[Confusedandused]

I just need to rant.... For the last few days I have felt like just separating from my husband. I love him, why? I love him so much I don't want to be around him. Crazy right? He worked one day at a new job ( the first job in 5 months) and his "stomach has been hurting". Really???? He is off and on his meds. It makes me so mad. He knows this, because I cannot hide my feelings. I feel bad because I know part of his condition is depression. So, then I feel like I am making his depression worse. I have told him for 3 years now, he is letting his "BP" control him to the point that it is tearing us apart. I feel like when he is off and on his meds, which means we start all over with the sleeping 20+hours a day when he is off. UGGG so frustrating. I pay all the bills, I come home and have to do all the housework, cooking, etc. When he is up, he is on the computer or working out and then he goes right to bed. We don't even communicate. I try and he ignores me. This is getting so old, especially since it has been like this going on 3 years now.

I have no insights; I just wanted to say that I read your post and I can definitely see where this would be frustrating. Do you have children? Would a trial separation (or allowing him to fend for himself...I don't know?) for a time be feasible? Sorry, I've never been married. I am not sure what that would look like.

[Crazy Hitch]

You've got a hell of a lot on your plate and we all reach our threshold or breaking point. There's only so much that you can give in this relationship. Yes, I understand his depressive part and not wanting to do much. But he still has a responsibility to you too. So if he's up on the computer and not helping you around with chores ... well that's selfish. This has been going on for 3 years now. He sounds like he needs a bit of a wake up call to me. No wonder you're sounding a little frustrated. Who wouldn't be. Tampering with meds is certainly not helping his cause.
Any possibility you can go with him to one of his therapy sessions (if he sees a therapist, that is?)

[Confusedandused]

Ruari we do have children. We have two together. They come to me on everything from housework, homework, taking them to ball games, practices, etc. just tired of being a single parent in a marriage.

Originally Posted by Ruari

I have no insights; I just wanted to say that I read your
post and I can definitely see where this would be frustrating. Do you have children? Would a trial separation (or allowing him to fend for himself...I don't know?) for a time be feasible? Sorry, I've never been married. I am not sure what that would look like.

[Confusedandused]

That is the part that gets me too. He is not seeing a therapist anymore. He always tries to self diagnose or use the Internet to diagnose himself. He reads what others are doing and thinks that will work for him. I have been looking around at apartments or renting a house. I am limited because we have kids. We moved to my husbands hometown 3 years ago. So not only dealing with my husband and his deal, but new place. I didn't know anyone except his parents. I don't want to move our kids out of the school zone. I just wish he would get it together. But 3 years ugggg.

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

You've got a hell of a lot on your plate and we all reach our threshold or breaking point. There's only so much that you can give in this relationship. Yes, I understand his depressive part and not wanting to do much. But he still has a responsibility to you too. So if he's up on the computer and not helping you around with chores ... well that's selfish. This has been going on for 3 years now. He sounds like he needs a bit of a wake up call to me. No wonder you're sounding a little frustrated. Who wouldn't be. Tampering with meds is certainly not helping his cause.
Any possibility you can go with him to one of his therapy sessions (if he sees a therapist, that is?)

Originally Posted by Confusedandused

Ruari we do have children. We have two together. They come to me on everything from housework, homework, taking them to ball games, practices, etc. just tired of being a single parent in a marriage.

I'm sorry. I know I wasn't very helpful, but I wanted to try. I have a friend who is basically a single parent in her marriage (including with one special needs child) because her husband is a truck driver, and when he's home, he just wants to rest and have dinner on the table. It sounds very frustrating. I know it's easy for me to say, "Leave for a bit," or whatever, but I can't say I would just do that. I don't know. In any case, I am thinking of you and wish you well.

[Artchic528]

I agree that he needs a wakeup call. You are going to have to make him decide what it's going to be, supporting the family, or go find someone else to mooch off of.

I understand this so well but I couldn't possibly be as condemning as Artchic...

You are both really really in a horrible situation. I know what it's like to be the one with depression in a relationship. I have no idea how my husband is able to tolerate being married to me, despite his reassurances. I cannot see how he wouldn't be better off if I was gone. But I would not survive on my own.
I truly am in awe of anybody who is the healthy one....the one who deals with it all, the one who picks up the slack without any idea when (or if) things will get back to normal, the one who has had this all pushed on them, the one who is beyond frustrated because they have never experienced it, the one who seems to have no influence on the other....

I just get it. I have no words to help. I just understand.

[Fuzzybear]