[black-roses]

Okay, I have been finding it strange when I was growing up guys never found me attractive even though I was pretty and then all of a sudden I get these guys giving me their numbers on Facebook. Like I don't get it it's confusing and makes me feel anxious like before I was never attractive enough and now I have to sift and block through random guys who hit on me what happened to how things were? What happened to those guys that didn't think I was attractive? I can't get used to this attention it is weird!!!

[scorpiosis37]

It could be that guys find you physically attractive but they don't connect with your personality in person. Attraction is about more than looks. You often come across as a bit negative, and you've said you struggle with motivation, and that could turn people off in person.

[~Christina]

Why don't you change your settings on Faceook so you would have to accept them.. they can't just pop up on your page ...and obviously don't add someone you don't know.

YOU control your social media, You are the one that can make changes so that whoever these guys are won't be able to pester which usually involves you exploding over unwanted attention.

You can always take a long break from all social media and focus just on yourself

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

It could be that guys find you physically attractive but they don't connect with your personality in person. Attraction is about more than looks. You often come across as a bit negative, and you've said you struggle with motivation, and that could turn people off in person.

I agree that I would come across to a lot of guys as not knowing what I am good at. I might appear a bit lost so they may not want to be a guide or a counsellor to me because I appear as someone who needs that extra guidance and maybe they just don't know how to help someone like me.

[divine1966]

Don't give strangers your phone numbers please

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[black-roses]

No but strangers give me there phone number and I am like who are you???!!!

[Ocean Swimmer]

Just remember. You are a valuable person.
Men find me more desirable if they know I'm wealthy.
Online there are a lot of predators. Who knows what they are looking to accomplish. Plus some people post false info. A photo that isn't them for example.
Do the things you love and you'll meet someone who loves the same thing!

I am wondering why you are accepting strangers in your friend's list anyway. Also, their giving you their phone numbers is a sign they want something in return. please, Please, PLEASE delete these people from your friends list and never accept a 'friend' you have not met personally - this even includes friends of others. NEVER PUT YOURSELF IN SUCH A DANGEROUS POSITION! Never assume that someone you have never met is on the up-and-up. Please be more responsible.

[black-roses]

I am not accepting them as friends see facebook has an "other" box and I see those randoms convos from there I normally ignore or block.

[divine1966]

Why isn't your profile private? Why do strangers see it? If they don't know you they shouldn't see your profile

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[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by black-roses

I agree that I would come across to a lot of guys as not knowing what I am good at. I might appear a bit lost so they may not want to be a guide or a counsellor to me because I appear as someone who needs that extra guidance and maybe they just don't know how to help someone like me.

The person you date shouldn't be a guide or a counselor. The person you date should be an equal; a partner. If you feel like you need guidance, that's where therapy or life coaching comes in. Working through that and figuring out what you're good at or what you're passionate should be your own, personal journey. You're young so it's understandable you haven't figured that out yet. Just don't look to a partner for that. It makes relationships unhealthy when one person is is control and the other is the follower. It's much healthier to be in a relationship where you are equals.

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

The person you date shouldn't be a guide or a counselor. The person you date should be an equal; a partner. If you feel like you need guidance, that's where therapy or life coaching comes in. Working through that and figuring out what you're good at or what you're passionate should be your own, personal journey. You're young so it's understandable you haven't figured that out yet. Just don't look to a partner for that. It makes relationships unhealthy when one person is is control and the other is the follower. It's much healthier to be in a relationship where you are equals.

I definitely agree with you but when your mentally ill your mentality can change and I think I spent talking to guys as a distraction instead of dealing with my mental issues. I saw relationships as my scapegoat I went into relationships to escape my chaotic family I ended up lying to myself about how I truly felt and I never want to do that to myself ever again it lacks integrity. I fear that I will always be in relationships for that reason instead of genuine feelings that is why I hold back a lot from meeting new people especially men. I fear letting my desperate desire to escape my problems will be controlling how I feel.

[divine1966]

Well can you use friendships as distraction or hobbies? Using strange men as a distraction is a dangerous thing

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[s4ndm4n2006]

if it bothers you you should turn privacy on so that randoms can't see your stuff or contact you. Much easier that way.

As for being attractive now? Things change, physically and environmentally there can be a number of factors as to why you'd be attractive now rather than before. Some people as youngsters aren't all that attractive but grow into physically attractive people later on.

[black-roses]

I was quick to hit puberty I just think these men are on drugs thats all

[black-roses]

I mean normal people don't go randomly messaging girls hitting on them thats something people with mental issues do. Seriously BOUNDARIES people!!!

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by black-roses

I mean normal people don't go randomly messaging girls hitting on them thats something people with mental issues do. Seriously BOUNDARIES people!!!

Actually many men do. Not me, but many men do this. And no I do not think men that hit on women randomly online or in real life are on drugs or mentally ill. shallow? yes. Try not to be so negative at men.

