[black-roses]

Hello guys, I am sick of my mother always telling me that my boobs are becoming soft and sagging down because of not wearing a bra. It is making me feel like **** and boobs honestly sag down it is expected after the surgery I had to reduce them. What do I say to her to tell her I don't want her making those kind of comments because I feel it is not necessary and I feel quite upset over it. When I do everyone just says I am being sensitive well you would to if you were practically shamed into hating your boobs because your sister was reminding you how saggy they were before surgery. Why are women so ****ing shallow I was shamed into feeling bad and embarrassed of my own body that it became an obsession a paranoia. Then what started happening is I started saying bad things about it and then I felt ashamed and hated my own boobs to the point of cutting them off. I am starting to feel that way again even though they are smaller now and not saggy my mother is just a superficial ***** who needs to shut the **** up. All boobs sag and yours are worse then mine but I never pointed out that yours had fallen or made fun of your uterus poking out of your vagina(she told me her uterus had fallen and was slightly visible from her vaginal canal). I know these are words but it is essentially bullying and abuse because it makes me feel like **** for something I have no control of. Before people tell me to move out I can't I have no job or money so I can't and when I try to leave she says I can't take care of myself like she can which has resulted in my "dependence life trap". Where I feel so useless and can't take care of myself but then I have issues with trusting people and letting them help me out because I look stupid and weak.

[MiddayNap]

If anything, wearing bras constantly would cause your breasts to sag more. It causes the muscles which hold up the breast to weaken, or so one French study states.

It seems you are aware of her manipulation tactics, which of course means you can work on getting away from her. It is much easier for a cult-member who realizes the man preaching salvation-via-mass-suicide is insane to escape than the cult-member who's still completely blinded by his sugary doctrine. My point is you at least have some control-that being of your own mind.
This was all written with the intention of encouragement and/or similar compassion-like emotions, but I'm really not very good with that.

[black-roses]

No, you were pretty reassuring. Yes, it is good that I know that she is trying to weaken me by making me insecure. She often says that her mother gave her freedom and she does the same but I have never felt more restricted then I do now. I can't even do the goth looks I wanna do because she makes me feel bad about me wanting to shine my individuality and is trying to feed me insecurities by saying "Don't wear that lipstick people will stare". Like I am ment to be concerned what people think because to be honest it doesn't matter if I wear green lipstick or red lipstick or even no lipstick. If people wanna stare their gonna stare why put assumptions of what there thinking of me when they could be staring for a different reason then she is saying? Maybe I look like someone they know for all I know. Why make me self conscious of others thoughts when it is none of my business?

[Trippin2.0]

Maybe she's just trying to help you, but in a rather harsh manner?


My friend kept telling her younger sister to wear a bra, and she also refused.


Now she's 21 with rather large saggy boobs that point outward and can't be "contained" properly.


She hates them and regrets not listening to her sister...


You know your mother, I don't, I just thought to add that sometimes the message is worth listening to, even if the messenger and the delivery sucks completely....

I'm so sorry to hear your mother and sister have bodyshamed you No one, NO ONE should do that to others (or themselves)!

If your mother is the kind of person you can actually talk to, I would tell her you know her opinion on the matter, but it's your body and you decide what to do with it - and can she please stop talking about the subject because it's making you feel bad and is not helping you in any way.

I understand you're feeling angry about this, but I've found it's best to try and talk to people when you're calm - if your mother feels like you're attacking her, she might get defensive and you could end up in a shouting match where nothing gets solved.

I also think Trippin makes a good point about your mum maybe wanting to help you, but she could be going the wrong way about it, and ultimately, what matters is how you feel about how she treats you. You have every right to set boundaries and people should respect them - sadly, some never will in which case I think it's best to try and keep away from them as much as you can..

As a long-term plan, I would start to learn ways of coping so that you can eventually move out. I know it's hard to trust others when you've been treated badly, but not everyone is like the ones who have wronged you. I have HUGE trust issues but have found that once I pluck up the courage to ask for help, people are generally quite nice and happy to help if they can. Good people aren't going to think you're stupid or weak - it's normal to need help, and healthy to not want to do everything on your own!

