Why do some friends take awhile to respond to emails?

Sometimes I have trouble with getting responses back to my emails from my friends and it bothers me. I never send more than one or maybe two emails at a time to people. I start to panic a bit when I don't hear from people that I have normally heard back from in over a week or more.

Does this ever happen to anyone else? Recently I wonder if I put a few friends off who I've only known about a year or less by telling them that we might loose our house soon. I have mostly kept things superficial and light with them most of the time. Only one of those friends know about my depression and family issues.

I didn't even tell one friend about a DUI from years ago until a few months ago and she seemed OK with it. Not to long ago this same friend has issues with a first time seizure. Because of that she can't drive for now. I offered to pick her up at her place and drop her off when we go out since we live fairly close by. The last time I met her, she didn't want to burden me to much, so she had her husband drop her off at the movies. I drove her home.

She has invited me out to a fair not to long ago. I normally hear back from her every few days, but since I mentioned that we might loose our house, I have not heard back from her which is odd. Did I make a mistake in opening up to much when she's dealing with health issues? She was taking care of her sick mom to before this happened as well.

I was told that most people don't want to hear about other peoples problems most of the time. One other friend tried to help me out, and I thanked her for listening, but I continued to talk about that and how my family isn't doing a thing to help me since they don't care about me. I should've never ever mentioned that, ugh! Since then I haven't heard from her. It hasn't been that long, but I'm starting to think that I'm being ignored since I "overshared" to much with her, idk.

Maybe these friends are OK with venting to me, but they would rather not hear about my problems that much? Is there anyway to tell when people are truly not interested in hearing about someone's problems sooner rather than later when they don't say anything about it? I'm not good at reading people usually until they start giving me the silent treatment.

I looked up information about why some people take awhile to respond to emails at times and most sites said the same thing, people will make time for you when they want to talk to you. When they don't, they won't. It's possible that they've been really busy lately, but their sudden change in behavior is a bit odd. I feel like I'm being ignored.

Am I just worrying to much, or is it possible that I scared them off by needing them much more than they need me? Honestly, I think it's a bit cold to ignore someone after they tell you that they might loose their house soon. It's not like I just met these people. Like I said, I knew all three women for a year at least, so this baffles me a bit.

I'm sorry you're going through this. A lot of people don't use email much any more since texting came along. Try not to worry if someone doesn't respond right away.

Friends can sometimes not know how to respond or deal with the kind of problems that you mentioned sharing. It's not that they don't care or are ignoring you, they just honestly don't know what to say.

Try texting and maybe try keeping it light so they know you're not only going to talk about this heavy stuff.

Seesaw

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Thanks. Actually, they don't text much as far as I know. So this makes things weirder. I did hear back from one friend, but she only responded to my invite to a movie and said nothing about what's going on.

I rarely burden people with heavy stuff anymore as I finally realized that most people don't care about other people's problems that much. Even if it's something they can relate to. I guess most people are selfish that way, or at least the ones that I meet. They can go on and on about their issues at times, but as soon as I start complaining about something, they tend to disappear.

The next time they go on and on about something they need to vent about, I'll just ignore them and see how they like it. I'm so done with being to nice!

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That's a possibility, but not trying to at least offer I'm so sorry to hear that at the very least seems pretty cold hearted and selfish to me. I guess that I'll say nothing to them the next time they bring up something unpleasant. There's no use in being a therapist to people who could care less about your problems.

Oh, and like I said, they don't really text me, they like to email me instead. They only text when they need to tell me that they're some place that we agreed to meet at.

I tend to agree with you. I do however think that lots of times people just don't know what to say or how to respond when friends or family are really having a tough time so they do what they can to avoid the conversation.

Without going into details, I can tell you that I've seen two situations where a person was either facing death or had lost a child, and those around them for the most part acted as though nothing happened. I don't think the people meant to be unkind, rather I think they didn't have a clue how to respond without the situations overwhelming them.

And most people have enough going on in their own lives that they just don't have time to get involved others' lives unless it's a close family member. Try not to take offense.

I'm sorry it bothers you. Well sometimes it's because email just takes longer. Maybe some of the websites are slower and in emails you put more than just a text does. I hope you feel better about it soon

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I get what you're telling me, but still, that is rude and cold IMHO. If I knew that someone was facing death or happened to loose a child recently, I'd say something to try to comfort them at the very least even if they weren't that close to me.

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Yeah, maybe that's the case. Honestly, I'm on the verge on giving up on one so called friend as she seems to only contact me when she needs to vent. As for the others, since they are more like activity friends, I'll keep them as that, activity friends.

I won't make the mistake of telling them my problems again as they obviously don't feel comfortable hearing about them. I'll just listen to them talk every now and then in person, but I sure won't be asking them questions in person or emails about their issues should they ever share anything with me again. Why bother when they can't do the same for me? It's only fair.

Unless I basically ask for a response I don't expect one. As for those sent to me, I may not have the time to immediately sit down and fire off a response. Sometimes too I need to think on my answer for a while or even rehearse in my head the words I will use. I also tend to look at emails as correspondence of a more professional nature. Again, however, I do not expect immediate responses or replies at all unless I have expressly indicated one is required.

