How do i get help

I have been reading up on depression anxiety and Narcissistic personality disorder I believe my wife has these disorders but she believes she is truly a bad person it started with her mother then on to a string of bad relationships and it seem that everytime I try to offer her help in some way she has an excuse on why she can't and its so frustrating for me im emotionally exhausted I want to get her in to see some one but she thinks theres a miracle pill she could take to poof make her a better person HOW DO I HELP HER ??

If you have narcissistic personality disorder, you may come across as conceited, boastful or pretentious.(this not so much) You often monopolize conversations. You may belittle or look down on people you perceive as inferior. You may feel a sense of entitlement(this all the time) — and when you don't receive special treatment, you may become impatient or angry.(this is all the time) You may insist on having "the best" of everything — for instance, the best car, athletic club or medical care.(and this all the time)

At the same time, you have trouble handling anything that may be perceived as criticism.(anything that I tell her in a negative way or anything that she precieves as negative this happens) You may have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, vulnerability and humiliation. To feel better, you may react with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make yourself appear superior.(this not so much if we argue or something negative happens she will just go to bed and sleep) Or you may feel depressed and moody because you fall short of perfection. CAN SOMEONE HELP ME TO GET HER IN TO SEE SOME ONE

Hello jpmanyhearts: I'm sorry... but from the Skeezyks' perspective there's little or nothing you can do here. Your wife is an adult. She has to take responsibility for herself. If she cannot, or will not, you can't save her. What you can do, & must do, is to take care of yourself... whatever that entails. If you don't know how to do that, then you may want to seek some counseling or therapy for yourself in order to help you figure out what you need to do. You cannot, nor should you, attempt to diagnose your wife. This is a job for a mental health professional. And you can't force her to see one if she chooses not to.

so how do you watch some one you love crashb and burn ??

Does she have an official diagnosis of sorts?

Does she recognise any of her behaviours as being an issue?

It's difficult to get help if she doesn't see a problem and isn't wanting to get assistance.

If she thinks there's a miracle pill - well, there is for depression. It's not a miracle pill, but it can help alleviate depressive symptoms, in some.

Perhaps encourage her to go to your family doctor and discuss her depressive symptoms to see what, if anything, can be done.

there is a problem she is obsessed with perfection if she takes a pill and it doesnt make her "perfect" then the medication doesnt work

Also is it true that depression "rubs off" on people ? I use to love working on classic cars and doing body work and being in the garage and Ive noticed that I rarly go to the garage anymore I would love to wake up at 6:30 or 7 and watch the sun rise drink my coffee and start the day now i sleep till 10 I would get sleepy around 11:00 pm now I dont usually untill 2 or 3 in the morning I'M NOT HAPPY WITH HER BUT I CAN'T SEE MY SELF WITH ANYONE ELSE ?? HOW DOES THAT WORK ???

Narcissists chemically emit toxicity which infects you and chemically binds them to you.Hence the comment,I am not happy with her but can't see myself with anyone else.
Narcissistic personality disorder, is incurable and pills won't fix this.Part of the brain is incomplete so the person feels no empathy,no love,they are regressed to age 5 and behave like children.They know right from wrong but choose wrong for selfish reasons everytime.

The time you stay with your wife is time wasted in your life you will never get it back and she will continue to abuse you.I kept loving my family of narcissists for 35 years hoping they would love me back, no, they kept me under their control,sabotaged my attempts to build relationships outside the family and almost drove me to my death in order to inherit money from me.

I have only now broke free,I don't regret my life but one thing I have is inside out knowledge of narcissists,they all operate in the same ways,and you can't change them, you can't help them and no doctor can,they don't listen to anyone and they won't expose themselves to professional help they won't even admit they are the problem it is always you is the problem.You won't solve this.You say you can't watch someone you love crash and burn ,she won't,you will be the one all burnt out if you keep trying to help her.

So...has she seen a professional?

I'd ask yourself. "What is it about me that continues to want to pursue an unfulfilling relationship?

Is it familiar to you to stay in unfulfilling relationships? If yes, then that may be the issue here. What she decides is out of your control. You can only communicate what you want.

Get help for yourself and allow others to be who they are. If you are unhappy and have done all you can to communicate your needs then that is really good feedback for you.

You honor others most by respecting their values and beliefs - even if they don't align with yours. AND that does not mean you have to stay married to them. They have their journey and you have yours.

I learned a long time ago "You can love someone but you don't have to like their behaviors"

It sort of sounds like you are "committed" to "fixing" someone and it's not working? Don't confuse that with love. In order for all relationships to work, two (not one) people have to have the desire to get into alignment. And you need proof that each person is trying to reach similar goals.

hope this helps.

Go to couples therapy. If she refuses, you'll be faced with the decision of things remaining as they are...or considering if you need a change. Its a big decision.

I agree with Skeezyks that you aren't in a position to diagnose her nor can you force her to change, get help, etc.

