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#1
Nov 16, 2016, 12:08 PM
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I was on one of the dating sites, I am a member of and this guy messages me, he's 39, him and I have a lot in common, so we exchange numbers, and he texts me, and I respond, sending him a photo of myself, of how I was looking right then and there, light in my room wasn't that great, but I wanted to prove to him I was real and not catfishing him or anything. I then sent him some other photos of myself I had taken a few hours earlier during the day time. I told him my name was Natalie.
    When it came down to his response to my photos he had said this "That's not you. Is your real name Nate or something? Is this a joke?" He had then said " I may be a jerk at times but I'm not a dirt bag so you don't have to prove anything. Those pics aren't the same person. And if I'm gonna have to be a jerk please don't make me feel like an asshole. Sorry I wasted your time." Hearing this from a 39 year old man hurt, I thought maybe as old as he was he would be mature and respectful but nope. As far as me and my looks and my photos, I don't know what to do, but every time I talk to someone new, the guy always has to go and say how I look like a man. I just want it to stop but it keeps happening. I really don't know what to do here. 
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 Anonymous41403, Anonymous50284, Anonymous59125, xRavenx
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#2
Nov 16, 2016, 01:13 PM
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(((stole)))
Sorry you continue to struggle. He's 39 and single for a reason - being a dirt bag and a jerk is probably part of it. Of your photos, I really like the one at the bottom of you holding the camera. I would schedule a salon visit and get a full makeover - new hairstyle, pluck and wax, mani, pedi, facial, massage - so that you are feeling confident. Then have a friend take at least a dozen high quality SLR photos, diff lighting and outfits and some candid and some poses. I did this back when I was single with great results. I really hope you find some quality guys to date soon. moogs
__________________
Current Status: Stable/High Functioning/Clean and Sober Dx: Bipolar 2, GAD Current Meds: Prozac 30mg, Lamictal 150mg, Latuda 40mg, Wellbutrin 150 XL Previous meds I can share experiences from: AAPs - Risperdal, Abilify, Seroquel SSRIs - Lexapro, Paxil, Zoloft Mood Stabilizers - Tegretol, Depakote, Neurontin Other - Buspar, Xanax Add me as a friend and we can chat 
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 xRavenx
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#3
Nov 16, 2016, 03:18 PM
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I am NOT doing a make over thing. I don't have the money or time for that. And don't want that. People should accept me for who I am, with make up or without make up.
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| Anonymous59125
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#4
Nov 16, 2016, 04:40 PM
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Quote:
Quote:
Natalie, You found a jerk on a dating site. As a recovering jerk, I would tell you if I thought you looked like a dude. You don't look like a dude. You look really cute in the last image with the better lighting and the animated smile. My business is highly image-intensive; if you must send an image to a prospective date, send the best you can take. Please don't let a jerk on an internet dating site shake your self-esteem. Warmest regards, Lefty the Salesman |
| Bill3, fairydustgirl, xRavenx
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#5
Nov 16, 2016, 06:43 PM
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In the upper photos there are shadows in the photo which makes it appear you have facial hair. In the third picture I'm drawn to your smile. It's nice but could be improved upon even more. I know dental work is expensive but I think it would greatly benefit your self esteem and responses to consider a little work on the 2 front teeth. The last photo which appears to be s more candid shot seems your best. On your face I would keep the makeup natural. Some guys will be attracted to you some will not. Some will say some rude things and some won't. The ones who won't are the only ones worth meeting so you can consider them effectively screened. 39 year olds are'nt really old. Some men are hardly different than teenagers well into their 80's. Some women like myself still play with dolls in their 40's (expensive dolls but dolls none the less)
I'm sorry you were treated so bad. Next time use direct lighting on your face. From a lamp or preferably natural lighting. The 3rd photo is a bit more flattering and with less shadowing. Maybe a selfie stick would help so you can get pics of your girly figure. |
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#6
Nov 16, 2016, 06:46 PM
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What a toolbox. Here's something you don't have to worry about though, and that's that there are people out there who will find you beautiful and like you for who you are on the outside as well as the inside. I'm sorry that people can be so hurtful! You are lovely and you deserve someone who will treat you as such.
