Need someone to talk to..

I haven't posted on here for a while, but those of you that know me, know my past. I won't bore everyone that doesn't with the details (not sure if you can view my past posts) but my narcissistic ex recently messaged me out of the blue to say he was looking through some old photos on his laptop and same across ones from our holiday. He said it made him smile and thanked me for everything. And that he hopes 2017 is treating me well. This was at 2am and when I got the message in the morning I didn't respond. He's text me a few times over the last 6 months and I've just ignored them all. It takes a lot of strength to do that.

It's been about 2 years since we split up and I know you'll all be thinking why the hell do I still care?? Well I often ask myself the same question, but I think it's mostly because I've never found love since and I know I'll remain on my own. I've never had much luck in love and I feel like I'm always the girl that guys use when they are having problems with their wife or girlfriend. They've lied to me about their other half to get attention (as they know I wouldn't go near if they were married or attached) and then when things are better or I want more they drop me like a hot brick. I've been on loads of dates from dating sites, but once again they all lie and it's a never ending pattern. I'm tired of never being good enough for anyone and just something to pass the time.

After my ex sent me that message, I stupidly looked at his profile picture and that lead me to looking on his Facebook. It was full on photos of them together and comments like what a great 2017 it will be because they are getting married this year. I am literally dreading their wedding day. People always used to tell me he was no good and will never commit, so I felt sure this wouldn't last, but it really looks like he's happy and maybe it wasn't him all along and me that's the problem.

I don't wish him an unhappy life, but after everything he's done (cheating on me, drink driving, the list goes on) I don't see how he gets the happy ever after and I get left with depression and wanting to end my life.

You don't know he will be happy ever after though. It's important that you work on yourself and the things that made you vulnerable to getting caught in his trap to begin with. You are probably an nice person and are vulnerable to this kind of individual who depends on that for "their" own narcissistic feed. He did the drinking and driving and cheating because he is "selfish" and only thinks about what "he" needs. He will probably do the same to his next partner too, feel sorry for her.

You deserve to work on your depression and feeling so low you have bad thoughts. This is a common challenge for those who were swept off their feet by a narcissist who at one time made them feel they were so important and appreciated only to drop them for selfish reasons that have nothing to do with their true value as a person.

One past memory could throw us into deep sadness and depression. I suggest to forget him, and move on. He hurt you, and probably blocking him from contacting you and from all social media is a good idea. Facebook shows a tiny good slice of the reality. You feel this way now and I understand that. We find it hard to imagine ourselves in better situations when we are sad or depressed. But in the future, and in retrospect, probably you will say you were wrong.

Thank you so much. It made me cry to read that because I am a good and kind person, but I feel like this depression is a punishment for something I must have done, although I don't know what. I feel that God or some higher being doesn't think I deserve to be happy in love. I get so lonely and I'm so scared of ending up alone. I'm generally good with my own company, but there's a limit and I get so down when I see all my friends getting married and starting their lives with someone and I realise there must be something really wrong with me. I have friends who suffer with depression and their partners/husband/wife doesn't walk out on them, so what makes me so unloveable?? People have said I'm attractive and I've never had a problem attracting people, it's just getting them to stick around. People tell me it's confidence, but I am confident when I first meet people, it's when I'm with them a while that I guess they start to see I'm not confident deep down, but how can people expect me to be confident when all I get is rejection??

Hi Only Human. This exact situation happened to me. An ex of mine that I was head over heels for wound up marrying the girl he cheated on me with. It's very painful, I know, so my heart goes out to you. They also had 2 kids together. Really rough to hear even years later. Eventually they wound up divorced and through the grapevine I've heard he has since been through 2 more marriages. So as Open Eyes said, you can't know that your ex will live happily ever after. He most likely still has the same problems now as he did previously. And we all know too well that people on Facebook mostly reveal the positive aspects of living, not the negative.

2 years isn't really all that long for getting over heartbreak. It will slowly keep getting better. Be gentle with yourself and try not to compare yourself to him. You do deserve love and happiness too.

