[Macd123]

Well the saga continues. I've been trying to get this woman out of my head for months and I thought I was doing okay. Well she sent me a photo of her and her boyfriend looking very cozy and I was back to square one. I don't know if I can sleep now and it's not fair because I was really trying to stay busy and leave her behind. I even been going to my therapist to talk about the issue. I'm really having trouble at the moment just trying to justify moving forward. I really am a desperate person and this one picture has me paralyzed. I know she doesn't probably know that she hurt me so bad and I'm trying to take the high road but this is extremely difficult. I know people here have encouraged me to look elsewhere but I just haven't and I don't know if I can. A friend is needed and I don't have one I can really talk to about this. I just had to write something or explode. Thanks

[Yoda]

[divine1966]

How did she send a picture? Via text? Email? What was a context of sending it

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[ptangptang]

Mac, I think you really need to sever all contact with his woman, draw a line under it and move on. I'm not sure why she sent you a picture.of herself and her boyfriend, but I can guess. Your search for a woman in her 20's is almost certain to end in disappointment. People on here have given you lots of advice but you've ignored it ( though keep going to the therapist). Man up, grow a pair, be realistic and join dating sites looking for women of your own age. Sorry to sound a bit hard and I am sympathetic but you need to see things as they are and not as they are in your imagination.
You say the you need a friend but I friended you and sent you a message but got no response. I'm sure people on here would correspond with you but that takes 2. Stop obsessing about this unobtainable 'dream' woman ,get generally more social (rather than sitting alone in coffee shops), join meet ups, join dating sites do voluntary work etc. But then people have already said that. I know you're a dreamer. Me too. But we live in reality. Or do we. But that's for another discussion.

Okay, that's rough, I thought she knew you had a thing for her? Apologies I might have picked that up wrong. If she didn't know then that's more understandable, if she did know then she's insensitive, I have to say sending block emails out with photographs of oneself and partner comes off a little self-obsessed to me anyhow. Okay, that's just my take, but maybe you're idealising her and not seeing the bigger picture of who she is? Maybe it would help to see some of her faults? (We all have them!)

I agree with Ptang, if you block her email address she'll never know and it'll make sure you don't get this. Likewise you can 'unfollow' someone on facebook so their posts don't pop up in your feed, they don't have to know so you can keep them in your friend list and there's no big drama.

As for meeting new people, well that can happen, but maybe get yourself into a happier place first? Then odds are you'll attract better kind of people into your life.

[A Red Panda]

She has no idea. She thinks they are just friends.

Mac, you aren't taking the high road. You also aren't taking the low road. There has been no conflict, and she hasn't done anything wrong. It's perfectly ok for a friend to send another friend a happy picture of themselves.

I'm glad you are talking to a therapist.

I wish you would even try to do any of the suggestions that we have been trying to give you to help you move on and form a friendship. But you haven't. You haven't even tried (at least based on the things you've told us).

You can't form or maintain even online friendships without some give and take. People here have listened to you, tried to interact with you. But you don't respond; you just keep telling us over and over the same things. Friendships require listening, and you haven't shown any signs of listening (even disagreeing shows someone that you are listening to them).

I'm sorry that you are hurting, but you aren't doing anything to help yourself (with the exception of talking to a therapist which is great!).

[divine1966]

There must be a reason she did that: vacation, new house, report about event, attending something etc I still want to know context of why the pic was sent

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[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by Macd123

Well the saga continues. I've been trying to get this woman out of my head for months and I thought I was doing okay. Well she sent me a photo of her and her boyfriend looking very cozy and I was back to square one. I don't know if I can sleep now and it's not fair because I was really trying to stay busy and leave her behind. I even been going to my therapist to talk about the issue. I'm really having trouble at the moment just trying to justify moving forward. I really am a desperate person and this one picture has me paralyzed. I know she doesn't probably know that she hurt me so bad and I'm trying to take the high road but this is extremely difficult. I know people here have encouraged me to look elsewhere but I just haven't and I don't know if I can. A friend is needed and I don't have one I can really talk to about this. I just had to write something or explode. Thanks

Maybe this will help you. This woman didn't hurt you. You hurt you. I noticed that you wrote "I even been going to my therapist to talk about the issue." Are you just now telling your therapist about your habit of placing the entirety of your happiness in the hands of strange young women? I think you would be well-advised to get a male therapist and to be completely honest about your life with the express purpose of developing a better balance between romance, work, hobbies, etc. You don't need to be a desperate person. Get competent professional help and see if that doesn't help.

[TishaBuv]

It's a shame how you are needlessly suffering. Is your therapist helping you at all?

I've read many of your posts, but haven't commented until now.

People talk themselves into all kinds of issues and are their own worst enemies (myself included). It sounds like you've had a big problem with relationships with women your whole life.

[Macd123]

Thanks for the advice. The picture was her and her boyfriend at a spring festival - I guess she thought everyone should see how the relationship is progressing. Like I said I've been trying to stay busy but with mostly solo stuff. I thought I was to a point where I was turning the corner then this happened. I know everybody here is been helpful and don't think I don't appreciate it. Yes I've never had a long term relationship with a woman and it is really catching up (obviously). Last night was rough and I really couldn't just keep running this through my head - so I started this thread. I know I need to get going on life but I'm just so used to not having anybody in my life that inaction is my choice. I know I'm being redundant but this is where I'm at and its horrible. I'm just hoping that posting here keeps me from becoming a total shut in - I'm so lost.

