Trying to reactivate friendships

Both my husband and my therapist have told me I should be more responsive to my friends. This whole infertility thing has really taken over my life and while I can go out with couples, I find it difficult to be alone with friends. I just feel so sad all the time and can turn it off when there are a bunch of people, but when I am alone with one other it is difficult because I really do not want to share any information, thoughts or feelings with anyone (except on this board). Anyway, I am seeing a friend for lunch today and apparently she told her husband who told my husband who told me that she does not understand why I have not responded to any of her phone calls in the last year. When I meet her today I am tempted just to act as though nothing has happened, but a part of me feels that I should explain that this has nothing to do with her, that I have not been able to communicate with anyone. I feel I owe her that, but I also feel that this is too personal and I really don't want to reveal this information. I also don't want to talk about the multiple failed ivfs and DE ivfs and the fact that I am still without child and I don't want to talk about what I am planning on doing either. Which is basically the reason I have stopped all communications with everyone.

Kitty,
I have felt the same way with ny depression. I just dont wanna talk about why and I have a hard time plastering the big happy face on and faking it. It takes too much energy and when I get home I just fall apart. In situations that I have had to explain I simply say that this year has been hard for me for alot of reasons, I really dont want to talk about it but I have been depressed and it's a little hard for me to be around people. I hope you understand and I want you to know it isn't that I dont care about you, I just needed some space.
Seems to do the trick and if they dont understand there isnt much I can do about that. Hope that helps somehow. i know it's is pretty akward.
I am sorry you are having such a hard time with things right now. I really dont know what to say. I hope things get better for you.
Heidu

Hey Kitty,

Lets start with a huge *hug*.
I understand how it feels to 'pull' away from friends. We have different reasons, yet the outcome is usually the same. We have very little or no friends at all. I have often thought, wouldn't it be easier to have friends who are also going through what we are going through? Perhaps. I can see the ups and downs of both sides of the argument.

I think you should tell your friend only what your comfortable with. Don't put to much pressure or pre-thought on what you will say. Most of the time, I rock up to a friendly meeting and have this whole thing in my head already worked out, yet when I'm sitting there it all goes out the window and something totally different is said.

I'm sorry to hear that your not having much 'luck' with ivf treatments. I hope everything works out the way you wish and you are able to have a lovely little child in your life.

In the meantime, take it easy and take care of yourself.
*hugs*

Hi kitty,
If you want you can reassure your friend that your abscense of communications has nothing to do with her and that you just have not felt like talking much to anyone due to too many things going on in your life right now that you'd prefer not to go into. Let her know that you still feel the same towards her as your friend (if you do, and want to let her know), this way she'll realize it really has nothing to do with her as to why you haven't spoken with anyone for awhile. When I was having problems here,it was about a year I did not bother with anyone, did not call the usual people that I use to, it was just aas if I had disappeared, emotionally I did sort of. In time I started to recieve phone calls and return to family gatherings like the "good old times", and everyone was good about it, no one was hurt or annoyed by my "abscense" over the year or two, they came to realize I needed my space and time. I don't know your personal relationship with you and you friends, but I am sure they can understand and if they care enough for you they'll wait for you and time to pass without any expectations of detailed explanations. The only thing if you find yourself tempted to snap at them if they seem to pry for info. you wish not to disclose, try to understand their curiosity and just be a little gentle as you tell them "you wish not to discuss it right now". I was happy later on that I did this, saved me from hurting those who really were people that meant well, sincere people, not nosey busy bodies. Kitty, I hope this issue will come to pass soon for you, meanwhile I am wishing you well with what ever you decide to do. I am sending you some *hugs* and *smiles*
Take care,
"darkeyes"

Thanks for all your responses. I ended up not saying anything. I was going to, but then I felt that I would be giving her too much personal information. I hate people knowing too much about me. She probably does not care much anyway. I was thinking the other day of how people would react if I died and that is really a good way to figure out who your really good friends are. However, I am going to make more of an effort to see more people as that seems to keep them all happy.