One More Guy is Back and Not Sure What he Wants

Saying "I like you but I'm too busy" is one of the most common ways people say they're not interested when they don't want to hurt your feelings. Sometimes people text here and there with no intention of ever dating you because it's an ego boost and it makes them feel good to know people out there like them-- but they aren't actually interested in dating you. You're just an ego boost when they're bored. I don't want to sound harsh, but it sounds like you aren't picking up what he's putting down. This guy just isn't interested. If someone is interested, you won't have to chase them. Trust me. I took down my online profile in August because I'm working 80 hours a week and have no time to date. Ive said no to everyone who has approached me in the last few months. Then, just this week, I randomly met someone I clicked with. I really have zero free time but I like her so much I'm going to make time to get to know her. She didn't have to chase me or beg me or wait around for me to be less busy. I like her so I WANT to make time with her, even if it's difficult. That's what it should be like when two people are interested in each other.

Ok let's assume he truly is too busy, then what do you accomplish by chasing him? You are trying to convince him to be less busy? It doesn't matter if he isn't dating you due to being busy or due to lack of interest. You can't make people date you.

No interest on his part. For some reason you aren't getting what we're saying. He's merely bored. That's why he talks to you randomly. It's only when he's bored. If he were interested, he wouldn't be so sporadic about it. You really do need to move on, and not lower yourself to his level. He only wants to talk when HE gets the urge. And like others said, he's probably only interested in sex, if even that.

Then find all of you get your way and I will find someone else.

Aw, SMH, it's not about us getting our way. You come on here and want dating advice. We can only give you the advice that we think.

There are lots of fish in the sea, and some of them are downright nasty. We are just trying to help you see the difference between a nasty fish and a good one.

We are on your side, here.

It certainly isn't "our" way. We can only advice what we think is right. It's not our way but rather how things are. You can continue pursue this guy but you yourself said: he isn't interested in dating

No I said he was interested in dating and does like me. But he is busy with work, extremely busy he hasn't had the time to ask me out on a proper date. The first we tried it didn't work out. So whenever he is not TOO BUSY he will ask me out. And if he never asks me out oh well it was not meant to be. I am NOT waiting around for him to ask me out, I am looking for other guys and seeing who I can go out with. I am tired of these guys playing these games with me. I want a man that knows what he wants and wants me.

Didn't you just say on the other thread that this guy isn't into dating at all? The one that never wants to have sex, even if gets married? Or was it a different guy?

They aren't playing games though. Why would they? They just aren't interested

I think that the best response when a guy says he can't date you, for whatever reason, is "Thanks for letting me know."

I am talking about 2 guys, one is 1 month guy that I dated back in September. And the other guy I talked too recently but I we cut ties because it was not going to work.

UPDATE:

I went ahead and messaged the 1 month guy and told him this

ME: "I want you to be honest with me right now, do we pan to date ever again or not, I want a serious answer right now, so we aren't wasting each other's time wondering and waiting around. So whats your answer, please be honest and tell me here and now."

HIM: "I want to date you. But I'll be in Houston with my brother for the next few weeks. Please talk to me while I'm gone. I've been stupid busy lately. I'm sorry I've been neglecting you. I do like you. I want to see you again."

ME: "I do feel neglected and if your going to be off visiting family, focus on them, I don't want to come in the middle of that. I am just tired of these games all of these guys. including you, keep playing with me. And I don't know what to do anymore."

HIM: "No games. Just a ridiculously busy life. I'm sorry I don't have much time. It's not how I want to live."

ME: "As the saying goes, when a man likes you, even the busy-est man will make time for the female he likes, no poor excuses, or weather conditions or this or that will get in their way if they truly like the person and want to date them and be with them etc."

HIM: "OK."

So now what should I do?

You need to leave him alone. You said even during that one month that you were "dating" he didn't want to see you and you were arguing with him forcing him to see you. Now fast forward he still doesn't want to see you. It doesn't matter what he says. You should judge by people's actions, not words. Please stop chasing people.

You are extremely demanding. I would would run away.

Don't be rude and demanding with this guy, or you will chase him away. Sounds like he's being honest with you. He has his life to live and is busy. You AREN'T dating yet. You AREN'T a couple yet, so demanding his focus and insulting him buy accusing him of playing games is a real potential turn off. Chill a bit and let him get through the holidays and this time with his brother. You don't have rights over him at this point; don't act like you do.

He might be busy but they attempted to date in the spring and he wouldn't see her there either. He doesn't seem interested. He might really be busy or might be not. But I would not sit around waiting anymore

1. Say "Thanks for letting me know" and continue to investigate other guys.

2. Your comment that guys find time if they are interested was highly invalidating. In short, you called him a liar and let him know that you would be high maintenance to date. My suggestion is to become more accepting and validating of people that you want to spend time with.

