This Fathers Day I'll have to put up with my very difficult father. He invited himself over here like usual, ugh! I'll spare everyone the details and just say that I'm sure that he's has a narcissistic personality disorder and that he's also biploar but unmedicated. He has a very controlling personality. Everything is all about him and what he wants. When he doesn't get his way, he gets very upset and explodes like a small child who is denied a toy or something like that.

Well, long story short, my husband and I came back from a a two and a half week trip recently. AND I caught a sinus infection a week into the trip. I was still sick, and at my sickest when we came back. On the phone, he did NOT even ASK me how the trip was. He only asked if him and my mom could come visit us THAT weekend! WTH?

That is so typical of him, and even my husband and my mom think that he is crazy. I told him that I'm sick, but he didn't NOT care about that at ALL! He didn't even say, oh, sorry to hear that, I hope that you get better soon. That's because he is a selfish and insane person and always has been when it came to us.

He then snapped at me and told me that I don't want him over there. I told him that I'm sick, and that we're jet lagged and that I'm not going to deal with him right now. I hung up the phone after that. What a jerk! I HATE seeing him! He NEVER asks me if it's OK to come over! He'll call my husband , and then expect him to say yes. My husband now has to ask me if it's OK. He used to say yes to him w/o telling me first. I MADE him ASK me first.

Everytime he is over, he yells at me and my mom. He'll sit there and watch T.V and will have to be told that we're ready to leave numerous times before he even attempts to get ready to leave. He acts like our house is his, so he'll wake up early, and then knock on my door and expect me to get up early too too! He'll even knock on the door! He has NO manners! He'll try to sneak a peak into rooms with locked doors too! I have had to yell at him to not snoop as there is a reason the doors are closed! He is super nosy!

My mom is a nag too, so I'm not looking forward to seing her as she is critical too and she never shuts up. She is super annoying, and my husband agrees. He's very nice to them since they're old though. And not matter how stupid, crazy, and annoying old people are, he was raised to always be nice to them no matter what. They know that they can get away with almost anything, so they push boundaries all the time. I have to yell at them sometimes to keep them in line as being polite and talking to them has never worked.

Even my mom said that she'd make an excuse to not visit me when we got back since even SHE knows that visiting people right after a long trip from half way around the world is NOT OK, nor is it normal. It's even crazier to get mad about saying no to a visit, especially when someone is sick! He is insane!

How should I have handled the situation? To make things worse, my husband thought that I was being "nasty" with my dad. I was annoyed, but not nasty. How can anyone not be annoyed when being yelled at when they're sick and jet lagged and that person didn't even care enough to ask you how your trip was, or even hope that you get better? Let alone your own dad! I made a mistake of talking to him on speaker that time. Never again. He always takes his side, ugh! How would you feel if your dad treated you like that? He still hasn't even asked me about the trip or how I'm doing after all this time, and it's been over a week since we got back! He's nuts!

[kamikazebaby]

I can see two options I'd consider satisfactory (but most people wouldn't take them).

1) Terminate relationship with damaging parents.

OR...

2) Hard and severe boundaries with damaging parents in which their privileges are severely curtailed and no one calls or comes over without permission (if they do, ignore/do not respond). They must not have control.

Being nice and polite only allows them to take advantage and damage you further, unfortunately. And your husband needs to have your back, not your father's back.

Narcissistic parents see their children more like amenities to be utilized, or maybe furniture, so no, they really don't think about the feelings of said amenities/furniture. You can feel that when you're still and you think about it, can't you? Maybe you don't want to accept it, but trying to pretend otherwise if you have a narcissistic parent will only cause you more pain in the end. You just can't expect him to act like a parent, or even a civilized person.

