Husband threatend to break my computer last night...

Things were going fine for awhile between us until last night. Some of you know that he can be a verbally and emotionally abusive jerk at times. Anyways, last night I was on my laptop and he came in the room and made fun of how messy my hair looked. He pointed and laughed at me like a dumb 12 year old boy. He likes to do this to me often.

I usually tell him to shut up and go away. He usually tells me that he's going to take a pic of me and laugh even more. I was not in the mood for his lame jokes last night and yelled at him to stop and that he's being stupid and annoying.

He then got really angry at me. He yelled at me and asked me WTF is wrong with me, and then he threatened to break the computer. WTH? I did nothing but stare at him like he's nuts.

I took my laptop and purse as well as my phone and hid it in the guestroom then and waited for him to fall asleep. What an ***! He is super stressed about finances now, but that gives him NO right to threaten me like that! That's the first time that he's threatened to break anything of mine! In the past he'd throw things around and once he took my phone away after I got scared and called the cops on him.

I'll text him later to let him know that's NOT OK! I doubt that it'll do any good though as he's NEVER wrong, not ever! And he NEVER apologizes for anything! Ugh!

Tomorrow I'm finally going to a free mental health center not to far from where I live. Hopefully they'll be able to help me. Why would he do this to me over something so stupid?

I was drinking some beer too and he hates it when I drink which is super lame as I don't always drink, and it's not like I'm driving anywhere or falling down drunk. WTH? He's such an ***! I'd leave him if I ever came into lots of money, but I can't make it on my own financially for now, so I'm stuck. I have no one to turn to, nowhere to go, no savings, so don't tell me to pack up and leave. If it were only that easy.

Is there anyway that I can get him to see how wrong and out of line he was and is it possible to prevent this from happening again other than not saying anything the next time he's being stupid and annoying?

I'm sorry your in this situation And yes he sounds like a complete *** He definitely has NO right to treat you this way.
Maybe if you feel comfortable enough you could tell him your feelings... but I don't know how that will go He sounds pretty heartless. I also recommend talking to a professional about this for sure... like you said your going to the health clinic which sounds like a good idea
Sadly there might be nothing you can do to change him... it may just be who he is.
And sometimes although it may be hard... you have to be the bigger person and forgive...
I'm sorry

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Thanks. Yeah, he was way out of line! I texted him awhile ago and told him how I felt and that I'm going to that place tomorrow. I also told him that I hope that I'm lucky enough to get a night job to avoid being around him as much as I can!

He has done this before, but this is the first time that he's threatened to break anything of mine! I'll have to hide everything of value now just to be safe! He has lost it! He has only been this violent and crazy one or two times with people who were bullying other people where he lived growing up.

He is not like this with his friends, family, or anyone else that I know. Maybe he has some problem that neither of us are aware of. I hate him at times, and sadly he'll probably never change. I told him to never speak to me like that again and how dare he threaten me. The next time I'll be ready. I'll secretly record him. I can't show it as evidence in court if he's not aware of it, but I can show it to other people so they can see that I'm not lying.

I asked him how would he like it if I broke his phone.

Shy, I'm going to post up a few links on the subject of emotional abuse. It's not for me to say this is what is happening but you can read through yourself and see if it sounds familiar:

Signs of Emotional Abuse | World of Psychology

Emotional Abuse « Center For Relationship Abuse Awareness

I know you've posted a few times about his behaviour, and I also know it's not easy to deal with. Take your time, think long and hard about how you want your life to be in the future and what you need to do (or not) to reach that place.

Take care.

I'm many ways you're being abusive to each other.

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Thanks for the links. I already know what emotional and verbal abuse is as I looked up a lot of stuff on here. I've read books on it too. I just don't get why he's only mean to me. He doesn't treat his friends or family this way, so I don't get why he acts psycho and controlling with me at times. It's so weird!

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Wait, how am I being abusive? What did I do? You're wrong about that IMHO. I'm far from perfect, but I don't yell at him when I'm upset about something and I have never threatened him or made him feel like his life was in danger. Also, I never took his phone or threatened to break his stuff ever.

Just making a statement based on numerous threads you have made over time.

You both push each other's buttons. He stresses about money and yet your not working, unless I missed something.

You both say " shut up" to each other. Why is one considered abuse but not the other ?

Your bit about leaving him but you can't financially ? Then make that a priority , earning money so you can get out and you can go support yourself and he won't be there to make remarks about xyz.

I hope you're mental health center is helpful for you.

He might be resentful about you drinking and not working. It doesn't excuse his behavior of course . But if my husband didn't work and drank bear sitting home while we had financial troubles, I'd kick him to the curb. But he doesn't have to be nasty to you

You can go to a shelter and they will help you to get on your feet, get a job and place to live. Ask for help in mental health place if they can help you to move out.

Good luck

I call it 'kick the dog'. You are the one for him to take things out on. He has a stressful day then comes home and kicks the dog. You are the dog in this case.

