Here we go again?

His mother. Same old story of manipulation, sort of.
She had to be taken to the ER. And although she can be a pain, I was worried. So I kept calling the house, getting no answer. Finally I called, she answered so she was home. Good.
The following week. I called to check on her, she said the day before she had to go back to the ER. We talked, she was glad I'm looking out for her. Good.
Today. I called again because I promised I'll keep in touch. She said she had to go back to the ER yesterday! I asked about her eating habits, etc. She said this time (yesterday) they had to use a machine to start her heart back. Not good. Then I remembered after the second time of being in the ER, she said she gets excited and aggravated. So today I asked her what is it that's making her excited and aggravated.
She said life in general. Then, and I couldn't believe it, she said it was when i got her upset...back in July this year. "But that's over with now" she said.
So she's gonna let something that happened past July get her excited and aggravated? Unbelievable! Even though she said "but that's over with" in the next breath? Are you kidding me or what!?
A girlfriend told me not to let her raise my pressure up, and girlfriend sure enough didn't have to say that for child, pul-lease! I sure aint!
Oh and I asked momma how did she get to the hospital yesterday since, I'm thinking to myself, her son, her "go to man" isn't around. Again unbelievable! "Well it's not far, so I drove."
Sooo, I said to myself, you CAN get around after all.
Yes, she's sick, there's no doubt. But she's sick in another way too. She's using people. She manipulates, etc. My girlfriend said that was three times in one week I called to check on her, and so girlfriend feels I need to give it a rest for a bit. Yet momma, one of her last words before we hung up was "please keep checking on me." Really? So you can try your best to treat me like you treat your children? I DON'T THINK SO! YOU DON'T KNOW ME LADY.
I'm really wondering if her son was there, my boyfriend, would she want me to keep in touch? Of course not! Because then she'll have her "go to man" to do all the dirty footwork. And has the nerve to bring up stuff back in July this year. In effect blaming me!! I'm not your son lady! I definitely know how to say NO!

Wow there's no love lost between you two lol.

I don't think you need to take on the role of carer to your bf's mother. It doesn't seem to be doing you any good. You just get wound up over it all.

Likely this old lady has no idea how you truly feel deep down inside about the whole thing. She'll get the hint when you back off a bit.

Thank you.
And that's exactly what I'm going to do...back off a bit.

Good luck

I'm sorry I don't mean to be so skeptical but do we even know if she really had to go to the ER that many times or if she did? The way it played out and how she seems to want to have you keep 'checking on her' I wouldn't put it past some people to actually fake stuff to make people worry in order to gain sympathy.

That's just how this reads to me. You're doing the right thing. back off... let it go.

Oh my goodness! I mean oh-my-good-ness!
Because actually, I had thought of that too!
I remember one time during the summer and I was there, and boyfriend took her to a doctor's appointment. When they got back, I'm all concerned so asked her how things went. Before she got a chance to say anything, I happened to look at him, and he said to me "she'll be alright" in an off hand kind of way. But then she started carrying on about what the doctor said, how the nurse began treating her while taking her blood, and so forth, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Now. Is it possible that she didn't go to the ER the second and third time? Yes it is. But then it's possible she did. I don't know. I'm really flabbergasted that she brought up something happening way back in July as one of the causes, according to her, that's making her upset, excited, especially since "but that's over with now."
Yeah she's 92 but I refuse to take that into consideration as in she can't help herself, and after all, as some feel, "she's 92." I'm absolutely certain there are some older and they don't act like her.
Anyway, I'm definitely keeping my distance. I mean, she has boyfriend, and his brothers hooked but not me!
Oh and something else just hit me. Is it possible that she upset and getting nervously excited because boyfriend is away, so now she has no one to use? Yes that's a possibility, though I don't know how that could happen really. I mean, I'm missing him too but hey, life moves on doesn't it? And another thing, why is it, if it happened, that she felt she had to drive herself to the ER if she was in such dire straits that they felt they had to jump start her heart? It seems to me that if you're that bad, then you would've been pretty bad off on the way, or even before you left. And why couldn't or wouldn't boyfriends brothers take you? Or why didn't you call 911 for the ambulance?
So many questions and they don't add up.