[TiredPilgrim]

I'm sorry you have to deal with this, Shy. It sounds like you made a good start on the phone, though. You stood your ground, you gave good reasons for why they couldn't visit, and you hung up instead of getting bogged down in your father's ranting behavior. I think it is reasonable of you to expect to be given a certain period of time to recover from trips or illnesses.
I think it is reasonable to expect your husband to back you up with your father, especially when family dynamics are unhealthy at best. You might consider giving your husband a heads up next time when possible about what you would like to do or not do regarding your father. So he has a chance to be supportive of you, and less opportunity to fall back on his instinct to 'humor' his seniors.

Originally Posted by kamikazebaby

I can see two options I'd consider satisfactory (but most people wouldn't take them).

1) Terminate relationship with damaging parents.

OR...

2) Hard and severe boundaries with damaging parents in which their privileges are severely curtailed and no one calls or comes over without permission (if they do, ignore/do not respond). They must not have control.

Being nice and polite only allows them to take advantage and damage you further, unfortunately. And your husband needs to have your back, not your father's back.

Narcissistic parents see their children more like amenities to be utilized, or maybe furniture, so no, they really don't think about the feelings of said amenities/furniture. You can feel that when you're still and you think about it, can't you? Maybe you don't want to accept it, but trying to pretend otherwise if you have a narcissistic parent will only cause you more pain in the end. You just can't expect him to act like a parent, or even a civilized person.

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Hi, thanks for responding to my long post. I HAVE given them way to MANY chances for years, but each time, they let me down. Talking to them nicely only led to fighting, shouting, or just stupid passive aggressive martyr like behaviour from my critical nag of a mother who always has to be the center of attention.

She's almost as bad as my dad, but more transparent. Even SHE knows that there are limits to what is OK and not OK! Even SHE knows that it's crazy to come over right after people come back from a long trip, especially when sick! Thank God that she was willing to lie for me!

Anyways, I GAVE up on them a LONG time ago! I don't tell them a THING about my personal business that I would NOT want everyone to KNOW about! I'm hesitant to even send my dad vacation pics as once as a teen, he tricked me into going on this horrible 3 week trip into the wilderness, and then he took what I told him and wrote about it in HIS own words, w/o my permission.

It was beyond humiliating especially since he mentioned the fact that I had "Jabba the hut scented shoes" from not showering for a long time, ugh! He even made things worse by using a very dorky looking family pic in the paper. The only thing that made it from being worse was that it was published in a local newspaper far from us. He used a connection that he had at the time to get attention for himself.

I was livid, but it was to late to stop it from being published. He just laughed at me. He made up the Jabba the Hut comment, not me. AND a FEW years ago, he had the nerve to ask me to hold up a copy of the local paper of which he now writes to for fun and attention with me in it.

First of all, I HATE having my pic taken, and I HATE most kinds of attention. So no, hell no to all that I said! I told him that I refuse to do that, and if he dares to write anything behind my back, I'll know it as I can always check for stories on here easily, lol! I told him that it won't be easy to lie about things if he ever pulls that stunt again, lol!

He got mad and he couldn't understand why I'd be upset, but whatever. So I'll show him pics, but NOT send him any as he might use the pics to write another embarrassing story with claiming that they're his. And whatever I tell him will probably be embellished. He is controlling and my mom & sister have issues with him too. He treats us all like property like you stated. We have no right to have our own opinions or feelings. Anything that we think and feel that is different from what he thinks and feels is ALWAYS wrong and stupid.

He's very immature and makes silly noises and fart sounds to mock us and our opinions and laugh, or he'll yell at us and tell us that we're being silly or whatever for not agreeing with him. His temper is pretty bad, and pretty scary too. Once he took the two dogs that they used to have here years ago. I had to yell at him and threaten to let them out of the house if he didn't board them, or at least let them stay outside.

We have cats, and still have cats that they terrorized at the time. So long story short, he reluctantly let them stay outside. He tried to manipulate me by saying, oh, how could you let the poor dogs stay out in the cold, they'll bark and whine too. Uh, you should've thought about that before you let them come here you cheapskate.

