[TishaBuv]

My husband knows I am constantly on here posting about myself as well as talking with others. He is the one who said he thinks I have BPD. He knows the focus of all my 'disorder' is my bad relationship with him because of HIS actions.

He is constantly on his iPhone playing games, reading the news, scanning Facebook, yet he has no interest or inclination to go and look on here to see what the hell I am writing.

If I knew he was on here writing about him and me, I would definitely be secretly reading what he is writing and trying to solve our problem. Isn't it strange that he doesn't even care?

What's your experience with this?

Well I'm not so sure he doesn't, after all how would you know. This is actually a reason why I am careful not to discuss my current relationship and limit myself from accepting friendship requests. I have to ask myself, "How would he feel if...?" and "Am I being fair?" I've had too much experience with significant others behaving what I personally find questionable behind my back.

Perhaps it's not that he doesn't care, perhaps instead is that he has a different perspective or idea about what this forum is.

I've told my own BF and he has shown no interest. On the contrary he seems quite supportive and encouraging that I am making efforts to look after my mental health.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

My husband knows I am constantly on here posting about myself as well as talking with others. He is the one who said he thinks I have BPD. He knows the focus of all my 'disorder' is my bad relationship with him because of HIS actions.

He is constantly on his iPhone playing games, reading the news, scanning Facebook, yet he has no interest or inclination to go and look on here to see what the hell I am writing.

If I knew he was on here writing about him and me, I would definitely be secretly reading what he is writing and trying to solve our problem. Isn't it strange that he doesn't even care?

What's your experience with this?

if my SO wanted to talk about me and her, then she should do that with me, if she wants me to know what her concerns are, talk to ME.

Saying that you wish that your SO was "concerned" or cared enough to spy on your threads and secretly reading what you're writing is faulty thinking iMO. I mean first off, you each have your own private space. It should be respected and if he is aware of the fact you post here, I imagine for him, it's enough that you're aware he can come look at any time, but outside of that he doesn't need to go looking for, or watching what you type. That just seems like an invitation for a disastrous situation there.

ofc your stating that you would be spying/secretly reading his writing makes me think about your opinions on privacy. Does it concern you that you know you'd be the type of person that would do this kind of thing? he and you both once again, I repeat, have a right to some privacy! even if it's not that you're hiding anything, there should be no spying or secret reading going on in any relationship.

Why not instead actively bring up the subjects yourself that you voice on here?

tldr; it's not a sign he doesn't care that he won't spy on your forum activity.

[divine1966]

We have a lot in common but not in regardless to online activities. My fiancée is on Facebook and I am not, he plays some game on the Internet and I don't. He is on Pinterest a lot which I don't do. I go on forums like this one but he doesn't. He likes news online and I dont. I can't care less what he is looking up on line. We are kind of lame in a sense. We don't do porn or chats or anything fishy etc. neither one of us has desire to snoop.

Your husband not snooping doesn't mean he doesn't care

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[TishaBuv]

Well, knowing him as I do, he really doesn't care. It does not even cross his mind to 'spy'. If it did, you might be right, that he doesn't because he respects boundaries.

If it were the reverse, I absolutely would be reading it in hopes of repairing my marriage.

I don't spy on his Facebook or anything else. I do respect boundaries for the most part.

I have talked to him about all my feelings. I have talked myself blue in the face. No hopes of solving my problem.

I guess posting here doesn't solve anything, either.

Nothing solves my problem.

Shut mouth. Cry alone.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

My bf knows i post here about my BP and knows my screen name which does make me wonder. I mean, it's a public forum. He could go on here himself, type in my screen name, and see stories of HIMSELF all over lmao. When i speak of him on here I make sure to think "what if he were to read this?"

I'm honest with him anyway and he is glad I have this place for support and he knows he can't give me what people do here, knowledge and understanding of my MI.

I do try to come to him a lot too. But mostly my concerns are met with a blank stare because he doesn't understand MI whatsoever. I do involve him and invite him to ask etc because it does make me feel like he cares. But honestly, unless I bring it up myself, it's on the back burner to him. I think it's a guy thing. Maybe they just SEEM like they aren't listening but are? Lol. At least I hope.

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[Crazy Hitch]

Ah yes my (ex) SO knew damn well I was here. And what my diagnosis were but didn't / couldn't / wouldn't be bothered going on here. Anything to do with bipolar ... He didn't give a rats *** about and that sucked.

[s4ndm4n2006]

I don't see a point to looking for information on my partner on a forum if I'm supposed to be the trusted confidant about everything! if it's something I should know about why should I have to go looking for the information? I really don't get this thinking. If she doesn't tell me what's going on and is on a forum instead of talking to me about it, that's on her. If there is something she is looking for advice on from others and wants me to know about what she found out, then tell me so and I will read it WITH HER or with her knowledge and at her request. I just wouldn't poke around on my partner to see what she's posting on any forum or site, period - unless she gave signs she was cheating and then I doubt I would be coming to PC to look for that information anyway!

my 2c

[kamikazebaby]

My last partner sounds kind of like yours - she had no interest in what I wrote on forums about BPD or relationships, and wouldn't participate. She also refused to do much work on our relationship at all. Kind of tells you what you need to know, even if you don't want to believe it.

