When your partner knows you're upset...

When she knows you're in the other room crying and then you hear her snoring. You get back in to bed and she doesn't even notice. and tomorrow you will be the one in the wrong for taking sometjing she said the wrong way...
Feel like leaving but is it really worth leaving over something so stupid?

I'm sorry you are hurting. Can you talk to her about your feelings? Sounds like she may not listen too well. Try ok?

Sounds to me like there's been a few things going on in your relationship if you were thinking about leaving. Maybe you need to have a conversation with her about your feelings being acknowledged.

I had basically drained the hell out of her and in the end I woke her up and asked for a cuddle.

There's been a few things in our relationship in that my mental health has relapsed recently to a point she hasn't ever seen me this unwell. I know it's not easy for her to cope with and sometimes I expect more than she can emotionally cope with. I was thinking about leaving out of what I think is a bpd moment. When I think she doesn't love me I feel like leaving because I feel like I'm forcing her to love me. Obviously at 3am my brain is talking absolute rubbish. Shouldn't throw it all away just because it's a bit tricky, we've been through a hell of a lot and for the most part still have a good relationship. Mental health illness is a b***

I agree that individual and couples counseling are inot order. Good therapists can really help with healing and growth.

Maybe if you drained her, it'd be okay to let her sleep and cuddle when she wakes up? I know sometimes we feel super needy when we're in our crisis mode but if we don't allow our SO's to have their needs met, then they can't meet ours. Or they won't want to.

Oh she is ok with me waking her up for a cuddle, it's if I try and talk about things she won't tolerate. She always tells me if I'm feeling really bad in the night to wake her up but I rarely do.

That particular night, she was the one who upset me with something she said and then I resented that I had to man up and cry it out by myself. Woke up yesterday it wasn't even a big deal don't know why I got so upset.

I am very affectionate and am very available for my fiancée in every sense but waking me up in the middle of the night for a cuddle wouldn't fly. I don't sleep well as it is and have a demanding job. Waking me up for any reasons other than emergency is uncalled for. I wouldn't be waking him up either. I think it's rather selfish to wake up ones partner because person is upset ( if it's not an emergency). It's ok when young children do it but not adults IMHO. Do you work? Have other outlets? Are you in therapy?

You two might benefit from couples therapy. It's overall sounds like a tough relationship



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I appreciate what you're saying, I wouldn't wake her up for a cuddle if she hadn't told me that I could. She wakes me up for a cuddle sometimes too. Waking up for a cuddle is fine because there's no conversation. I was upset by her and then I felt like she didn't care. But after I calmed myself down I got back into bed woke her up for a cuddle and we both went straight to sleep.
I understand you thinking it's selfish, but this is something we have always been ok with in our relationship. She has always told me I should wake her up if I'm really struggling and not sleeping but I very rarely do.
Overall the relationship isn't a tough one, it's only been very recently as I've had quite a nasty relapse and she's never seen me this unwell.
We are working through it, she said she knows things are hard at the moment but that it will all be ok and she's not going anywhere.
She actually said she was glad I woke her up for a cuddle because she missed cuddling to sleep like we normally do. She said in the morning she was just too tired to set what she said straight and didn't want to say anything else to upset me so she just left it. So it wasn't that she didn't care, tbh she didn't have the energy and I was having stupid thoughts.
I'm not always thinking straight at the moment but I am trying to challenge my thoughts.

I'm having my medication adjusted slowly at the moment. And I'm 5 weeks away from getting my qualifications so it is stressful as it is. I do appreciate her, I honestly wouldn't be where I am today without her. I'd rather post my silly thoughts on here than tell her that she doesn't care about me when I know I will take them thoughts back anyway. It's not necessary to hurt her feelings just to make me feel better and I know that

I'm worried that people have a bad opinion of me already now... :-( damnit

(((((Robyn51)))))

Oh no, no bad opinion at all. I think I am thinking of waking up ordeal taking our age in consideration. I assume I am older and I didn't think that you might be younger. I don't sleep well, and if I am woken up I won't go back to sleep. I need to be alert in the morning.

You are doing well working through your challenges and hang in there!


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I don't have a bad opinion of you, and of course you have different agreements than maybe the rest of us do. I would most def have an issue if my partner woke me up for anything other than an emergency. I have to be up at 0530 for work, and people's lives depend on my being alert at work so it would be a definite issue. I mean, my s.o. would be important to me, but my livlihood is also pretty damned important as well. But we're also not in your relationship, so...

It's funny how people can miscommunicate. When I answered you I didn't notice your name. I thought you were a guy who was struggling with expressing his feelings. I thought the woman was kind of inconsiderate.
You know best about what you need to do.

We are both female :-) I'm not sure if that makes any difference

I'm 25 and she is 27, I was actually so worried that maybe I've been being selfish that I asked her what she thinks. Her reply was "it's not selfish at all, I've always told you to wake me up if you need me, if I didn't want a cuddle in the night I wouldn't share a bed with you."

I feel a bit better after talking to her about it and hearing her say "I wouldn't have it any other way" kind of makes me feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for our relationship and I know that I am very lucky.
So when I have these stupid thoughts that "she doesn't care about me" I am definitely thinking irrationally and talking utter rubbish