Munchausen syndrome. It could either be that she made it up for the pity-attention and caring, but some do actually go as far as making themselves sick in order to create the crisis situation to gain the attention. Even if she went to the ER, it's quite odd to have gone to the ER that many times in that short of a period without ending up seeing a normal GP doc or other type to find out why this many ER visits needed to happen.

What is obvious though with her statement for you to keep checking on her is that she does have an unhealthy need to have this kind of attention. don't get drawn into it anymore it will only enable her more.

she's not your mother and not even your mother in law. you're not married into her family, where even so you wouldn't necessarily be the responsible one for her care and checkups, but how much less as the GIRLFRIEND of her son? Yeah.. protect yourself.

*side note* as you mentioned her son, is her "go to" guy. seems he's been enabling her for years anyway. my question to you is, are you sure you want to be involved in a family dynamic like this anyway? I'm sure he's an alright guy but it's just something to consider.

Well, with momma and I, I finally had enough of her controlling, manipulative, narcissistic ways!! So finally, just couldn't take her any longer, and knowing it really wasn't me to deal with it this long, I blew up!!! What I said I will not repeat here, though it's certainly not criminal or anything remotely close. But suffice it to say that if she didn't know I'm not her son, well she knows now!!!! For sure! I called her, identified myself (I know I really didn't have to ID myself but did that to insure she would have absolutely no mistake in who I was), and proceeded to put her butt on fire!
Now of course this would, might have, an impact on him and I. I considered that but figured that my sanity was more important than him and I. Maybe, no evidently, he took her stuff. But not me! I didn't have to, but with my temperament I doubt I would have if I was in the family.
I'm sure she called and told him what I said. I don't know. He did text me with "what a terrible thing to say." Yet I dont really think it was about what I said to momma because right beneath thes terrible thing words, he said "it isn't true." And for me to pray to God to help me with my thoughts. So that might have been about something else I said to him via text.But I'm not even gonna worry about it. Whatever he was referring to I let it drop because I said a couple of things as I saw things. It's up to him to be more specific, not for me to try and figure out.
My girlfriend though is of the mind that now that I stood up to her, something he hasn't done, with momma trying to make him choose between us, maybe now he'll get off that tight rope he's been walking on. I don't know.
But one thing I do know and it is this: no one, absolutely no one will treat me less than I expect!!!! Not even the mother of a significant other. She knows now that, while I'm not trying to brag on myself, the fact remains that I am a force to be dealt with...especially when you think you got my back up against the wall!!!!!!
I haven't always been this way. Growing up I took a whole of stuff from people, including those in my own family. It would make me succumb to tears and depression you wouldn't, couldnt imagine. While some people might have low self-esteem, my self esteem was the lowest on the totem pole. It took a couple of suicide attempts, therapy with medication to put me where I am today. Oh don't get me wrong now. Im still not where I want to be, and honestly? I strongly doubt I ever will be where I want to be. But I'm trying, really trying. With a very fine, adept therapist, and medication I'm progressing. Slowly. Yeah I have setbacks. As a matter of fact, just this week I did. I totally went off on him!! I liken it to a volcano! I didn't go to therapy today because, as I told my laison lady who called yesterday, "I don't see the point." So I didnt. My laison lady called today, we talked, then she said she's going to call me every day to check on me. I said to myself "oh brother." Lol. But it's good. It really is. My therapist called too, left a message and though I didnt call her back, Im almost sure my laison lady did. Sooo, I will continue my therapy.

Why do you have a role in your boyfriend's mother's life? It doesn't make much sense why you're the one aggravated when your boyfriend should be aggravated.

It's way too much drama. I really don't see a need to argue with 92-year olds. You don't have to see or talk to her at all if it's causing so much drama. Not worth it.

