[damon7890]

So long story short I meet this girl at the road,I’m 22 she’s 22 basically,she was bothered by a guy almost raped I went to help her there was a party near my apartment,we quickly escalated,got her number facebook etc.

We started talking on facebook she would pm me around 11 hours a day,she was really interested in me,she was amazed by my caring personality,I consider myself an Empath,I watched my father pass away in front of me we head a car accident and we hit a tree so sometimes I care way to much and I’m kinda sensitive from nature from the past events.

She shared my music,my interests everything was just clicking so fine,it feelt like I’m living on a fairy tale world or something,It feelt like god gifted me finally someone that I can be in a serious relationship with.

So the background story of the girl is that:Her parents got really early married they probably made a mistake or something,she lives with her little brother and sister,she used to tell me she hates kids in general,it was really weird,her parents basically don’t respect her privacy,home prisoned her so she does not get pregnant,and probably was neglected emotionally by her parents all her life,they never talked with her about her problems or anything.

She studies psychology 2nd year on the University,she was amazed by my empathic traits I listened to her adviced her etc.

She was really open with me shared most of the things,in the first few convos she tended to be really sexual then tomorrow she would test the waters telling me I’m not a ***** we should not talk maybe,I told her I accept you the way you are.

She was a really deep thinker, telling me I was going to use her and ditch her,shes way to scared of starting sth serious,good things don’t last long stuff like that,i told her they will last long enough as soon as you allow them.

She would telephone me at night cry a lot about her own insecurities,telling me she feels internal pain and has no idea why she is crying about etc etc.

I saved her life around 3 times,once her cat jumped out of the window she is really close with her cat loves her and basically I was asleep and she telephoned me telling me I wanna suicide I went to her home at 5 am saved her life,the next time she gets drunk almost got raped from someone,she would do anything that gets attention from people,if offered drugs she would do it without thinking twice it was like she was living for the moment,very sexual but very caring,she would also kiss girls act like a bisexual etc.

So we went out head sex everything was great,we were almost unseperable from each other everyday,she came at our home knows my mom etc,my moms a doctor we really liked her a lot,she would cause everynight drama about a little word telling me I cant love her I will use her etc,and sometimes I even cried for that I think she was trying to gain my trust then she would tell me I’m so sorry I again overthinked she did this around 10 times in total.

At the beginning of the 5th month things started going out of hand,she started pulling off,giving me the silent treatment so called,never initiating contact first,I would pm her she would speak around an hour or two then would leave the convo in the middle run and then again the same pattern followed tomorrow.

So one day I decided to remove all the emotional validation where she told me kisess when I left the convo like she did,she freaked out started threatening me stuff like that.

After that she removed all the emotional validation,everyday the convo durations went shorter and shorter,I decided to ask her a few times what was wrong,she tells me it’s not you it’s just I don’t feel excited about anything lately,I wanna sleep but I can’t and don’t feel like talking to people,every single time I asked she would really get pissed and blame it on me,like it’s my fault,telling me you never understood me etc.

She keept doing this patern for a month no emotions around 1-2 texts daily leaving me hanging,I keept asking her again and again and all I got from her was’’It’s not true that I don’t wanna talk to you,if I ever feelt that way I would have told you,I’m just bored idk been talking to a lot of people lately don’t feel much talkative,so basically she lied again the last time she told me she does not feel like talking to anyone.

So after this one day I got really pissed and asked her’’In a long convo what was wrong expressing every emotion I head and her answer was…It’s not true that I don’t wanna talk to you,she answers the part she likes and the ones that she does not never answers them.

I told her I see you lack interest and that you don’t wanna talk the question is really simple your answering the parts you like and the ones that you don’t you don’t answer them,I’m simply asking you’’Do you feel the things you feelt before for me??
And she goes like I don’t know,can’t we just change the topic talk something normal without questions.

So she basically is alternately Stone walling me by giving me 0 answers,leaves me hanging in there,enjoys every pain that she inflicted on me,then gas lightens me with it’s not true that I don’t wanna talk to you and keeps the convos 1-2 convos daily,leaves in the middle of the convo so she can get a reaction from me and everytime I suffer she enjoys it,I think I was feeding her narcissistic supply or sth.

So I really got pissed and went on NC for about a month told her if you want to have sth with me the door is open.

She told me whatever,imagine after all thos memories she didn’t even care,I was in shock.
In the middle of the 1st month,she pms my mom tells her I love him so much,and I did not react so I don’t shift the power after around 2 weeks,she blocks my mom from facebook and does not block me,but never pms me.

So after a month and 12 days I gave up on NC I was really in pain and pmed her,she answered again half answers keeping 1-2 texts daily.

I invited her out,she told me I would Love to go out but I can’t busy with school,I then told her I really feel bad that you don’t have time for me and why do you even bother writing me anyways tried to provoke her by telling her like she initiated the first chat,and she goes like I never pmed you you did.

