I'm not dating anyone, but I like to say something

Every day I wake up, I look in the mirror checking how much weight I lost. I'm not overweight. I'm at a healthy weight. I feel satisfied if I lose a good amount of weight or gained muscle. I just try to feel perfect, because I can't control the fact when I talk to girls, they don't care. I don't care, but they don't care that I don't care.

So I always this impression no one likes me or they confuse my sexuality because of behaviours I do.

I'm tired of girls throwing me under the bus. I'm tired of wanting to get high and hating myself for being alone. I dont' want a relationship. I just want someone to stay .

I don't care for it all or nothing. I don't care for any of it. Just people suck ***. They are horrible and I'm like a leaf in the wind being knocked around everywhere I never land on a safe patch I just get torn up.

First off, you can't have someone stay without having a relationship....it just doesn't work that way.

Sounds like you have a lot of self issues that you are dealing with. I hope you have a therapist who you can work through these issues with. Maybe they could help YOU define your behaviors better so that they don't confuse others. People have a tendency to stay away from people they can't figure out & if you have problems expressing yourself so that they can figure you out, then help is necessary.

We need to get to know ourselves & have a good definition of self so that others can know how to relate to us better. When we blow around in the wind because we ourselves aren't stable, it causes us to get knocked around by others.

Maybe it's time to work on your own personality for awhile not just how you look because people are attracted to personality, not looks in the long run, that is the only thing that keeps people together & people tend to not knock people around who they respect.

I'm sorry things are going badly for you. I agree that a counselor could be very helpful. That's not to say there's anything really terrible about you, but counselors can be "friends" and help you to see why people affect you the way they are. I'm sure you are a decent person, but have been hurt a lot.

(((hugs)))

It is kind of unclear what you want. You said you don't want a relationship yet you feel lonely and wang girls to care. They won't care if they aren't in a relationship. And certainly they aren't going to stay. I agree with others that good therapy might help to figure out what do you really want

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No.

I needed something but never got it. A security, I can't provide to myself, I can't afford a therapist yet. Besides where I'm moving to, I wouldn't be able to afford one period.

I needed a validation a friend, who isn't going to leave me, I just want something grounded anything really.

I don't know what it is exactly. I admit I don't know what I want how to describe it, but my heart needs this. Like I've been not dating for 4 years now. It helped and hurt me a lot. What I need is not a relationship more a true connection. This person I was connected with and I knew it was temporary. It just sucks, it can't be that easy ever.

It's always me being second to last to my needs always has been from my parents, teachers, friends, everybody. I was always the one who never had a say of my own feelings. That my feelings don't matter that regardless if I cared or not what they felt or did about it and I said something, they only cared to tell me to shut up about it or just ignore me.

Always feeling like I'm the cancer of the group no matter how hard I try or how much effort I put into myself or my relationships with everyone. I'm the one who loses.

I haven't had it any other way.

A relationship would be a disaster, then someone has to put up with all of this. I know any of you could admit, after awhile you'd be tired of me being distant on what's wrong or being misplaced on my feelings or feeling frustrated and so you be frustrated I'm not telling you. I do when I do say something it goes wrong and I end up being the one who screwed it up, because my feelings **** me over. I hate them everyone's hate it before.

I have to live with it.

I get high to suppress it it works.

I needed something more permanent, but it ain't happening from me. I've been working on it all my life the progress I made is ok, but not even close to being healed. It will always be like this.

I will one day be normal the next day not here and now panicking from ptsd or being an asshole when I don't mean it because I'm reliving painful experiences.

[QUOTE=eskielover;5010245]First off, you can't have someone stay without having a relationship....it just doesn't work that way.

So I was mad at this comment earlier, but I met up with this girl again later.

I confused her. I was right I couldn't start a relationship I did, but didn't feel it was practical for right now. She said, "If you didn't make it about sex we would of been dating. I just needed to say something. I felt stupid for realizing I've been going about this wrong all along."

I never knew how to have a relationship because I never knew how to show it.

She believes I'm bi polar like I do have tons of people and diagnosed with it many times. I felt me and her not being friends with benefits we wouldn't be just friends anymore Like we stop talking and it scared me a lot.

I disrespected so many people unintentionally. When I didn't know from the get go on how because it's how my experience of my relationships are because I'm that distant.

She's expressed how I need to love myself because she will always is here we are hanging out at a public place she's in a relationship recently, but she knows me well enough and trusts easily that I wasn't all about sex I just was misunderstood where this relationships is heading.

So what you said makes sense.

We can hang out do everything except sex that's awesome to me. I'm just looking forward to this.

Well I am glad to hear that you are feeling optimistic.

Just make sure not to make her issues, your issues. In other words, don't expect one person to give you their all. It's not reasonable.

So glad you are both being good to each other, though, Y...