[unaluna]

Geez. I had a crush on a guy who lived in my apartment building, and it used to kill me to run into him and his gfs on the elevator at random times, so i can sympathize. I agree with others here tho - protect yourself and block her from being able to blindside like this again. or only open her emails in your ts office - thats what i used to do with my mothers voicemails and snailmails; then at least you have support during the event .

[TishaBuv]

Maybe you never really wanted a real relationship and you go for unavailable women (in your case girls?) so you avoid commitment. What does your therapist think?

[Macd123]

She's pretty much just giving a sympathetic ear - she recommended more meds but I declined.

Originally Posted by Macd123

She's pretty much just giving a sympathetic ear - she recommended more meds but I declined.

I think that when their other efforts at managing their client's issues/suffering aren't working or are declined, then the only thing a T can do is offer a sympathetic ear.

Be well.

[ptangptang]

Originally Posted by Macd123

She's pretty much just giving a sympathetic ear - she recommended more meds but I declined.

I would try another therapist. That's not what you need. Paying money for something you can get sitting on a barstool talking to the barmaid is stupid. Geez Mac, do all the things I and other people suggested otherwise you will be 70....80, never had a social life and still lusting after 20 year olds.

[divine1966]

I think it's ok to offer sympathetic ear at times but there is a lot of work to be done here! Unless you aren't telling her the truth ( like telling her you are struggling after break up for example which isn't the case), she is not a good t. I agree with previous poster. Switch therapists

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Although 'sympathetic ear' does not sound very good I'm cautious about jumping to conclusions about the therapist. I seem to think you may have only very recently restarted therapy is that right? If so she may be assessing you and working on a treatment plan.

I would ask her about her treatment plan for you, what kind of therapy she is planning to use with you, before moving therapists.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Macd123

Well the saga continues. I've been trying to get this woman out of my head for months and I thought I was doing okay. Well she sent me a photo of her and her boyfriend looking very cozy and I was back to square one. I don't know if I can sleep now and it's not fair because I was really trying to stay busy and leave her behind. I even been going to my therapist to talk about the issue. I'm really having trouble at the moment just trying to justify moving forward. I really am a desperate person and this one picture has me paralyzed. I know she doesn't probably know that she hurt me so bad and I'm trying to take the high road but this is extremely difficult. I know people here have encouraged me to look elsewhere but I just haven't and I don't know if I can. A friend is needed and I don't have one I can really talk to about this. I just had to write something or explode. Thanks

The photo itself should be something that does not paralyze but grounds in you the reality of things. My point being change your thinking and use it as a means to help you accept the fact that there is nothing to hang onto and it's time to move on. No, I know that's not an easy thing to do but it's a must. Why do you say it has you paralyzed? you are imagining, hoping, and hanging onto something that is a fantasy, a dream in your mind. Dreams are all well and good but the ones that do not have the ability to become goals are not the ones we should dwell on.

Dreaming, hoping for a girl in your life is one thing but focusing that goal on one that is unattainable is going to always have the road end up at a dead end.

Shift your thinking to what it is that you liked about her, although individuals are all unique, we do share commonality in our behaviors and personalities. Clearly she has some qualities that you liked. Start thinking about what they were and form your own goals for what you hope to find. No experience, good or bad is without value and a "silver lining" Use this experience to learn about yourself, what you want and let it direct your path forward

Originally Posted by Macd123

Well the saga continues. I've been trying to get this woman out of my head for months and I thought I was doing okay. Well she sent me a photo of her and her boyfriend looking very cozy and I was back to square one. I don't know if I can sleep now and it's not fair because I was really trying to stay busy and leave her behind. I even been going to my therapist to talk about the issue. I'm really having trouble at the moment just trying to justify moving forward. I really am a desperate person and this one picture has me paralyzed. I know she doesn't probably know that she hurt me so bad and I'm trying to take the high road but this is extremely difficult. I know people here have encouraged me to look elsewhere but I just haven't and I don't know if I can. A friend is needed and I don't have one I can really talk to about this. I just had to write something or explode. Thanks

I think you are making headway.

Perhaps try to wait and process what happened before you decide you are back to square one. You may find that the recovery period is shorter this time than it was last time. That is progress.

[Macd123]

Thanks everybody, well I'm still thinking about her on a regular basis. The thought of her going on vacation with another man makes me cringe. I'm still getting out and walking this helps. Also, I actually looked at match.com but really haven't taken any action. It seems so daunting right now - self defeating I know. I hope this just drops off the map some day - sad to fall so hard and then wish you'd never met the person. Life is weird and painful that's my experience. Still trying to be strong for what it's worth. Thanks.

[Macd123]

I don't know - I keep getting sucked back into this unrequited love situation. I still think about her a lot so I'm not sure what kind of company I might be. The whole ball of wax is frightening - Jesus I'm too old for this!

[PlannedObsolescence]

How long have you known this young woman? Was there mutual feelings at one time or are you just crushing on her? I don't know the whole backstory but if it was me, and it has been, believe me, I would just tell her how I feel about her. Put it out there. Tell her you want to be with her. Tell her to drop the zero and get with the hero. If she says no thanks then you get your closure. You can then move on, hopefully.