He is a professional, but he acts like he was raised by wolves and he has zero class or manners. He has more money than he lets on, but he's very cheap and controlling. My poor mom rarely gets to go out, and she NEVER gets gifts, even on holidays. He even does the food shopping to control her even more and complains about her even spending $20, ugh!

I can't wait until they both die, they're both a pain, and both awful, very critical, weird,, embarrassing, and they both favor my younger sister since she kisses their butt. She needs to since my dad still pays for her Lexus and other bills maybe, But he did admit to paying for her leased Lexus for sure. Even though they live several hours away from us, he tries to come over here once a month, ugh!

I had to nag my husband to death to TELL me when my dad calls, and to always get MY permission before he invites him over! He has done that finally, but it took awhile for him to do so! God, I honestly can't stand them. They are horrible people. And so fake too. Sorry if I sound harsh, but like you said, I'm not a real person to them. You're right about that.

He's a sexist pig, and my mom is a very weak victim who never taught my sister or I anything useful about life. All she did was nag, criticize, compare us to other people, and treat us like her personal therapists. Especially me. My sister had a lot of friends at all times, so she wasn't home often, so I had to put up with my histrionic mom most of the time.

My sister doesn't really care for her either it seems like, but she pretends to care about her so that she'll pay for all of her clothing, gas, and meals when she needs her bad enough for monetary purposes. So sad! She never said, that but it's clear as day that she does. We don't get along because she is disgusting and fake. And nasty. I wish that I had at least one normal person for lack of a better word that I could get along with and relate to!

P.S... I can't really terminate the relationship due to my husband. And the fact that for now, my dad has surprisingly told me to my face that I'd be the executor of his will. He told me right to my face, right in front of my mom that my sister would take all of my mom's money and run. He also said that she'd blow through it in a year or less. Even my husband agrees with me on that.

I have to protect my mom. I feel sorry for her as she has been a victim all of her life, and I don't want her to end up homeless. No one in her family really likes her or keeps in touch with her.

She has zero friends as she's super paranoid, very stupid, spacy, overly talkative, fake, and difficult. My sister is super greedy and she has no heart. She only uses them for money. I don't care for them, but at least I wouldn't leave any of them w/o any money. I have some decency, and he knows that.

Originally Posted by TiredPilgrim

I'm sorry you have to deal with this, Shy. It sounds like you made a good start on the phone, though. You stood your ground, you gave good reasons for why they couldn't visit, and you hung up instead of getting bogged down in your father's ranting behavior. I think it is reasonable of you to expect to be given a certain period of time to recover from trips or illnesses.
I think it is reasonable to expect your husband to back you up with your father, especially when family dynamics are unhealthy at best. You might consider giving your husband a heads up next time when possible about what you would like to do or not do regarding your father. So he has a chance to be supportive of you, and less opportunity to fall back on his instinct to 'humor' his seniors.

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Thanks! I have written off that crazy freak years ago. His behaviour towards me now isn't quite as bad as it used to be, but it can still be bad at times. He no longer makes comments about my weight or gives me advice about my weight for example. I yelled at those two morons so many times to not do that, that even they go it after awhile, lol!

My husband is a bit sexist at times too, but not as bad as my dad for sure! I have put my foot down very hard with him too, so he doesn't dare cross me now! Ha ha! Finally! Victory at last!!!!! He'll NEVER be supportive of me. He even goes so far to cater to them, that he'll listen to my mom NAG him to DEATH about things that my late grandma did to upset her and how mean she was to her after more than 30 plus years ago.

She is insane too! He'll just sit there and nod his head and go uh huh, but when we're alone, he'll say, OMG, your mom blew my head again, she just wont' stop talking about the same crap again! I then laugh and tell him that he deserves what he gets for not having the guts to make an excuse to leave, and that's what he gets for being overly polite, lol!

[Nammu]

Have you thought about going to therapy to learn how to build better relationships with those around you?

[divine1966]

I recommend therapy as well.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[GameLover]

Originally Posted by Shy Introvert

P.S... I can't really terminate the relationship due to my husband.

