Sometimes I hate myself

If anybody cares...

I know I've done the right thing by a friend, but I'm hating myself for it and I'm hating myself for caring so much!! In a way, my heart is breaking. But on the other hand, I'm glad to be rid of the problem.

(((((((((SeptemberMorn)))))))

sending kind gentle hugs

((((((((((((((septembermorn)))))))))))))))))))

sweetie of course we care, I'm sure your decdision was the right one. You have such good advise here, don't doubt yourself and don't hate yourself, we do what's best for ourselves sometimes to ease our burden. It's so easy to feel guilty when we really shouldn't be.

Love you, jinnyann xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

((((((((((((((((( Tomi ))))))))))))))))))

I am sure you made the best decision you could. Hugs and hugs.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Dee}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Thank you, Hon. I sure need them today.

What I did was right. It was a hell of a lot better than the way he was treated over this last weekend. The help he needs is way beyond what I can do for him. HE needs to get away from this neighborhood to keep from getting hurt in many ways; not so much physically, but emotionally and mentally. I just can't deal with his problems emotionally. He calls me "Mom" and he calls me "Angel". I sure don't feel like an angel, but I guess the "Mom" part got to me... because I have an extremely nurturing instinct. Gets me in trouble sometimes... like now.

I'm sure gonna miss him!! I hate that I care so much!!

Ahhhh Sept!

I know you would have really thought through your choices and made your decision based on the great knowledge and experience you have. Sometimes the best love is tough love. These things always have a way of working themselves out....be patient.....he'll see.

(((((((((( SEPT )))))))))))

Luv ABT

((( Tomi )))
Try not to feel bad about a right decision. I know it's hard when you feel so much for someone to make decisions like you had to. But I'm sure you made the right decision. Just remember that it's for his best interest. You did the right thing. You're such a caring and loving person.

dont doubt your judgement call sept, you did what you had to do, what felt right, for both of you, and knowing you has i do, i know you made the right call even if it has made you feel like this, dont beat yourself up over this to much.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ABT}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thanks for your faith in me! Can't help but feel that, bottom line, I did what was best for me and not him. At any rate, he knows that he can have a ticket out of town if he decides that's what he needs.

sending lots and lots of care...

AHHH! It's the caring part that gets me into trouble every time...

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jenn}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thanks, Mellors!

Ya'll seem to have more faith in me than I have in myself at the moment.

OOOPS! Somehow I missed a couple of responses.

{{{{{{{{{{{{FuzzyOne}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Wants2}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I really do appreciate your hugs and understanding.

I'm pretty sure you also did what was best for him, too. Second guessing isn't allowed, is it?

Yes, I did what was best for him. I know that now. He just came by to tell me that the Rescue Mission had accepted him, gave him a bed and put him on a program "working for them." Don't know how that works... or why he dropped off his bags here. When I saw him, I thought he had been thrown out by the friend he went to see yesterday. He said the man in the car was a "councelor" for the Rescue Mission. Strange looking councelor, but I have to go by what he said.

He was so jacked up and so proud of himself! I'm convinced that all he needs is someone to have a little faith in him; just a little caring! Yet, my heart is breaking again. I'm emotional, crying, yet glad that he's not going to be coming here for all his needs.

For little or nothing, I'd go to his mother's house and read her the riot act. What kind of a mother is she??? What kind of a family did she raise that none of her other 7 kids can offer this man any support of any kind??? SHAME ON THEM!!!

And then there's this little voice in my heart that says "Why ME????" ...or would that voice be in my head? I don't know! If only I could understand my own self better! Why does it have to hurt to care? Am I way off base here and should I be rejoicing, instead? Why can't I deal with my emotions about this? AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

It sounds like you are doing the best you can which is a good deal more than his blood relations, and that he is grateful. Peace and blessings for what you have done to help this soul.

He's on his own journey through life; you wouldn't want to deny him a personal triumph over adversity, would you? Yes, I think rejoice. Love does not equal enabling.

Hope I can soon find a state of Peace about this.

{{{{{{{{{{{{Wants2}}}}}}}}}}}}} Thank you.

You're so right, Cheri! I just hope he wants a triumph for himself as bad as I do... and as bad as he needs a real one!

I so agree with you that love doesn't = enabling!

Tomi,

I have learned over the years that the most important thing in life is to care for myself (yes, that sounds selfish). I am the only one that knows my internal workings, thoughts, & all about me. Taking care of those parts of me & making sure that I am healthy with myself (emotionally & physically) only then can I care for others. If I am worrying about everyone else & how everyone else is going to feel & how am I going to hurt them......that is for them to worry about....even if they don't want to.....that is not our job in life. Each person needs to to that for themselves & look out for their own issues & whether they choose to be hurt by someone else or not. Some people aren't able to do that....they are emotional children...never having developed that part of themselves, but we can't correct that & if we continually reinforce the lack of that behavior, they we truely are doing NOTHING for them.

It is tough to make those decisions....especially when we are caring people, but when it gets in the way, & when we start feeling the impact of a relationship....we have to take care of ourselves first.

When you take care of yourself, you shouldn't hate yourself for that....or beat yourself up over not enabling a person like that. They need to fix themselves before anything else can happen.

You did the right thing.....don't back down or let down your guard....people like that will continually come back as long as they know they have an easy way to go with you.

Debbie

Thanks, {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Debbie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I know you're right. I do need to take care of me first. It's not easy thinking of me when I have such a strong nurturing instinct, ya know? Guess it's an internal battle that I'll always have. Gee, I hope not! LOL

Tomi, the hardest thing in our emotional world is letting go, you once told me to take care of me first, I listened and have found contentment, sure I still freak when one of the folks here needs more of me than I can give, you too my friend have a habit of giving more, breathe, relax, and watch him grow, know in your heart you got him steered in the right direction
Love
Alumni of the Old Broads Society
Angie