-TALK (4255)

Kentucky Women's Crisis Center: 1-800-928-3335, call 24/7

Please call one of these numbers, help is available! Your life can be better.

[divine1966]

Please don't do anything drastic. Call for help. I've lived with alcoholic for 9 years and I got to the point I just had to end it. And I did. And you can too. Please take care of yourself and your kids starting tomorrow.

Well I don't know if you can live without a man but you surely can live without this one. Plus your kids are your responsibility. It's not ok to subject them to horrible life with raging drunk

Hang in there



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[eskielover]

Being co-dependent isn't a terminal illness.....one can learn to change given the right therapy. Don't know where you live in KY, but I found the best therapy here....much better than anything I ever had in private therapy in California.

I didn't live with an alcoholic but I did live with a man who was totally incapable of emotional connection for 33 years. I know that one can get out because I did. You don't have to let this relationship kill you.

The psychologist I was seeing got me involved in their DBT group at the facility & that was the best thing I ever did for myself. I had already LEFT my H & moved 2100 miles away to KY where I didn't know anyone. I am now surrounded by the most wonderful friends & have support I never experienced before in my life.....but I am also able to be a support to others now also so it's not all a take situation finally.

It was bad enough living with the totally dysfunctional person I lived with. He drove me to be the raging non-drunk person who was seeing nothing but red by the time I left him. Change is definitely possible but it requires reprogramming those neuropathways of thought that you have at this point in time.......no time like the present to start working on change....it will give you much better respect for yourself above all else.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

This reminded me of the Steven King book, rose red. Get you and your kids together and go to a relatives or a shelter if you have to and evict him from your home. Where I live, if a person lives with you then you have to go to a court and then give your man an eviction notice to leave the house within 30 days or the sheriff comes and pretty much makes him get out. There are tons of nice men out there and tons of good therapist to help you with your codependency issues! Do this for your kids. It's your job to keep them safe. I'm really sorry you're going through this.

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[healingme4me]

He's no good if he's on the floor and can only offer unkind words when not passed out on the floor.

How old are your kids?

[Trippin2.0]

Pharmaceuticals wont work simply because they can't fix your life or your environment. So really doesn't matter what med or which combo you take, may as well drink sugar pills while you stay with this man.


What you need is intensive therapy.


Therapy to help you find your self-worth, your self-respect, your power, and your authority as a mother.


I really think you would benefit greatly from meeting with a skilled professional to address your crippling codependency.

[littleowl2006]

"Proximity is power". You wil feel different once you manage to get some space for yourself. Please take care.
We are here for you. This is a great community and you will find lots of people who listen and give advice.

[Rose76]

Stop calling yourself "co-dependent." You will gain nothing by throwing around that kind of jargon. leave diagnosing to doctors. Don't try to diagnose yourself.

I totally understand that you feel an emotional need to keep this man in your life, and that that is making it seem impossible for you to either leave or throw him out. Don't try to analyze why you have that need by coming up with concepts like co-dependence and emotional addiction. Doing that is neither helping you understand, nor fix your situation. Leave pop psychology to people who make money writing clever books about it.

Your situation is not at all unusual. Women living in homes where they are abused usually find it hard to leave. Statistics say that a woman in your situation is likely to make 8 unsuccessful attempts to leave before succeeding, if she ever manages to succeed. So stop thinking that your situation is more hopeless than that of every other woman. Lots of women who felt every bit as stuck as you feel have, in some cases, managed to change their lives. Right now that seems overwhelmingly difficult to you.

Here is a link you might want to look at: The National Domestic Violence Hotline | 24/7 Confidential Support

You can also call 911 and ask them for a phone number. They will most likely be glad you called for a referral. People at agencies that help women in domestic violence situations will not pressure you to leave your house. They will give you an option, and you don't have to take it. Specifically, ask about support groups and try to go to one.

Some police departments have officers specially trained in domestic violence. Call the police and ask if you can meet with an officer like that to talk about your situation.

I am not telling you to leave right now. I am advising you to start talking to people who know more about this than you do. That can get the wheels turning in your head, so that you can begin to see it may not all be as hopeless as you now believe.

[Rose76]

I do strongly recommend Al-Anon also. (Though it may be hard for you to get to a meeting.) I lived for 7 years with a man who drank heavily. AL-Anon helped me enormously, though it took years for me to truly change my thinking. I was 41 y. o. when I finally left living with him. I felt horrible and heart-broken, at first. Then I felt fantastic and was so glad I left.