Personally, I don't see why, of all things, your husband would get in the way of doing what might or might not be right for you...

I hope you don't feel forced to maintain the relationship for any reason, and that you maintain it because it's what YOU want to do/feel is the right thing to do

Remember you are your own person with and without those around you: you are strong

P.S. Maybe I misread you, but it seems like things are becoming... bearable now?

Originally Posted by Nammu

Have you thought about going to therapy to learn how to build better relationships with those around you?

-----------------------------------------------------------
I have. I stopped going since it wasn't helping me. I had a few bad therapists. A lot of them just listened to me talk, and that's it. They didn't offer much help. They have done nothing but blame me for everything. Not everything is my fault.

They have serious issues that they're all in deep denial about. My dad is a narcissistic and he has bipolar disorder and anger issues. Everyone agrees with me on that, my sister, my mom, even my husband. My husband doesn't know how bad he really is though. He does think he's a bit crazy though.

My sister is bipolar and she has ADD too. She lashes out at me when she's stressed out and angry, which is often. My mom is histrionic and paranoid. She's also delusional. It's impossible to talk to her as she'll space out and say huh quite a bit. She can't keep anything secret. She constantly likes to interrupt people. She is the worst listener ever.

My dad will explode if you don't agree with what he says usually. If we don't do what he wants when he wants, he'll get upset. Our feelings don't matter. It's all about what he wants and needs. He is clueless. He has no respect for women. We only exist to please men. He is real sexist and he never helps my mom with the yardwork or the housework. What kind of man does that? He treats her like a child and abuses her financially. It's really sad. He can be calm for only a short period of time. That's why I try to avoid him like hell when I have to be around him.

He never admits to being wrong as he's always right, ugh! Talking to them achieves nothing at all. You can't reason with people who won't listen. They can't see that they're part of the problem. None of them respect me at all. So why should I even try to get along with them anymore? They're lost causes.

Originally Posted by divine1966

I recommend therapy as well.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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I'm going to this free therapy place soon that's not to far away from where I live after I recover from this sinus infection. Like I said before, they are difficult people who refuse to work on their issues, so I can't be around toxic people like them for long. All they do is blame me, each other, and everyone else around them but themselves for their problems.

Why would any half way sane person even devote any time to dealing with people who refuse to acknowledge that they are part of the problem? They have no respect for me, and never have had respect for me. So, why should I even care about them? I wasted to much of my time and energy on them already. They always let me down, always. Everything is always my fault. Really? Ugh, no. I'm the only one who ever got help and got on the meds that I need.

They have done nothing but criticize me and put me down, and try to control how I think and act, so forget about them. They're toxic.

Originally Posted by GameLover

Personally, I don't see why, of all things, your husband would get in the way of doing what might or might not be right for you...

I hope you don't feel forced to maintain the relationship for any reason, and that you maintain it because it's what YOU want to do/feel is the right thing to do

Remember you are your own person with and without those around you: you are strong

P.S. Maybe I misread you, but it seems like things are becoming... bearable now?

---------------------------------------------------------------
I guess that HE wants to maintain a relationship with them, so that's part of the problem. I can't make that decision for him. Also, he is close to his parents and he gets along with his two siblings. He grew up in a normal environment. He was allowed to just be himself, and he was treated well growing up.

I grew up being yelled at for not agreeing with whatever my parents told me I should believe, think, and feel. Everything that they didn't like was either wrong, stupid, or bad. I was told how to dress, think, act, feel, what music I should and shouldn't like, just about everything. I dressed how I wanted to most of the time, and I didn't conform to what they wanted and expected of me. It's my life, not theirs, and I don't live to please them. My sister has issues with them too.

