Withdrawing from my group of friends

So I'm sad. I've decided to withdraw from my group of friends IRL. They're all wonderful, but I just can't see them. I used to be in a relationship with one of them and did so many things as a couple (for years) that I can't see the rest of my friends without thinking of how much I miss that relationship. And there's no way I can get over it if I'm constantly missing it. So I'm trying to slowly withdraw from all my friends. I don't ignore them (or not answer emails or anything), I've just stopped suggesting that we do anything together. And I'm slowly less and less available if someone else suggests it to me. It's terribly sad for me, but I don't think I can move on with my life unless I extricate myself from my reality as I know it. I'm being forced to change jobs (having been laid off), and I've even considered moving to another area of the country. I don't think I'm ready for that step though so will just pull away from my group. It's hard though. And really sad to be so lonely. I know I'll find a new circle of friends eventually, but right now I don't even want to look for any.

I am sad.
Sidony

((((((((((((((((((( Sidony ))))))))))))))))))))))

I certainly can understand why you are doing this. Yes, it is very sad and hurtful for a time. But, moving on to another stage of your life can be a happy time too. I wish you well in your journey to another plane in your life and hope it turns to happier times for you!

Good Luck!
J

Thanks. It's hard.

Like right now it's Friday night and I'm realizing I'm not going anywhere. Don't know anyone to spend my time with now. How sad. Maybe I'll work on my job search. Changing jobs at least will let me meet some new people.


Sidony

Thats a great idea! Make the time you have now at home be worth something and not sitting there moping around. It will take time, but it can be well worth the effort and wait.

((((((((( sidony ))))))))))

J

hmmm....it's friday night....are we supposed to be doing something??

sidony - i'm sorry you're going through a rough patch - withdrawing from friends and having been laid off!!!

i can understand why you want to withdraw from your current group of friends - but be careful. don't isolate yourself....is there noone in your group that you can talk to about this?

i know sometimes its time to move on from friends - we've all done it from childhood through adulthood. but after college i moved back home and lost touch with my college friends....and never bothered to make any new ones!!!

now my doctor is a little annoyed (or concerned) that i don't have a support system in place to help me through what i'm going through now.

especially with your being in between jobs - i was laid off before and i know how hard and scary that can be!!!

i'm just worried about you!! so get out there and make some new friends and find that awesome new job!!! i'm sure everything will turn out great in the end & in the meantime.....

....you can most likely count on me being around on friday night!!!

Thanks gostryter,

I told my best friend in the group about it, and she doesn't want me to leave of course. But it's even becoming hard for me to talk to her. I rarely see her without her significant other so I usually don't bring up really serious topics. Last week I went out to eat with just her and realized I couldn't even think of anything to talk about. I just mentioned that I was withdrawing and then couldn't go any farther with it. I think I talked a little bit about searching for work.

I'm depending on my therapist a lot now. I don't think he's really in favor of this whole withdrawal thing and was talking about me being depressed last time I was there. Well yeah, I'm depressed. I think withdrawing is going to help me though. I need to be with people where there's no shadow of my former self / former relationship constantly around me. If everything's new, I can look around and say "hey I haven't f---ed this up yet!" And then I can have a good time. And who knows, maybe I'll be better at relationships the next time around. I'm definitely learning a lot in therapy. I knew I wasn't good at talking, but I've slowly learned just how much I hold back without even noticing. I hope I can change that eventually.

Thanks guys. I appreciate the support.
Sidony

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gostryter said:
especially with your being in between jobs - i was laid off before and i know how hard and scary that can be!!!

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Yeah it's brutal! I had no idea it was coming, and I absolutely loved the job I had. Was planning on staying there forever.

Sid

(((sidony)))

what a rough time you must be having :-( look after yourself, and if you can still hang onto your best friend or any others from that group without painful memories, definitely try to. You sound really brave...