Hey all,

It is admirable that you are able to admit your true feelings. I think I've just bottled mine up inside and carried them, often times, on my sleeves.
I found myself asking God what have I done in life thatbis so horrific that I don't deserve happiness with a mate. I've had a successful career, great children, nice house, nice home, but love? Why must I endure this wonderful milestones alone.
I walked away after 6 years. Thought I had my strength. He controlled what I wore, who I could have as friends, my church affiliations, etc.
So when I walked away I felt empowered. But after a year, he returned and I accepted with open arms because of 'distorted' view of love. 4 months later, dropped like a hot potato. Hahaha - laugh with me because it still hurts.
Now I wonder if the only problem I have really had is the ability to love myself more - & more than I love a man.

I can't see your outer beauty but from your post, I see a beautiful soul who cares. Let's hold one another accountable to ourselves and love us more than what we choose to settle for. Let a man rise up to our ideal of a good man instead of lowering our standards.

My life isn't all that great right now, but I guarantee you that I could make my life look quite envious to everyone on Facebook should I so desire.

I sort of doubt that he is going to live happily ever after.

If he's a narcissist, its all about him getting what he wants at the cost of everyone else.

If anything, say a little prayer for the new woman in his life. She may not have a clue what's going on. In my experience, its easy to be blindsided by someone who has mental issues if you've never experienced that particular mental issue before. So if the new woman has never experienced a narcissist, she may not even know what she's dealing with. I've known women who were married to narcissists for decades. They don't come out unscathed.

Or its possible that she has low standards and puts up with all of his crap. (I sort of doubt that he's changed.)

I think you are awesome just the way you are.

I think its good to look back on past relationships and see where they went wrong.

Were you able to see red flags from the beginning? Or maybe if its hard for you to see red flags, this would be a good exercise to work through with a therapist.

But, I do feel you----I know how hard it is to meet people online, and I know how so many of them are just liars. It makes me want to think that all men are liars, but I know this is far from the truth. I think that the internet attracts liars because the internet allows people to hide behind a screen and if you only see them every so often, its easy to keep up the charade.

I think your ex is being quite cruel to you AND to his fiance.

I mean he's supposedly soooo happy and getting married....yet he's still trying to talk to you? This doesn't paint a picture of someone who is going to live happily ever after. (Again, feel bad for his current partner.)

I think its good that you got away from him. And remember, he's not going to live happily ever after.

I know it hurts like heck, but does it help at all to try and shift your mindframe?

I just got out of a situation (long story) with someone, and I didn't know about his mental illness history.....but I've known him for 6 years. Yes, 6 years. He knew about my mental health issues from day one. He's still in denial about how bad his issues are. I urged him to go get help. And while I am still in a lot of pain right now, I pray for the next woman who crosses paths with him, because I don't think he'd disclose his diagnosis to her either. And she's going to need a lot of strength in order to handle him.

I think you are seeing this experience in the wrong light (((Only_Human))) and that actually is one of the problems experienced by others that share what you experienced. The "problem" is not with you, it's not even that you are not "worthy" and you are certainly "not" being punished by God. The true one with the "problem" is this X that did not really appreciate you and was simply too self absorbed to appreciate you or actually anyone in a loyal and caring and HEALTHY way. The reason you are struggling so much is because YOU are kind, appreciative and loyal. You need to really understand your qualities and work on your own self esteem and learn how to recognize the signs these "toxic" individuals give off that can hurt others.

Too often, life sucks and is unfair. During those times try not to seclude. Seek help and from your loyal friends and family. Try not to dwell on thoughts of "him." Exercise, get rest and recuperate.

Thank you so so much for everyone that has taken the time to reply. It means so much as I feel so alone right now. My family and friends find my depression hard to deal with and never really know what to say anymore and so i get extremely low. I live very close to my parents and see them a lot (partly due to the fact that they look after my dog in the daytime and have their own) I used to be so close to my parents and do a lot with them, but these days they are more distant with me and they say that they are out of their depth when I get very low. I know it's sad to rely so much on your parents when you are a grown woman but it's hard to know where to turn when you are so lonely

I'm available to listen too.