I had no right to feel what I did at all. I was like an object to them. Or a pet, it's hard to explain, but I think you know what I mean. They'd constantly compare me to others and complain about me all the time. That's why I still suffer from self esteem and other issues. They'd tell me that I'm to fat, that I'm being "anti-social" for being introverted and not wanting to socialize all the time, and that expecting any kind of privacy at all was weird to them. I never got into any trouble growing up, and I didn't even have any questionable friends that I brought home. So I have no idea why they'd act like they thought I was on drugs, lol. My dad even used to tape record our conversations on the phone. He's insane.

So going through my stuff when I'm not there is OK? They still do that to a certain extent, so they're the ones who are nuts. Also, they don't think there is anything wrong with airing my personal business to anyone who'll listen. They even gave out my personal email, phone number, and address to a stranger once without my permission. Who does that? I'm also "crazy" for having mental health issues, etc...They're toxic

[kamikazebaby]

Originally Posted by Shy Introvert

P.S... I can't really terminate the relationship due to my husband.

He should respect your wishes in this. It's your family and your mental health. A good spouse will support your decision for distance and/or termination of the family relationship.

Originally Posted by Shy Introvert

And the fact that for now, my dad has surprisingly told me to my face that I'd be the executor of his will. He told me right to my face, right in front of my mom that my sister would take all of my mom's money and run. He also said that she'd blow through it in a year or less. Even my husband agrees with me on that.

If you're the executor, it will only be a concern when he's dead. If you're the executor, your sister could only take your mother's money and run if she had easy access to the accounts, was authorized on them, etc. If she does somehow take what she's not entitled to...well, there's always court, if you want to pursue. IF that happens.

Originally Posted by Shy Introvert

I have to protect my mom. I feel sorry for her as she has been a victim all of her life, and I don't want her to end up homeless. No one in her family really likes her or keeps in touch with her.

The awesome thing is that...you are not responsible for your mother. You don't have to protect her from her own poor choices, especially not at great cost to your own health and welfare. (Seems to me she really didn't protect you all that well.) If you choose to attempt to shield her anyway, just be aware of the cost and the reasons you're doing it. Don't let them use your humanity against you.

Originally Posted by Shy Introvert

She has zero friends as she's super paranoid, very stupid, spacy, overly talkative, fake, and difficult. My sister is super greedy and she has no heart. She only uses them for money. I don't care for them, but at least I wouldn't leave any of them w/o any money. I have some decency, and he knows that.

I don't think it's necessarily about decency, and I don't think anyone who ever had an N parent would question you for cutting and running. In a situation like that, it's the best and most sane thing to do. You don't owe them, you really don't.

Originally Posted by Shy Introvert

I have. I stopped going since it wasn't helping me. I had a few bad therapists. A lot of them just listened to me talk, and that's it. They didn't offer much help. They have done nothing but blame me for everything. Not everything is my fault.

The only way therapy helps with toxic and/or a narcissistic parent is by teaching us how to protect ourselves and how to get out. One cannot work with the narcissistic parent. I foolishly thought years ago that mine had changed after therapy. NOPE. Still blind as anything, too.

The other thing about therapy (aside from the difficult task of finding a decent therapist) is that the whole you-control-everything-it-is-all-your-deal bunk that is so popular now. "Have a bad day? It's your fault for not thinking positively enough and failing to choose the right feelings. You chose to feel bad, didn't you? Because you can control all of your reactions to everything and make it all positive! If your life is difficult, it's your fault for not thinking the right way. If you were raised that way...well, that's your fault, too. Oh, and you allowed your family to treat you badly, so that's your fault as well and you can't say anything about how it hurts because you're responsible for everything. The end." And it goes on. It's such crap. Hell, I don't know about you, but if I wanted to be blamed for everything, I'd just get it for free by talking to my narcissistic parent. (Let me insert standard obvious disclaimer that we are responsible for our own choices, ourselves, etc - before someone freaks out, lol.)

Originally Posted by Shy Introvert

He never admits to being wrong as he's always right, ugh! Talking to them achieves nothing at all. You can't reason with people who won't listen. They can't see that they're part of the problem. None of them respect me at all. So why should I even try to get along with them anymore? They're lost causes.