I also think Marilyn is spot on correct. I was married to a diagnosed narcissist. We divorced, he's the same...just not my problem anymore. They don't change because they cannot see anything about themselves is flawed. Their insecurity is massive so they can't admit to fault. A T told me that a narcissist can only be in a relationship with one person: themselves. Mental health professionals can only make a diagnosis. Heck, I was with him for 20 years and didn't know he was a narcissist. He opened that can of worms by insisting on psych evaluations in divorce court lol

Narcicissm has a very poor rate of cure: the narcissist doesnt think anything is wrong so how could it need fixing? It's tough to watch someone you love crash and burn but the very hard reality is that however much you care and want to help, you aren't in charge of fixing her.

yea but again if after b3 or 4 sessions shes not "fixed" she get upset and starts missing appointments

My partner suffers from what I think to be narcissistic personality disorder,obsessive compulsive disorder,Avoidant personality disorder and it absolutly paralized me I dont know what to do. heres the short version

ill start with her she was born to a mother who had a 3ed grade education and a father who was educated the father was in his garage all the time and when the daughter would go try to interact with him he would tell her to get out from under his feet and go play so 75 to 85% of her time was spent with her mom. From what she tells me her mother called her a dumb *** all ther time and told her she would never be loved and she would never amount to anything, fast forward to her 12th birthday fathers had enough and leaves for another woman, she remembers that day clearly, mother is really angry because of her husband leaving takes her frustrations out on her daughter for the next 3 years. Daughter cant stand it any more and finds the first guy that will show her "love" and marrys him at 15 everything was good for the first couple of years the husband starts hanging around the wrong people starts doing cocane beats daughter with a pistol fires pistol beside her head this goes on for a couple of 2 or 3 years decides to leave. husband #2 they get together and she gets pregnant husband gets scared and leaves when shes 3 or 4 months along. meets husband #3 at work and decides the baby needs a father and that she could learn to love him, he didnt beat her but he wouldnt pay any attention to her the whole 8 years they were together they made love 3 or 4 time all he would do is set in front of the tv and watch tv all day sleep or go to work. she left him after 8 years I think now we got togerther just weeks to a month after husband number 3 she got pregnant a couple of months after we got together now fast forward 6 or 7 years for that whole time she worked while I stayed home I joined the milatary couldnt cut it got out went to college I managed to get her into college as well but it was to fast for her and she failed after that she just gave up and fell into her depression where shes at today. Now I know that I had some to do with her depression and I'm sorry for that but do i need to appologize for the rest of my life ?? she says she cant get past what ive done being that she would go to work come home tired and I wouldnt have her nothing to eat cooked when she was pregnant with our 4th child she was bedridden I let her starve I dont remember that but what i want to know is how do I move on with her ? How does she move on from all her pain so that we can be happy please help

BECAUSE I FEEL OBLIGATED GUILTY I GUESS

so theres a phrase i use some times in my head tell me if im right

i go to her and try to talk to her about something thats negative (something that makes her a bad person) and she gets defencive and says "well what about you " what about the things you do ? then i say but were not talking about me were talking about you and that just starts an all out war so my phrase is when i turn the mirror around so she can see her self she doesnt like what she sees and turns it around again right ?

That is a 100% what a narcissist will do deflect from her faults onto yours and refuse to engage except in arguments and all out war.You think you are having a discussion with an adult whereby you will sort your differences point out the traits and behaviors you don't like come to an understanding and move on.Nope with a narcissist you are talking to someone who is all ego and like a five year old,gets upset and defensive and wants to argue win the argument be right,get to stay the way they are and not have to look at issues,looking honestly at self means reflecting and engaging feelings,they got no feelings,they can't empathize ,they can't see how you feel and care about that,they can't stand that they can't feel but they even more can't stand that you do and they need to to relate to you.So it becomes a power struggle thereby everything turns into a war for the narc to be right and convince you of that ,when she wins the war or argument and gets to be right then she gets to define how things are and how things are in her eyes is the problem is you not her.You aren't going to get through the thick brick wall that is the head and stubborn will of a narcissist.It is always going to be a power struggle to them whereby they have to win this power struggle and be the one in charge.
Also if you have let her down in the past then she views it as you owe her and are the one in the wrong,then ,now and always, one mistake whenever you make it will be held against you forever in the eyes of a narcissist,once your fault always your fault.

I'm not sure. I can tell you that I was married to a diagnosed narcissist for 16 years. It was depressing.

yes she brings that up all the time and i tell het that its not nfair to me to hafto appologize for the rest of my life im trying to let it go but its hard she says

I am sorry but she knows what she is doing, her answers to you are tactics in the war she is waging to get you to agree it is your fault and that things need to be on her terms from now on,agree to what she wants and you will never be happy ever.There is no cure for what she has got,get out while you still can and stop feeling guilty and don't accept it when she plays the victim cards she will abuse you forever and convince you she is the one wronged...these are typical narcissist tricks.

She likely does not think she needs to be "fixed." Probably won't change her mind in participating, but you may want to use a different word. She sounds like a broken car. "Fixed."

I agree with Marilyn.