Oh boy... your messages were really unflattering. Lots of red flag warnings to a guy. You're on the verge of turning him off you.

I am surprised you would have said something like that even after the advice people here gave you. It makes me wonder what you would have said without that advice. Hard to believe you could have been more unhinged/rude. Which probably means you don't have the patience and discipline to follow advice or to do what you know is best.

Then again, being reserved and composed is something I find attractive. Maybe others are different.

From a game-theory perspective, you venting your frustration/lack of success with other males at him, that is extremely counter-productive. You basically suggested to him that maybe it is best to do what all those other guys did. You told him all other guys ran away, and he now may know why. They can't all be wrong? Right?

You guys don't my point of view though, since him and I have been talking on and off since the week of Thanksgiving time, its been chats like this one I posted above and the other one's before it too.

This is how a week will play out, its Monday, I will see him logged on Facebook, and be waiting for him to message me, he never does, then I decide to leave him alone, so then the whole week goes by and he never messages me at all. So I figured okay he must be busy with work or something else in his life.

I wait and let him do the chasing but he doesn't make any moves, showing me interest, so then I do the chasing and that weekend I will message him "hey whats up? How are you? Hope your well, and hope we can hang out sometime."

I will send him a simple message like that and I figure he would reply back but again I get pushed away and never get a response. IF I do get a reply he will reply with a smiley face of a kissy face or a smiley face of a GIANT smile.

He won't turn around and say "Oh I am well, let's hang out tomorrow, I sure do want to see you, I will be there at 12PM".

No way does that happen so I end up waiting, and waiting, and waiting for him and he hardly talks to me, even when I attempt to talk to him he doesn't talk to me.

Look at this. This is what someone told me, when they knew they liked someone.
"If someone is interested, you won't have to chase them. I really have zero free time but I like her so much I'm going to make time to get to know her. She didn't have to chase me or beg me or wait around for me to be less busy. I like her so I WANT to make time with her, even if it's difficult. That's what it should be like when two people are interested in each other."

Again you are NOT seeing my point, with all these guys I have simple conversations with them and then they are the one's that just stop talking, and never reply to the message, or they expect me to do the chasing and I do, and they still don't reply to the message.

So what is your point that you think we are missing?

Everything seems 100% clear; the guys are not interested in you so they are not chasing you or replying to you. They are making excuses like they are busy or sending the occasional text just to be polite. But they are NOT INTERESTED.

Do you disagree? Do you still somehow think they are interested in you, despite ignoring you and not wanting to see you? I'm really confused about what you believe and what point you think everyone is missing.

I think it's very simple. They don't expect you to chase them. They just aren't interested. That's why they don't want to talk or respond or meet. It's simple. Most people have limited free time due to other obligations so they pick and choose who to talk to. Heck even if they have plenty of free time they still aren't obligated to talk if they aren't interested.

You can't expect everyone to talk and date you because you are interested. It's not possible.

There is no point to miss. It's just common sense

Oh well alright then, well I will just see who else is out there and what happens from it. Someone will come along I know it.

I'm on a dating site. I wait for the men to initiate contact. I'm pretty picky too. I want someone who is intelligent, funny, kind and compassionate. Stable life. But I'm not that focused on it. I have my family, my son, friends and my own issues and interests that I focus on.

You're so focused on it. Ppl have given you great advice on adding things into your life to focus on. I think if finding a man is your goal in life, men can sense that.

I had a man that seems like my type and we were messaging on the site. Then it was late so we went to bed. I haven't heard back from him. I'm ok with it. I don't get that invested. I might message him in a couple days but if I don't hear back from him, he's obviously not interested.

My advise, look for other ways to meet men. Look at enriching your own life. Don't make meeting a man your main goal.

I'm hopefully going to be driving again by summer. I'm planning on doing some activism. As well as taking classes. I plan on meeting ppl that way. Maybe I'll meet a man, maybe I won't. Maybe look into going to college...

I agree with Rose. I understand you want to find somebody, but when you focus too much on dating without using your time and energy to do other things with your life in the meantime, others do sense that. Also, most people who date want to see that you have a life outside of them, other interests, and that you are your own person with other goals.

It's also unhealthy to constantly seek the validation of others (i.e. these guys you are talking to) and to invest too much in someone early on. You may find it's much more fulfilling to just go with the flow and not worry too much about guys you are meeting. Basically, shift your focus on to new things, rather than just people. It will benefit you and also your chances of finding the right match and a healthy relationship in the future.