This is why distance and/or escape is the only way to deal with them. There is no getting along with them. There is staying away, or there is subjecting yourself to the toxins and bearing the consequences of that.

Originally Posted by Shy Introvert

Why would any half way sane person even devote any time to dealing with people who refuse to acknowledge that they are part of the problem?

They wouldn't. People always looked at me as the bad person for not wanting to be around my parent, but if people haven't experienced that, they're totally clueless about what it's like and how damaging it is.

Originally Posted by Shy Introvert

They have no respect for me, and never have had respect for me. So, why should I even care about them?

You shouldn't. If you can stop, actually, that would spare you a lot of stress and grief.

Originally Posted by Shy Introvert

They have done nothing but criticize me and put me down, and try to control how I think and act, so forget about them. They're toxic.

That's much healthier for you than feeling responsible and beholden, IMO. Stick with that. And that husband needs to get on-board!

Originally Posted by Shy Introvert

I guess that HE wants to maintain a relationship with them, so that's part of the problem. I can't make that decision for him. Also, he is close to his parents and he gets along with his two siblings. He grew up in a normal environment. He was allowed to just be himself, and he was treated well growing up.

He's obviously lacking some empathy here. If something affects one spouse greatly and the other not very much, the one who is not very affected should yield, IMO. Especially in a case like this. How is it right for him to insist on contact with them when it's destructive to you and he really has no stake in it? If my spouse/partner told me they didn't want to see their parents or have contact with them, I wouldn't even need to know why (though of course I'd want to know because I care about spouse/partner). But if I knew it was upsetting or painful for them, I'd be all in and support them 100%. I certainly wouldn't be chatting with the toxic family on the phone and inviting them over.

Originally Posted by Shy Introvert

I had no right to feel what I did at all. I was like an object to them. Or a pet, it's hard to explain, but I think you know what I mean. They'd constantly compare me to others and complain about me all the time.

I certainly know what you mean.

Originally Posted by Shy Introvert

I'm also "crazy" for having mental health issues, etc...They're toxic

Oh, of course, because they have nothing to do with it. I especially love when my parent is like, "I wonder where you got these issues from!" INDEED, HOW MYSTERIOUS.

Originally Posted by kamikazebaby

He should respect your wishes in this. It's your family and your mental health. A good spouse will support your decision for distance and/or termination of the family relationship.


If you're the executor, it will only be a concern when he's dead. If you're the executor, your sister could only take your mother's money and run if she had easy access to the accounts, was authorized on them, etc. If she does somehow take what she's not entitled to...well, there's always court, if you want to pursue. IF that happens.


The awesome thing is that...you are not responsible for your mother. You don't have to protect her from her own poor choices, especially not at great cost to your own health and welfare. (Seems to me she really didn't protect you all that well.) If you choose to attempt to shield her anyway, just be aware of the cost and the reasons you're doing it. Don't let them use your humanity against you.


I don't think it's necessarily about decency, and I don't think anyone who ever had an N parent would question you for cutting and running. In a situation like that, it's the best and most sane thing to do. You don't owe them, you really don't.


The only way therapy helps with toxic and/or a narcissistic parent is by teaching us how to protect ourselves and how to get out. One cannot work with the narcissistic parent. I foolishly thought years ago that mine had changed after therapy. NOPE. Still blind as anything, too.

The other thing about therapy (aside from the difficult task of finding a decent therapist) is that the whole you-control-everything-it-is-all-your-deal bunk that is so popular now. "Have a bad day? It's your fault for not thinking positively enough and failing to choose the right feelings. You chose to feel bad, didn't you? Because you can control all of your reactions to everything and make it all positive! If your life is difficult, it's your fault for not thinking the right way. If you were raised that way...well, that's your fault, too. Oh, and you allowed your family to treat you badly, so that's your fault as well and you can't say anything about how it hurts because you're responsible for everything. The end." And it goes on. It's such crap. Hell, I don't know about you, but if I wanted to be blamed for everything, I'd just get it for free by talking to my narcissistic parent. (Let me insert standard obvious disclaimer that we are responsible for our own choices, ourselves, etc - before someone freaks out, lol.)


