How do you do long term relationships?

Hi,

first of all, I am currently in my longest relationship (4 years in August) and it feels.. weird?
I ended nearly all of my previous relationships. There were different reasons (abuse were most of them, but also wanting to be free in general) and with my ups and downs I think it's safe to say I'm not easy to be with.

What makes it weird this time is.. it's not abusive? On the contrary I am loved and supported with all my flaws and litterally in "good and bad times". I can be hypersexual or asexual and it's okay? I can be depressed or hypo and it's okay? I can be man or woman or neither and it's met with exitement and support? I can have a crush on other people (and vice versa) and we swoon together

But the thing is, I have this urge to be "free". I love him and we have a child but I catch myself thinking on how I would manage it alone and not living together. We have spend so much time together that a part of me thinks it's time to move on. (I know "much time" is very subjective here). At the same time I think it's ******** because I really do want to have this with him and it's so full of joy and love. What is wrong with me? (not so serious question)

I heard part of long time relationships is to choose everyday to be together and make it work. And I'm not afraid of the work part. I just have this constant urge to move on? Had it all my life in all aspects of it?

I don't plan to end this. I have my moods and I know that this is sometimes more or less present and I am thankful of having him in my life.

But how do you do it? Why do you chose to stay? When do you chose not to?

Maybe the thought of being alone is from self esteem issues from previous relationships. Maybe a part of you is thinking "how could this man want ME?!" I feel like that about my bf all the time. I wonder how the hell he puts up with me everyday. My relationships always end bad and messy with someone in jail or the hospital lol! I've had a lot of abuse in the past and still wonder if a part of me deserved it. I know, that's sick right. No one deserves that. But maybe I do?

Well no. Neither of us deserve it. Don't be so hard on yourself and focus on your child and enjoy the happiness you're feeling now. Relationships take work. So never give up. I fight till the very bloody end.

Congrats on the long relationship and little one. Count your blessings dear. You deserve a good man. We all do.

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Choosing to leave, for me, is when it's no longer a healthy environment, rife with dysfunction and lack of respect.

How's coparenting? Are you both financially compatible? Is day to day living together becoming mundane or stressed by childrearing?

I had the urge to move on and be free in every one of my relationships. I was getting married and wanted to run a day before yet I was madly in love and my ex is a very nice man. I always wanted to run and be free until now. I think no matter what they were not perfect matches and subconsciously I knew

. I have no desire to move on or run. I finally met the right person and I think that's why I am finally home in this relationship. I feel no need to run.

Do you feel he isn't right for you?

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That sounds like a good parameter to leave!

We are both studying and I work part-time so money is on my part but he cares more for the child and is an excellent cook. We try to splitt housework fair (and because we know we suck in doing so we started to write our work down and talk about how we feel about it)

But of course it's stressing and mundane like every coparenting of a two year old child. But it gets better and we have an agreement were we're allowed to just send the other person away with child if we feel it's to much (did happen about..3 times?) without questions beeing asked in that moment.

@divine1966 I thought this, too. I mean, I also felt a long time of settlement and being calm and feeling home.
But now I also sometimes wanna run.

Thanks for your input everybody!

My bf is my home, my relationship brings me contentment, I can't imagine my life without him.


Howeverrrrr.... I do get restless legs at times and its not his fault. It's a combination of my bipolar and borderline habits, plus a life time of terrible coping skills.


Sometimes I just want to run from everyone, including my child!! But that's when its easiest to see my brain is just short circuiting and I need a major timeout.


What I'm trying to get at I guess is, this tendency of yours doesn't necessarily mean he's wrong for you. It could be old habits being hard to break.


Our default settings don't just automatically switch when life becomes good.

That reminds me a lot of myself.

It may be worth exploring....


Try and track when you get the urge to run, or when the urge is at its strongest. That way you can see if it correlates with any other stressors or if it is simply your default.


Either way you can work on challenging and changing it.