Oh, literary and divine, it's done! For sure.
You see I'm of the mind, whether right or wrong, that we should try and be good to people. Just the way we were raised. This was one reason I have depression and suicide attempts. Wait. Im not saying that being good to people in itself causes suicide attempts and depression. Of course not. Yet, It was like no matter how hard I tried, I was always the one left holding the bag.
So that is, now was, why I dealt with momma, called her, checked up on her. But she returned that by giving me her butt to kiss. No more!
I took that old, shiveled up butt, and laid fire to it!!!!!!!! Burnt it up...alive!!
Like I said....it's done!!!!! There was no argument. No need to.

She's 92 effing years old. She's not all there. She's not some mother in law godzilla, her mind is deteriorating and she can not sense or reason the way she used to. And she is your bf's mother, NOT yours. If you spent an entire lifetime kissing her behind, go ahead and belittle her in her dying days. But you have absolutely no say in the care for your boyfriend's dying mom. That is just plain cruel and awful to treat someone that way, no matter how abusive she may seem. Being an adult is sucking it up and playing nice no matter how you feel inside. That is just outrageously cruel to do to someone who is deteriorating and dying.

Just because you spent a lifetime being belittled, does not make it right to go ahead and belittle someone else in some kind of vengenance on your own poor self. THAT does not make you a good person. That makes you a horrible person.

She's not reasoning the way she used to? You kidding me right? I'm going assume you are. Because you don't know this woman. I've seen her in action. She knows exactly what she's doing!

But I appreciate your opinion and will take it as exactly that...an opinion.

How would i know of you only share one side of the story?

Good question.
I'm not sharing only one side of the story, just what I want to share. Just as I'm sure you and everyone here shares only what they want to share.
And please consider this if you would: if one person here shares literally EVERYTHING about their situation, how would there be space for the others?
Now, you might say that you're not talking about sharing literally everything in the true sense of the word everything, and that could be true, just share enough so that others will be able to understand. I think that's good. Yet, what would be the definition of "enough"? My definition may not be your definition and vice versa, barring the dictionary's version: "adequate for the want or need, sufficient for the purpose or to satisfy desire." (Dictionary.com).
So. What exactly is "enough" information for opinions to assist each other? It varies. I say then, that what we're doing is sharing information that is "enough" based on our own definition of what is sufficient, adequate. Such indicates, then, that we do not have to share all.

She lives in a different state and you never get to see her. Her son isn't even there now. You keep calling her every day and then attack her. I really don't understand the point. Even if she is evil and obnoxious. You don't ever see her so what do you care. It's not like you must see her every day. That guy isn't even calling you so why you insist on relationship with his old mother especially if you hate her? She has a family. Just stop calling her.

How do you falsely claim that I call her every day, since I've never said that? I said that I've called to check on her after her ER visits, that she has, by the way, requested.
Is it possible that you can read that part over? It would be appreciated.

I don't know the whole story, but it sounds to me like you have had a power struggle with this woman for your bf's love and attention. That's what this is all about.

She can't live much longer. She's 92! And if he heart is really getting jump started, she maybe has a few months left...weeks...days?

Now that my mom is 80 i have given her a pass. It's too late to change or even confront. Just let it go and try to find peace. You'll be doing yourself a favor.

Besides, do you want to get blamed for upsetting her and killing her? What if she has a heart attack right after you upset her? You'll have to live with that, and your bf and the whole family will blame you.

Thank you for saying you don't know the whole story. I appreciate that.
And perhaps it does SOUND like this, yet I assure you that I have not been "in a power struggle with woman for your bf's love and attention." Actually, it's been just the opposite.
But I really appreciate your first sentence.
Oh, and if something should happen to her, and if they should blame me...well I'm sure I can live with that I assure you.

And you're so right about what you said about how nobody on here is telling the whole story. I know i'm holding back. Partly because it's so sick and embarrassing and partly because i don't want it to be used against me.