This is why distance and/or escape is the only way to deal with them. There is no getting along with them. There is staying away, or there is subjecting yourself to the toxins and bearing the consequences of that.


They wouldn't. People always looked at me as the bad person for not wanting to be around my parent, but if people haven't experienced that, they're totally clueless about what it's like and how damaging it is.


You shouldn't. If you can stop, actually, that would spare you a lot of stress and grief.


That's much healthier for you than feeling responsible and beholden, IMO. Stick with that. And that husband needs to get on-board!


He's obviously lacking some empathy here. If something affects one spouse greatly and the other not very much, the one who is not very affected should yield, IMO. Especially in a case like this. How is it right for him to insist on contact with them when it's destructive to you and he really has no stake in it? If my spouse/partner told me they didn't want to see their parents or have contact with them, I wouldn't even need to know why (though of course I'd want to know because I care about spouse/partner). But if I knew it was upsetting or painful for them, I'd be all in and support them 100%. I certainly wouldn't be chatting with the toxic family on the phone and inviting them over.


I certainly know what you mean.


Oh, of course, because they have nothing to do with it. I especially love when my parent is like, "I wonder where you got these issues from!" INDEED, HOW MYSTERIOUS.

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Wow, thanks for your great responses! Sorry to hear about your N mom- It's amazing to how some people can still grow up to be empathetic people after being raised in a toxic family! You hit the nail on the head with everything that you stated!

Thanks for understanding what I went through and offering support! I often feel like no one can ever really understand what it's like to grow up in toxic family, especially one in which one has more than on narcissistic person in it.
We don't owe family anything just because they're related to us! Toxic people should be avoided no matter who they are IMHO!

It IS waste of time and energy to try to reason with them like I said. I just saw them and I avoided them most of the time. That was the only way that I could maintain my sanity. Thank god that my dad didn't yell at me this time. Even he now realizes that doing so will never end well as I always stick up for myself now, ha ha. He still yells at my poor mom though!

As for my mom, I think that my dad will give ME what is supposed to go to my mom when he dies. Because he KNOWS that my greedy sister WILL take whatever money she has. Not all of it, but a huge chunk of that will go towards luxury cars, trips, bills, a big house, clothes, purses, fancy meals, etc....

My mom is extremely naieve and easily manipulated. She has no friends or family which is sad. I'm not sure if she'd even know how to live on her own. I'd have to look for an assisted living facility for her when the time comes. My ***** sister probably won't take care of her when she can see she has nothing to gain by doing so. I'll have to tell my mom in the future, see, I told you so, but you didn't listen to reason back then like you should have.

So I'll be the "gatekeeper" of my mom's inheritance when the time comes. My sister will do one of two things then, she'll fight me tooth and nail to regain control of my mom's money claiming that it's my moms money just so that she can get her greedy hands on it, or she'll try to manipulate me by being fake nice and stuff like that.

I won't fall for it though. I won't let her trick me into anything. I'll have so much fun denying her access to money when hers runs out, LOL! She'll no longer be able to afford to drive a Lexus around when I'm in charge for sure, ha ha! I won't give her a penny for a used car even as I'll just say, well, that's not my problem now, is it? I'm not dad you know, the word sucker isn't my middle name anymore, lol.

I feel like people who don't have difficult family members can't ever understand why we can't just suck it up and try to get along with them? Ugh! It seems like they think it's somehow our fault for not being able to get along with them. I don't get that. It's not as you stated.

As for my husband, he doesn't get it of course. He just wants everyone to get along. I wish that he would me more empathetic, but he's not that way. Ugh. There is only so much that I can do. Thank god that we live far away, and I only have to tolerate them for two days at a time every few months. I can deny their visits too, and I often do. My husband now has to ASK me if it's OK if they come over or not-