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#7
Nov 16, 2016, 06:59 PM
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Yes. He's a jerk.
Why would you share unflattering pics with a new potential date though? I'm careful with guys I haven't met yet that I only share my most flattering pics, because that's all they have to judge on at that point in time. When they get to know me, they won't care what I look like on my day off when I'm putzing around the house. You are not ugly. Yes, you do have some masculine features, I'm not going to lie, but you need to embrace them. You could be a total sex bomb if you used your features to your benefit. I think Moogs idea of a complete make over and restyle would very much help you. And the candid shot in the end of you, you look beautiful, because you are happy and smiling like you mean it. We all meet jerks online, don't let it get you down. Seesaw
__________________
 What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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#8
Nov 16, 2016, 08:01 PM
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Yeah thanks for the words.
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#9
Nov 16, 2016, 08:50 PM
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Not sure how he'd say that since you're wearing the exact same glasses in every pic.
Maybe he needs to borrow your glasses :/ He's an idiot. |
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#10
Nov 16, 2016, 10:01 PM
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I had a conversation with a 52 year old man just a couple of days ago that went south very quickly. some guys are jerks no matter how old they are, they don't get better with age apparently. seems they just get better at reeling you in with the nice words and get you talking before they show their real colors.
I think you are a nice looking woman, I agree the first few pictures you used were not flattering, I personally HATE to take selfies, I look horrible in them most of the time...angles, phone too close to my face, lighting is bad...if I take them outside my eyes are nearly shut because of the sun, inside at night too many shadows from the indoor lights. It's tough! Perhaps get a buddy to help take some informal shots similar to your last one? Much easier to get a nice smile with someone else interacting with you too. Don't let the jerks wear you down, there are SO many of them on these sites...why do you suppose some of them are single or divorced? I wouldn't have wanted my EX on a bet and I feel for the woman who gets involved with him. It seems a lot of folks have met good guys online, hopefully you and I will also. I wish you the best! |
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#11
Nov 17, 2016, 08:36 AM
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I'm glad you were able to see what a jerk he was before getting attached to him. I've heard so many bad things about dating sites.
I'm not photogenic at all, and sending shots of myself for others to view and judge would be very difficult for me to do. You are a brave woman. May you find a mate who cares genuinely for your heart as much or more than your physical attributes. |
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#12
Nov 17, 2016, 08:16 PM
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I think you are beautiful, but I would nix the first photo above. I think it makes you look like you have facial hair.
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#13
Nov 17, 2016, 09:55 PM
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Quote:
__________________
What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
| hermitix
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#14
Nov 17, 2016, 10:46 PM
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Look I cut that guy out of my life, and I am going to move on from this moment, and find someone else, hopefully they will be better, who knows, only time will tell for sure.
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#15
Nov 18, 2016, 01:41 AM
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Hi Stolemyheart
You're going to meet a lot of jerks online, honestly. I did a lot of online dating, and it was brutal. It doesn't matter what pictures you give them, or how beautifuly you are, there will always be those who won't find you good enough. And, there will be those who will think you're amazing! Focus on the ones who find you amazing. They will be out there. You might not meet them online. Do things that you love to do, and be open to meeting people through those activities. Do you have any hobbies? |
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#16
Nov 18, 2016, 06:27 AM
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In most all of your photos, you appear to have facial hair. It looks like 5 o'clock shadow, like the mustache and beard is beginning to grow after a morning shave. But I looked really closely at the photos, enlarging them, and I don't see any actual hair. So, I don't know why your face looks like you have a shadow of facial hair like a man.
Have you tried waxing your face? Wearing base make up? The first two photos look a lot like you have manly facial hair. The third photo does not, maybe just a little. The fourth photo, from far, is attractive. You look pretty.