You're making yourself dependent on him by not working, drinking, etc... He's treating you with disrespect, but enjoying feeling superior to somebody that he can 'kick'.

I have the same dynamic going on, but at a psychological, emotional, passive-aggressive level. Yours is obvious with verbal abuse flying.

Sorry you are struggling.

Maybe he wanted to spend some time with you, but you were giving ur attention to the laptop. Just a thought.

No plans on going to work? Ask the clinic ppl about SSI.

Good luck,

moogs

I understand couples who stay together for financial reasons when kids are involved, as it's not fair to force children to live in poverty (this doesn't include situations when physical abuse is present and leaving isn't always safe). But when there are no kids, I'd separate from people who don't add something positive to my life.

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Well, I'm not trying to aggravate him or push his buttons on purpose. I have already applied for two jobs a few days ago. I'm applying for more work soon. I'm busy now.

As for telling him to shut up, he can be relentless. It's hard to stay calm when someone is yelling at you and refusing to listen to what you have to say.

I didn't go to that therapy place yet since the weather was bad yesterday. I will next week if it's not raining.

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Nah, he was just being immature and wanted attention maybe. I wasn't in the mood for his nonsense like I said. If he wanted to spend time with me, then he should let me know that and not resort to acting like a big baby to get it.

I'm hoping to hear back from a few places that I applied to. I'm going to apply for more seasonal work and hope that I can get a f/t permanent job. Wish me luck!

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Well, in my case, I need him as I can't make it on my own for now. I have nowhere to go. I can't stay with family as they're nuts, and I have no friends who'll help me.

I tried applying for a few jobs and I'll save up some money when I do get one. I'll also prepare an emergency overnight kit to put in my car, hide my purse and phone as he did take away my phone once.

I'll also start going to this free therapy place next week. He's not always this bad, but when he gets like this, omg, he's pretty scary! I'm hoping to get a night job to avoid him more. He refuses to get help for his anger problem.

You can't go to therapy if it's raining? Maybe I read it wrong.

I don't know what you mean by having no where to go. Where all other singles go? Not everyone is married. And most single adults don't live with family. Your situation will never change unless you change it

You've been waiting how long to get MH help and you blow it off on account of bad weather?


Did I read that right?


And if I did, please tell me it was flooding, or there was a hurricane or any other disaster that makes it LITERALLY impossible to leave the house.


Because if not...

Makes me question where your priorities really lie and also gives me some more insight.


Looks like you are complacent in your misery, the financial and emotional strain of a separation does not appeal to your comfort loving nature. Same goes for a job. You will always choose what is comfortable, until your desperation overrides your need for comfort. And it may never.


Not to toot my own horn or anything, but do you have any idea how many times I've gotten soaked getting to and from therapy in the past 2 years?


Why? Because it is a priority, I made a commitment to myself and therapy is part of that commitment.

I figured I could be warm and dry after therapy, and I'm sure many other folks here on PC have made similar commitments.


It's so hard to get into the MH system willingly, and to blow it off, idk.

Just seems irresponsible.


But that's only my opinion, you're not obligated to take any of it to heart.

Don't drive? Afraid to drive in wind or rain?
Take taxi?

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I said that I'll go soon. I know that it sounds like I'm blowing it off. I really don't have anywhere to go. Where am I going to stay with no money for now and no friends or family to go to when the shelters are always full? That might change soon as I might get a job soon. I'll start another thread about it in a sec.

[quote=Trippin2.0;5326803]You've been waiting how long to get MH help and you blow it off on account of bad weather?


Did I read that right?


And if I did, please tell me it was flooding, or there was a hurricane or any other disaster that makes it LITERALLY impossible to leave the house.


Because if not...

Makes me question where your priorities really lie and also gives me some more insight.


Looks like you are complacent in your misery, the financial and emotional strain of a separation does not appeal to your comfort loving nature. Same goes for a job. You will always choose what is comfortable, until your desperation overrides your need for comfort. And it may never.


Not to toot my own horn or anything, but do you have any idea how many times I've gotten soaked getting to and from therapy in the past 2 years?


Why? Because it is a priority, I made a commitment to myself and therapy is part of that commitment.

I figured I could be warm and dry after therapy, and I'm sure many other folks here on PC have made similar commitments.


It's so hard to get into the MH system willingly, and to blow it off, idk.

Just seems irresponsible.

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I hear what you're saying, and I shouldn't have not gone. I will soon. Also, I am trying to do what I can to get a job. I'm going to a job interview this week. It's a group one unfortunately.

Hopefully I'll get hired for it. I need the money. I have no idea if it'll be seasonal or not. Hopefully it'll be permanent. It's for a place that I like. I have put things off for too long. I'm changing that now. And no, I'm not OK with being miserable. I'm content usually, and yes, I do like my comfort.

My situation is not ideal, but it's not the worst either, so I need to deal with it for now as best as I can. I have very limited options for now.