I really hope things get better for you - hang in there! All the best

[eskielover]

Don't wear that lipstick people will stare". Like I am ment to be concerned what people think because to be honest it doesn't matter if I wear green lipstick or red lipstick or even no lipstick. If people wanna stare their gonna stare why put assumptions of what there thinking of me when they could be staring for a different reason then she is saying? Maybe I look like someone they know for all I know. Why make me self conscious of others thoughts when it is none of my business?

It's obvious from what you write that she hasn't successfully brainwashed you into her thinking. So now it's time for you to put your focus into getting those skills needed to get the job that will get you out of there.

I assume your mom hasn't allowed you to have a therapist & don't know your age. Lol I fought my parents thinking from as early in life as I can remember but at 13 when I wanted out it was obvious I was way too young to get a job & get out. So I focused on getting my education so I would be able to be nothing like them & be completely able to support myself when I was finally able to get out. I found that when my focus was on positively getting out their words & ways had less effect on me also.

[seesaw]

I didn't read everyone's comments but I know exactly how you feel because when I was younger my mother body-shamed me about my breasts, which are quite large.

To be honest, most women who make fun of us with big boobs are just jealous because they can't fill a shirt out, lol, I have found. You know they are just trying to make themselves feel better by making you feel worse. Don't let them do it. Don't let them rent space in your head. Evict them from your thoughts today.

Stay strong and love yourself.

Seesaw

[divine1966]

My parents were the other way around and insisted I didn't wear a bra because supposedly it's bad for you. OMG I had huge breasts at 11. What a torture. I made sure my daughter wore a bra as soon as she needed it.

It's a shame your mom is harsh but I kind of wonder why don't you wear a bra?

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[black-roses]

When I was 10 and my mother left me with my dad because he was an abusive ****. He wouldn't buy us bras Daniela had to ask him for pads I never did because I felt disgusted and ashamed and thought my dad was a disgusting disrespectful woman hater. So I never asked and I wore bras either to big or too small I never got up the inshative to go to the bra shop and get my sizing done because I grow breasts and I didn't even understand what I was meant to do about it. So I just wore bras with bad fitting that was why my boobs sagged and that was long before I was even able to fix the damage because when I was 11 or so they were already sagged. Also, I was always losing weight rapidly and gaining it really fast. My skin never had time to repair itself because I was always overweight or losing weight really fast. I never have stayed a normal weight for a long time and always end up gaining a few kilos because I am lazy and thought myself to not give a **** because I am powerless anyway and if I chose to care it's not like my body will stay the same weight because I have a really slow metabolism.

[divine1966]

I understand and am sorry you had that crappy upbringing but My question was about now, not in childhood. As an adult why don't you wear a bra now? I am confused. If it's because you don't care then you might need to talk to someone about it. Do you work? How does the close fit without it? Isn't it uncomfortable

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[trdleblue]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I understand and am sorry you had that crappy upbringing but My question was about now, not in childhood. As an adult why don't you wear a bra now? I am confused. If it's because you don't care then you might need to talk to someone about it. Do you work? How does the close fit without it? Isn't it uncomfortable

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I'm a bit confused by this. Why would one need to talk to someone if they don't care about wearing a bra?

[Artchic528]

I can relate to this, believe it or not. My father would make outrageous comments about how he felt disgusted by the sight of my bare belly. Perhaps he was joking about it, but it felt awful all the same. I finally mustered the courage to tell him to stop, though my mother thought I was being overly dramatic, as per usual. He hasn't said a word about my stomach since then.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by trdleblue

I'm a bit confused by this. Why would one need to talk to someone if they don't care about wearing a bra?

She says she is powerless and lazy and just doesn't care ( sounds to me like not caring about yourself), she previously said she has hard time with washing clothes and basically taking care of herself. I think talking to t might be something helpful

[trdleblue]

Originally Posted by divine1966

She says she is powerless and lazy and just doesn't care ( sounds to me like not caring about yourself), she previously said she has hard time with washing clothes and basically taking care of herself. I think talking to t might be something helpful

For not taking care of yourself, yes I agree. Wearing or not wearing a bra is different to me. Evan with the sizing stuff.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by trdleblue

For not taking care of yourself, yes I agree. Wearing or not wearing a bra is different to me. Evan with the sizing stuff.

