Relationship built on a weak foundation

So I've been seeing this girl for awhile now and I've noticed that a lot of our relationship has a lot negatives in it. When my girl and I are together I I don't think about my college stress, work stress, family stress, etc... I just think about her and I. But with her she constantly is venting about her family drama, how sick of college she is, her ****** roommate, her financial situation. I try to be comforting and will listen all the time. But I don't feel like a boyfriend. I feel more like a therapist or mentor to her and I don't like it.

I love this girl greatly, but I'm so tired about hearing nothing but the negatives in her life. I've asked her not to constantly talk about her problems. But she ends up saying that she has nothing to say because I told her not to talk about her worries. She seems to think that when I ask her not to vent 24/7 is me saying I don't want her to vent at all.

She's been dealt a crap hand in life. She was bullied severely in high school which she ended up in a mental hospital for that. She has bipolar 2, depression, OCD, and anxiety. Her sister is a narcissist and her brother is a juvenile delinquent. So her parents put them before her. They will even hang up on her to talk to them. She doesn't drive so she has to rely on others to get her places. She doesn't work because of her disability. Finally she has a horrid roommate who needs to have his face rearranged.

I have thought about ending our relationship, but I cannot deny myself the feelings I have for her when I'm with her and thinking of her. Im also scarred for her if I did end it. I'm also unsure whether I'm mentally capable of continuing a relationship with her.

Is she seeing a Therapist? If not she really should. Yes partners should help each other but not to the degree that is going on in you're relationship.

How long have you been together? Usually there's a great " honeymoon" phase, did you two have that ?

I have Bipolar I . I see a therapist and I don't expect my husband to be my therapist 24/7. He's there when I need him, I don't allow Bipolar to take over my relationship.

Doesn't sound like a weak foundation TBH, but does sound like you two have an unhealthy dynamic going on.

I tanked my relationship some years back, due to the same dynamic, I also mistook my BF for a therapist, but neither of us were wise enough to see where it was leading. (We got back together tho, and implemented some healthier boundaries)

My point is, you know this is bad for romance (and your sanity) and you're trying to avoid any fall out, which is excellent!

Problem is you cant force her to play ball.

She needs to understand that its not a personal attack, its relationship preservation.

When life is messed up, its really special to have someone who has your back, but its kinda pointless if you're breaking theirs...

How would she respond to the idea of therapy?

Or journaling, blogging?

That way the therapist or the journal gets the movie and you only need to be present for the trailer...

I'm really sorry its been a bumpy ride, I hope she's willing to see reason and help you bring your relationship to a healthier level...

She's in therapy, but she doesn't have any outlets for stress. I've tried helping her but alas haven't found anything. Trying to get her to join this forum for it helped me immensely when I was at my lowest.

She sees a therapist. We've been together for almost five months now.

Now is when you're starting to see the negatives about a person.

Unfortunately, its not enough to like or love someone. That's not enough "glue" to keep a relationship together.

Her negativity will indeed take you lower and lower. If all she does is vent about her problems to you, and says that without venting she has nothing to say to you.....is it a stretch to say you two have nothing in common? Because if you two had things in common then she would indeed have other things to talk about.

I had to break up with someone who had something negative to say each and every time I opened my mouth. I couldn't handle the constant negativity and had to break up with him.

I would encourage her to seek out more therapy.

It may hurt her, but I think it would be a good idea to be truthful and tell her that you cannot handle constant negativity.

Unfortunately she may not be in a good place right now to be in a relationship.

Hugs.

I understand your concerns for her and its reassuring to hear that you are also still thinking about yourself and your own well-being. It's easy to get swallowed up in somebody else's problems that you lose yourself.then your no use to anyone.
I am sorry she isn't able to see you as more than a sounding board just now.

So we talked, I told her that I feel more like a therapist than her boyfriend. I went on to tell her we need to work on our relationship.

Her response was that I'm not her therapist, I'm her boyfriend. Then she said that she will try to change her habits.

I'm not the type of person to just give up easily on a relationship when the first problem comes around. So I'll see how this spans out.

I'm trying to stop my mind from over thinking our relationship and causing me to jump the gun. But I can definitely look back and understand why my mind was sending so many intrusive, dark thoughts about us.

P.S.
We do have stuff in common; we both love the outdoors, we both like to make stuff, we love animals, we are brutally honest, we are like minded, we're both introverted, etc... so we do have stuff in common. It's just that her negativity has obscured it.

I think its a really good sign that she's willing to change!

I think it would be a good idea for you two to focus on the things that you have in common. Maybe let her know that you are there to support her, but you can't handle only talking about her problems all of the time, and you want to focus on doing things together, enjoying each others company, discussing things that interest you both, etc.

Good luck!

PS You're a lot stronger than I am. I'm out the door at the first sign of a problem, but usually I'm the one who IS the problem, so yeah...

There are "caustic" people and relationships...

So I'm going to see my girl tomorrow and I can tell that she is real worried about us. Honestly I am as well, I don't know why but something is telling me that she won't be able to change. It could be truth or most likely my OCD and depression

Can you give her a chance to change? I mean don't necessarily expect change all at once. (It drives me nuts when I'm in the process of changing and people expect me to be completely different in that aspect all of a sudden.)

I mean she might need some guidance. If she starts to complain, could you gently ask her to talk about something else? Its ok for you to tell her that you can't handle certain topics.

Could you try boundary setting with her? Like----I can't handle it when you talk about XYZ so if you start talking about that, I will not engage in the conversation (or you will walk away for a few minutes, etc).

Of course I'm going to give her a chance to change, and I know it'll take awhile. It's just my mind being negative. I'm a pessimist by design