Thing is, even as the world has changed by and large much of the dating and making a connection to the opposite sex still rests with men. I do not think it's wrong or bad, inherently but my point is only to say that with that in mind you might understand better why a number of men do this. Lacking the knowledge on how to approach women many men only know how to "hit on" women randomly.

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Actually many men do. Not me, but many men do this. And no I do not think men that hit on women randomly online or in real life are on drugs or mentally ill. shallow? yes. Try not to be so negative at men.

Thing is, even as the world has changed by and large much of the dating and making a connection to the opposite sex still rests with men. I do not think it's wrong or bad, inherently but my point is only to say that with that in mind you might understand better why a number of men do this. Lacking the knowledge on how to approach women many men only know how to "hit on" women randomly.

Thank you so much for this I was seeing this as a negative thing but some of these guys just my not know how to approach women and can only compliment them. I didn't understand that before but now I do and I think it can be cute that some of them try to talk to women but a lot of the media and movie portrays women as also being shallow and only caring that a guy focuses on their beauty and etc. Unfortunately, that misrepresents how women are and what they are looking in relationships.

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Well can you use friendships as distraction or hobbies? Using strange men as a distraction is a dangerous thing

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I started doing yoga and I find my body is feeling healthier and tighter also my mind is sharper I am thankful for exercise and yoga for existing it has done wonders for my mind!!!

[ComfortablyNumb5]

If I'm not mistaking, you did web cams with men correct? Perhaps you're attracting what you're putting out there. Have more respect for yourself and boundaries. Ignore and block these men and don't let them lead you on a convo about sex and provocative subjects. I'm not saying you're doing these things, but if you are/were doing web cam shows for men, I get the feeling you may be attention seeking and that's why you're attracting these men. And if you've left all that life behind you, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to take a break from social media or make a new profile reflecting only the good and healthy things you're taking part in now.
And just because a guy gives you his number doesn't mean he's MI or on drugs. That's a bit much to say.

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[black-roses]

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

If I'm not mistaking, you did web cams with men correct? Perhaps you're attracting what you're putting out there. Have more respect for yourself and boundaries. Ignore and block these men and don't let them lead you on a convo about sex and provocative subjects. I'm not saying you're doing these things, but if you are/were doing web cam shows for men, I get the feeling you may be attention seeking and that's why you're attracting these men. And if you've left all that life behind you, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to take a break from social media or make a new profile reflecting only the good and healthy things you're taking part in now.
And just because a guy gives you his number doesn't mean he's MI or on drugs. That's a bit much to say.

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what about the men who were talking to me provocatively before I webcammed? why is it that it is always my fault that a guy has no respect for my boundaries? I mean honestly that is rape culture right there people should be able to be sexual or not and not worry about rape and being disrespected. No matter what you are.

[Trippin2.0]

But what are your boundaries?


Have you set them clearly and are these people aware of them?

Your boundaries seem to change on a whim, from hating all men to comfortably naked in front of strange men... See how confusing that comes across?

People can't smell these personal boundaries you speak of, they need to be communicated clearly, and if you're not doing so, then of course people are going to take chances and push the limits for as long as you allow them to.

Who knows, maybe the phone numbers and the influx of attention is a result of your web camming, for all you know these guys could have been viewers...

No need to hate on RXQ for pointing out the obvious....

You really need to set up boundaries. You also need to evaluate yourself: ask yourself what are the expectations you have in others? What crosses the line? Do you yourself meet these expectations? What would you think/say to a peer if they were encountering the same situation(s)? What are the advantages? Of course the big litmus litmus test is would you be proud of your choices down the road? Could you ever discuss this with a future partner or even child?

Also, what messages would you say you are conveying? Is this something I am encouraging?

[A Red Panda]

Please don't be so offensive towards mental illness! Saying that all men who behave like that must have mental issues...... Seriously that is so beyond offensive to all of us who have disorders!

How do all these men get access to your fb profile? Do you advertise with it? Are you part of many Facebook groups that you are really active in or that advertise you?

Do you use your real name in both your webcaming and fb, or the same alias?

How do you advertise for your webcaming? Wherever that is, can't you add in a message saying that you will not be responding to messages on your personal pages.... And then maintain that?

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

But what are your boundaries?


Have you set them clearly and are these people aware of them?

Your boundaries seem to change on a whim, from hating all men to comfortably naked in front of strange men... See how confusing that comes across?

People can't smell these personal boundaries you speak of, they need to be communicated clearly, and if you're not doing so, then of course people are going to take chances and push the limits for as long as you allow them to.

Who knows, maybe the phone numbers and the influx of attention is a result of your web camming, for all you know these guys could have been viewers...

No need to hate on RXQ for pointing out the obvious....

I didn't mean to hate on you I thought you were blaming me for these men behaving this way. I never considered that I may have a problem enforcing boundaries and changing on a whim. I have never realized that I have been confusing men adding to the little problem I am having.