I Need to Convince My Mother to Euthanize Our Old Dog

So, my family has this frail old dog, "Sparky". She can barely see or hear anymore, doesn't have any teeth left, has failing bladder/sphincter control, and recently (last 2-3 months) her hips have gone so she can hardly stand up or walk/run.

What she CAN do, however, is cause huge amounts of stress for my family-- in particular, my already-over-worked mother. Sparky needs specially prepared meals because she can't eat regular dog food, has frequent accidents, and what's worse is that she's constantly whining and barking. Her bark is very loud, shrill and ear-splitting. Used to be that she would only bark during the day for a specific reason (because she's hungry or needs to go out) but lately she's started barking at random, sometimes even at night.

And when she barks, my mother drops whatever she's doing to tend to her-- and not for love of Sparky but to "keep the peace" because Sparky's barking gets on everyone's nerves and often provokes my dad's hot temper. There are times where my mother will skip dinner to sit with Sparky to keep her quiet, and she loses sleep tending to the dog at all hours of the night as if she were a baby. A few nights ago I saw her dragging Sparky across the yard on a rug because the poor old girl refused to get up, and my mom has a bit of a bad back so I'm sure this aggrevated her aches. She's talked about getting the materials to build some sort of sling for moving Sparky, which is a horrible idea. My dad has wrist problems so he can't really lift anything, and my brother and I aren't home often enough to move the dog every time she needs to go inside or out, so that would just mean more work for my mother.

Now, even if Sparky didn't cause such a strain on my mother's well being, I'd still say that it's time to euthanize her because she's clearly suffering. But here's the thing: when I suggest (gently) that we should take the poor dog to the Vet's to be put to sleep, my mother accuses me of being cruel! She insists that Sparky is still responsive and "enjoying life," and that it's not a big deal for her to take care of Sparky. But I see the toll that it's taking on my mom's mental health, even if she claims otherwise, and I know that Sparky's death would take a huge weight off her shoulders. I love the dog, but her continuing existence has a very unhealthy control over my mom, and a lot of family arguments break out over what to do about her (generally mom v. one of us suggesting euthanasia). Even if Sparky weren't suffering, I'd still want to get rid of her at this point. It's not right for an animal to do this to my mom or my family.

Anyway, I don't know what to do. As I've said, when I broach the subject, my mom becomes highly defensive. She also says that since I'm not home half the time, it's not really even my problem. But even with her health as poor as it is now, I think Sparky has at least another year in her (she has plenty of energy still left for barking, after all), and I just don't want to see my mother straining over this dog any longer.

Hey Radio - maybe there are other things your Mom can try - like medications for the dog. I too have an older dog and she takes arthritis medicine (Previcox) for her hips and a medication (Anipryl) for her doggie dementia (that is probably why your Mom's dog is is barking and whining - it is a symptom of doggie dementia - canine cognitive dysfunction). Yes my older dog is a bit more work but I would find living with someone with a "hot" tamper even more work. I take care of my older dog as I would take care of an older beloved relative - it is a labor of love and is merely a repayment of all the years of unconditional love she has given to me. All in all, you might gently encourage your Mom to at least talk to the vet to see if there are medications that can help with the dog.

Thanks for the suggestion, I'll bring that up. We're already giving her glucosamene(sp?) and some other suppliments for her joints but I hadn't realized there was a medicine for canine dementia. How much does that cost, if you don't mind me asking?

The only thing is that my parents might not be able to afford new medicines for Sparky, or else wouldn't budget for it. I feel disrespectful saying this, but they're kind of cheap. I've suggested taking the dog to the Vet's just for a check up to see if there's any identifiable, specific problem bothering her, but my mom's reply is just that "all the Vet will suggest is euthanasia and then we've got an office visit bill to pay."

And I understand the "labor of love" thing, but that's just another reason why I hate seeing the dog still alive, because it's NOT a labor of love in this case. I wouldn't say that Sparky was ever neglected by any means, but my parents more or less ignored her throughout her life. It's not like she's the constant companion who sleeps at the foot of their bed. Even now, my mom doesn't really pay attention to her unless it's to keep her quiet or clean her up. I think she's simply become a fixation-- and I'm sure my parents' relationship problems are probably at or near the root of this, but that's a whole 'nother can of worms...

The Anipryl seems on the expensive side from the vet but you can buy it on-line at places like 1-800-petmeds for fairly inexpensively - or talk to the vet about the cost. When I ordered Previcox thru 1-800-petmeds one time my vet knocked his cost to me down to what 1-800-petmeds was charging. I figured the dog issue with your Mom was something to do with your parents relationship but see if, for the dogs sake, you can get her to talk to the vet about meds. Emphasize to your Mom that she is the one who makes any decision - not the vet and she can make clear she is just there to talk about medication. The supplement that you are giving the dog may not be enough if her hips and arthritis are bad. When I started the Previcox for my girl it was like I had my young dog back. Even if your parents cannot afford expensive medication, vets these days are even prescribing asprin (dose has to be low - like a baby asprin) for dogs to help with pain. Only way to know is to get you Mom to take him to the vet. The other thing I can say is I have many friends who are not "animal people" and they often "suggest" my life could be easier without my girl. It makes me nuts and angry when they say that and I do not find it helpful - having a little bit of support and understanding is what makes my life easier. So maybe with your Mom - instead of arguing with her just try and do what you can to help her or at least let her know you are trying to understand her position and work from there. Offer to go to the vet with her. Good luck.

Thanks Pita, I appreciate your input. I'll try to talk to my mom about this soon.

Pita has some good advice for you. Medication could really make a huge improvement.

May I ask how old the dog is and what breed?

I foster labs (and other dogs too), but they are very prone to hip problems. This leash works wonders and it is not hard on the person walking the dog. You dont pick up the dog you just alleviate some of the weight on the back legs. I have used it for dog recovering from surgery and senior dogs as well. My young neice has no problems using it so I'm sure it wouldn't be to hard on your parents.

http://www.seniorpetsupplies.com/pro...ash-93-36.html

I don't think it is appropriate to tell your mom to put the dog to sleep. Your mom afterall is taking care of the dog. She will know when the dog is ready to go, and she will know when she is ready to let go. She is not ready to let go right now (and it doesn't sound like the dog is either). Senior dogs are harder to take care of but they can still bring a lot of joy and love to their owners.

If I couldn't get my mother to euthanize the dog, I guess I'd think about ways I could support her and take over some of the care of the dog? It sounds like you're a very caring person, worried about your mother's mental health. Can you feed or clean up after the dog some so your mother doesn't have to?

I had to put my service dog of 15 years down in January. I know the heart-wrenching it causes to do this. What helped me was the advice of the veterinarian. When she said she just put her own dog down and he wasn't as bad as mine, that let me know that I was making the dog suffer just because I couldn't handle (or didn't want to) the loss of him. I still sob often over 'my' loss.

Maybe if you can convince your mom to take the dog to the vet for advice (medication or whatever) it will help?

She might be identifying with the "oldness" of the dog and herself and needs to know there's a big difference between aging parents and dogs.