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
| dtrain0802
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#17
Nov 18, 2016, 07:03 AM
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You got some sincere heart felt and sympathetic advice. If you reject or ignore it expecting different results and responses is unrealistic. If your approach isn't working, try something different.
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#18
Nov 18, 2016, 07:24 AM
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Quote:
First and foremost, I'm sorry to hear you're not being treated very well by so many guys. Rejection like that blows. Second, I understand and appreciate wanting to keep it simple, not having the money or time, and finding somebody who accepts you for who you are but the reality of the matter - based on what you've shared - is what you're currently doing isn't working. I found the makeover idea to be a really good suggestion and your refusal - one that struck me as a little OVERLY OBSTINATE for somebody who is looking for advice on how to change the current narrative in which she finds herself - is suspect. It makes me wonder if there are any other reasons - aside from cost and time - you so quickly shot down the idea. The fact of the matter is you have one good picture and three REALLY, REALLY UNFLATTERING ones. Which one is your main picture? Is it safe to assume it's the last one? |
| hermitix
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#19
Nov 18, 2016, 07:41 AM
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Quote:
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#20
Nov 18, 2016, 07:57 AM
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The last photo of you is quite pretty!
You've said that you do some photography at concerts. But your photography skills in regards to selfies are..... Not effective. It's the angles. And the lighting. I said it last time too. You're taking pictures from too low which accents your jaw. You don't need a make over. You just need some awareness of angles and lighting. And some practice smiling.... Your natural smile is lovely! But your selfies look extremely uncomfortable.
__________________
"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..." "I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am. |
| dtrain0802
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#21
Nov 18, 2016, 08:14 AM
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Hey stole,
Taking a little time to feel more confident is important. I am really sorry you continue to struggle. Taking more time to follow the really good advice you get getting here will pay off for you in a new romance, which is one of life's biggest rewards. If you are short on time, please help us understand what occupies your time. If you are doing activities in a social setting, this might be a better way to get dates and romantic prospects. We're really rooting for you and hoping that you are receptive to honest feedback and are really seeking advice and input, rather that just sympathy and listening. Good luck! moogs
__________________
Current Status: Stable/High Functioning/Clean and Sober Dx: Bipolar 2, GAD Current Meds: Prozac 30mg, Lamictal 150mg, Latuda 40mg, Wellbutrin 150 XL Previous meds I can share experiences from: AAPs - Risperdal, Abilify, Seroquel SSRIs - Lexapro, Paxil, Zoloft Mood Stabilizers - Tegretol, Depakote, Neurontin Other - Buspar, Xanax Add me as a friend and we can chat
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| dtrain0802, lizardlady, xRavenx
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#22
Nov 18, 2016, 10:26 AM
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But more specifically there are going to be a lot of jerk-like guys out there and it takes a few of them to get through to find the decent men. I'm sorry you had this happen |
| lizardlady
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#23
Nov 18, 2016, 06:13 PM
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I am sorry you are struggling. I am not sure what you mean by not having time for make over. You don't work. What occupies your days? Every day?
I don't know if you need make over but you'd benefit from improvements in your photo taking skills. Wrong angle and wrong light. On one pic you look like you have tons of facial hair yet you don't. Ask someone else to take your pics for you. Right light and angles will help |
| Anonymous59125
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#24
Nov 20, 2016, 06:51 PM
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here's something for some perspective..I just had a 26 year old contact me to ask if I ever wanted to watch my sons masturbate (not in those words) and if so which one would I like better. then told me his mom used to show him her breasts so he had something to look at while he masturbated. he lied about his age to get on my list on the site, or so he says. and what makes that even sadder? I once talked a to guy about that age here on pc a few years ago and had the same conversation! a new adventure every day!
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| Anonymous59125, xRavenx
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#25
Nov 20, 2016, 06:52 PM
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Wow, fairydusygirl, that is just messed up...um...some boys sound like they are in need of some counseling.
__________________
What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
| Anonymous59125
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| fairydustgirl, xRavenx, ~Christina
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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