[divine1966]

I really don't understand why people expect their partners read up what they post on forums in order to improve relationship. It doesn't mean one doesn't want to work on a relationship. Of course one might not want to improve relationship, but them not reading on Internet forums isn't any kind of indication of them not interested in improvement. I just don't see a connection between wanting to improve a relationship and reading what their partners post on line or posting on Internet forums themselves. I don't see the connection

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[kamikazebaby]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I really don't understand why people expect their partners read up what they post on forums in order to improve relationship. It doesn't mean one doesn't want to work on a relationship. Of course one might not want to improve relationship, but them not reading on Internet forums isn't any kind of indication of them not interested in improvement. I just don't see a connection between wanting to improve a relationship and reading what their partners post on line or posting on Internet forums themselves. I don't see the connection

It's not just "reading what is posted", it's about being interested in the other person and being willing to participate in some way, even if it's just discussing it and caring.

Some forums are specifically for working on troubled relationships and kind of need both partners participating to be pointful. Same with the therapy. Additionally, if people say that they noticed in their relationship that their partner was unwilling to work on or improve the relationship, they're probably talking about more than the lack of forum participation, reading, or whatever else they've mentioned but it's one of those TL;DR things. Trust in the personal experiences that people say they've had. The person relating them obviously knows best what happened/is happening there.

[divine1966]

I understand being interested in the other person. I just went by what you said that your partner didn't read what you wrote on forums. I didn't know those forums were the ones were both people have to participate. It's different then. My bad. Which forums were those?


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[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by kamikazebaby

It's not just "reading what is posted", it's about being interested in the other person and being willing to participate in some way, even if it's just discussing it and caring.

Some forums are specifically for working on troubled relationships and kind of need both partners participating to be pointful. Same with the therapy. Additionally, if people say that they noticed in their relationship that their partner was unwilling to work on or improve the relationship, they're probably talking about more than the lack of forum participation, reading, or whatever else they've mentioned but it's one of those TL;DR things. Trust in the personal experiences that people say they've had. The person relating them obviously knows best what happened/is happening there.

Thank you. You understand me.

Well, no conversation matters anymore, anyway. Tonight he pushed me into taking it to a whole new level of ugly hell. Maybe I pushed him away for good, finally.

He just wouldn't give me the one thing I needed him to give me. The ultimate struggle for control to the death. He really triggered me right into having bonafide BPD traits.

Do you know what the bottom line is? People who say they love you, but they really don't. They are only willing to give you, what they are willing to give. They will hurt you, make you cry, and say that they love you.

My mother was verbally and emotionally abusive laying into me, berating me, while I cried hysterically, and she would show no mercy, no softness, not letting up.

My husband has to push my buttons like he does to the death while acting like he is so innocent. I am not talking any more about him not reading the forum. Forget I even mentioned it. It's our ridiculous struggle over passion.

Well, ugly venom spewed from my mouth tonight. I finally said the deep, dark truth of how I really feel. I've done it now.

I wish he would just go divorce me. Please just go.

Does he really care? Not enough to give of himself for me. He was still just coming back at me that I need to bend to his will. I need to change. And I told him, I just can't control my emotions in this anymore.

I'm walking around, trying to participate in life, picking my son up from camp, taking a class, seeing customers, with swollen crying eyes, nose, face. I somehow pulled myself together to do those things today. Then I fall apart the minute I'm alone.

He just doesn't know how to get along with me. Instead what he says and does is nails on a chalk board. He provokes me to get hysterical.

I like my friends here on PC. I feel like I have gotten to know you all.

I am better with friends. My husband is like the enemy.

[Crazy Hitch]

Let me clarify.

Anything to do with my bipolar my (ex) husband wasn't interested in. Be it a conversation, an article, something I've posted on the forums, something my psychologist said ... etc....

[Raindropvampire]

Hubby knows but I don't think he cares.....at least he's never shown any interest in what I have to say here.

[divine1966]

I am sorry you are struggling tisha

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[s4ndm4n2006]

Tisha. I'm sorry for your struggles with your husband. I don't know the details of what your confrontations are about, which buttons are the ones he pushes or any details from just this and maybe one other of your threads I've read but I do know how It is to be with someone that does such things. I was in my relationship, married, now separated (unfortunately still living with her) for over 14 years enduring such things. Still is starting to crop up now after she's been "living separately" in my home for almost a year.

I hate to think that you're dealing with such things but apparently you're as bad if not worse off than I have been. I am only still married to her because she has to get out and live away for a year before we can sever the ties. I dunno if this is an option for you but instead of waiting on him to divorce you as you said, you should do it if that's what you want and you see no hope in things improving. I'm not one to push divorce but there are appropriate situations for it.

*hugs*