When it comes to texts, neither do I expect an immediate reply. Certainly don't expect one from me.

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I realize that some people are busy and don't like to respond to emails or texts right away. Not even I respond to people right away sometimes. However, to flat out ignore something personal is just plain rude IMHO.

One friend accepted my invite to a movie, but she flat out ignored me regarding the house! I don't expect much, but a sorry to hear that would be nice! It'd be like hearing that a friend has cancer and you flat out ignore it since they didn't ask for a response. Does that make any sense? People shouldn't have to ask for support or comfort IMHO from friends.

Some people have no feelings it seems like! There are way to many selfish people out there who don't seem to care about anything that doesn't affect them in some way for sure!

Thankfully one friend did care and offer advice although I asked for none. I'll try to keep things to myself a lot more from now on knowing that most people would rather not deal with other people's problems most of the time. They don't even want to listen to problems much less help.

For me I don't normally email except one person: a friend, and then we go back and forth. Most of my online communication are on forums, and texts.

I guess we differ, because in that cancer example you gave, that would warrant a response in person or by phone. Email, just isn't the place for that. It's rude. If it's important enough to get a reply it's important enough to use the phone.

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Well, I'm going to see this friend of mine real soon. Tomorrow actually. I invited her to a movie. I highly doubt that she'll even mention the house at all. I find this incredibly hurtful, selfish, and rude of her to do. I'll say nothing though as sadly I have a hell of a time making friends. If that weren't the case, I'd dump her right away.

I'll only keep her as an activity friend and NEVER EVER tell her anything personal as she obviously doesn't care to hear about anything unpleasant. I have listened to her talk about her sick mom and her health issues and she can't even care enough to say sorry to hear that? WTF? Just WTF? This pisses me off.

She didn't even bother to text or call me. One friend did try to offer advice and support me through email, so the point about not discussing things over email isn't valid. This other friend would mostly email me and I'd much rather hear a sorry to hear that from a friend even though they don't know what else to do or say rather than to be flat out ignored.

How would YOU feel if a so called friend ignored you after you brought up bad news to them?

Well to be honest I see no evidence in anything you've done or they've done that would imply that your reasoning has any weight. What I mean is you're asking questions like you did something wrong. What is wrong is that you're assuming that you are causing people to not want to talk to you and without any more detail on what your relationship is like with any of these people it's kind of hard to make any kind of analysis as to why they haven't responded.

there are a number of reasons that can be going on that would have nothing to do with what you've said, you needing them too much or anything like that. I would have to ask, how long has it been? Based on typical emailing is it a lot longer? If they are types of people that don't use email constantly, that's just that, they dont' email as often and that also is not a reflection on anything you are doing wrong.

What was the email about? How long has it been?

Finally, have you asked why they haven't responded?

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Thanks. I guess that they just don't really email that much maybe. They've been having some issues lately, most of them, so now I know why they took longer than usual to respond.

I guess that I do worry about stuff to much. I can't really ask them why they didn't respond as that'd me look to needy and I'm trying to not seem to needy to other people these days.

Do they work? I don't always have time to reply to emails. I work two jobs. Call them if it's urgent

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Yeah, two of them do work f/t. Two don't. Even the two that don't are busy with other things at times. I wish that I was able to relax and not worry so much, ugh!

I think you need to get busy too so you don't worry about them emailing or not.

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Actually, that wouldn't work as I'd still be wondering what's going on if I didn't hear from them in over a week. I'd call them, but I'm not much of a phone person, and I feel like I'd be bugging them.

Hardly anyone I know answers their phones most of the time anyways, and a lot of people tend to take forever to text back from my experience. It's ironic to how it's so easy to get in touch with people these days, but it's not at the same time if that makes any sense.

I don't know why it wouldn't work. I think if you were more busy you'd be too tired or too preoccupied to worry about emails. Too much idle time often makes people worry about random stuff. I get so many work emails to deal with all day that I wouldn't notice who didn't email me. If you don't work maybe you can volunteer or take up hobbies

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All I can say is that when you've had mostly negative experiences with people most of your life, and have had lots of problems with bad friends and people, that it tends to mess with your head a bit.

I think we all have bad experiences and it effects us. I am just saying that if you focus on something else you wouldn't worry as much. Also if there is a pattern if dealing with bad people then maybe it's wise too explore why you attract such people and try to break this pattern. Maybe become more selective. Just an idea

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Yeah, maybe you're right. I finally called that free mental health place that's not to far from where I live. There is a class tomorrow from 1-2p.m for anxiety and depression.

The sucky thing is that it's not private. I'll be in a group, ugh! Just what I need when I'm already anxious! Maybe I'm a little to naive, open,, and trusting and I need to be more guarded from now on, idk.

I'm also going to speak up right away when someone disrespects me or treats me badly in anyway instead of brushing it off or ignoring the problem until later and then end up lashing out at them.

I hope this place can help me.