I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to wear a bra. I know quite a few women who don't. Clothes can fit jst fine without a bra you just have to try them on first.

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[black-roses]

I wear bras now and it is close fitting. I was just explaining how I got the sag that was in childhood. My boobs grown to an F so I got breast reduction surgary now they are an C I make sure I am always wearing a bra so I don't make those same mistakes in childhood. Also, I am controlling my weight now I have learnt from the past and I don't want unnecessary boob sag at 20 especially when the government spent all that money for 352grams on the left and 341 from the right to be removed...

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by black-roses

I wear bras now and it is close fitting. I was just explaining how I got the sag that was in childhood. My boobs grown to an F so I got breast reduction surgary now they are an C I make sure I am always wearing a bra so I don't make those same mistakes in childhood. Also, I am controlling my weight now I have learnt from the past and I don't want unnecessary boob sag at 20 especially when the government spent all that money for 352grams on the left and 341 from the right to be removed...

Wow, having F cups sounds painful. I can barely manage with my C38's. I'm sorry your mother is making you feel insecure.

[seesaw]

I'm a G sometimes H depending on fit

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[black-roses]

Even after the surgery she's like your boobs are sagging and their soft. Of course they are the surgeon said in 6 months they would drop. That is why the surgeons put your boobs so high that when it sags it is a natural amount of sag. The worst part was that I was only allowed to wear grandma type bras in two colour black and beige because so beautiful patterns were really available for my big bossoms. I don't care if they sag a little bit because at least I am not carrying that weight that I had around anymore. So things could have been worse.

Bras always made my boobs hurt ... I tossed them (the bras, not the boobs) into the dumpster back in 1993 ... Yeah, they're sagging, but the don't hurt and burn and sting like they used to ... They're our boobs and nobody elses, and therefore it's our business what we choose to do with them and nobody elses ... So, tell dear old Mommie Dearest that Pfrog said to shut the eff up, back the hell off and to mind her on dayum (southern for dayum) bidness!

I think it's worthy of a top of the page post as well ...

Bras always made my boobs hurt ... I tossed them (the bras, not the boobs) into the dumpster back in 1993 ... Yeah, they're sagging, but the don't hurt and burn and sting like they used to ... They're our boobs and nobody elses, and therefore it's our business what we choose to do with them and nobody elses ... So, tell dear old Mommie Dearest that Pfrog said to shut the eff up, back the hell off and to mind her on dayum (southern for dayum) bidness!

[black-roses]

That comment made me smile.

[divine1966]

I am 34E or F. It's impossible to buy a bra this size so I shop for bras in UK. They have good bra stores. My poor daughter has 32G.
She might need a breast reduction because it hurts her back, she has to sleep in nightgowns with soft bra built in. The thing is we are small with narrow backs so we can't buy just big bras. Somebody decided that big bras are for big women so it's total mismatch. Like if you are F they think you need to be 42 but in reality you are 32. It's tough.

It's ok to not wear a bra if one chooses. I can't imagine showing up to work with no bra. Ouch


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[seesaw]

I love not wearing one at home but at work, I'm too uncomfortable to not wear one. I don't mind being large. Dilllards always carries my size and I've even found good fitting sports bras. But maybe I've just been lucky.

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[Michael 77]

"What do I say to her to tell her I don't want her making those kind of comments because I feel it is not necessary and I feel quite upset over it."

That sounds good to me. How about just saying that? And when she comes back with "Well, I just don't want you to have saggy boobs" or whatever, you just repeat it. They call it "broken record" technique. "It's not okay for you to make those comments about my appearance." "I don't want you making those comments about my breasts." "I am upset that you keep making comments about my breasts, and I want you to stop." You just keep repeating the same idea over and over, until eventually she gets the message.

Your anger is a signal that you need to stand up for yourself.