Then I again asked if I did sth wrong she goes like’’No you just made a false statement right there’’
Then I ask her how was your day,she leaves the message on seen and starts with the Silent Treatment again,it’s almost the 2nd month I feel really strong I don’t have that much of feelings for her anymore,I think she waited for me to react so I can feed again supplies or sth wanted me to beg and plead like I did in the old times so she can enjoy inflicting pain and feel powerful about herself.

Also note on the last few convo's i set up boundaries called her on her Lies even doe i head no idea what was wrong with her,told her your trying to convince me or manipulate me''Your saying all the right words and acting the opposite way''Which she denied them totally telling me it's not true everything that you said,and also told me to not overthink it's not good for you imagine the gurl that used to cry on the phone overthinking every little stuff,And she tried to play the victim when i called her on her lies telling me''If you don't wanna talk with me just say it''.

I’m so sorry I keept this so long it’s my first time I just want your ideas guys,what is going on in here,is she Narcissistic,did she ever loved me?,will she ever come back it’s like she does not care,I just want to take my revenge at least once from her telling her how sick she is.
Please if someone could answer this it would mean the world to me I’m sorry again for keeping it this long.

I am not seeing narcissism but I am seeing parts of other personality disorders.

In the end, it doesn't matter so much as I don't think this is a good person for you.

Why would you want her to come back when she treats you like crap?

If anything I'm guessing she perhaps has a trauma history based on her behavior. I could be wrong though, and no matter what her history, its not an excuse for treating you poorly.

You can do much better. Hugs.

[Open Eyes]

This girl is still very young and clearly immature which tends to present what you may consider narcissistic issues. It sounds like she may also be struggling with borderline personality disorder. It sounds like she doesn't know "what" she wants and is afraid of being hurt and tends to end up in situations where she has been a victim too.

It sounds like this relationship is hurting and confusing you and you are growing tired of not knowing what to expect next from her. You sound like a caring person, but you do have to make sure you don't end up having this relationship turn you into a codependent that allows her to hurt you over and over again. It really sounds like she needs professional help and you are not a professional therapist.

It sounds like you may need to just disconnect from her instead of constantly being hurt and that can be hard to do when you are a nice person and "care" about her well being.

Whatever you do in this, try not to hurt her, just let her go understanding that in doing so it allows you to continue to grow as a person yourself and find someone that can appreciate how kind hearted you are.

[AkairoNeko]

Dude , i am just like her and trust me ... She is the victim !
She is more hurt than you are , not because you've been bad to her , just because she is very fragile because of a past parenting related emtional trauma .
When the problems in your relationship appeared your honeymoon period is over. That means you got to familiar wit each other and the passion was starting to fade .

She felt then a lack of attention and love . she started feeling really bad about herself , her self esteam got really low , she started feeling that she is a drag for you and started distancing her from you thinking that she hurt the only person that could love herand that you got sick of you and that she is awfull and you will only suffer together .

Now she rejected the pain she caused herself and went on with her life and you came back to bother her again .

Give her all the love you have if you want her to get better , never judge her , try not to correct her too much , make her compliments and little from the heart presents ... be the most romantic lover that ever existed , ecourage her to get hobbies , to find new friends to hang out with and to start loving herself and you will get an amazing grlfriend .

if you can't leave her and never talk to her again in your life , she will find someone who can !

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by damon7890

So long story short I meet this girl at the road,I’m 22 she’s 22 basically,she was bothered by a guy almost raped I went to help her there was a party near my apartment,we quickly escalated,got her number facebook etc.

We started talking on facebook she would pm me around 11 hours a day,she was really interested in me,she was amazed by my caring personality,I consider myself an Empath,I watched my father pass away in front of me we head a car accident and we hit a tree so sometimes I care way to much and I’m kinda sensitive from nature from the past events.

She shared my music,my interests everything was just clicking so fine,it feelt like I’m living on a fairy tale world or something,It feelt like god gifted me finally someone that I can be in a serious relationship with.

So the background story of the girl is that:Her parents got really early married they probably made a mistake or something,she lives with her little brother and sister,she used to tell me she hates kids in general,it was really weird,her parents basically don’t respect her privacy,home prisoned her so she does not get pregnant,and probably was neglected emotionally by her parents all her life,they never talked with her about her problems or anything.

She studies psychology 2nd year on the University,she was amazed by my empathic traits I listened to her adviced her etc.

She was really open with me shared most of the things,in the first few convos she tended to be really sexual then tomorrow she would test the waters telling me I’m not a ***** we should not talk maybe,I told her I accept you the way you are.

She was a really deep thinker, telling me I was going to use her and ditch her,shes way to scared of starting sth serious,good things don’t last long stuff like that,i told her they will last long enough as soon as you allow them.

She would telephone me at night cry a lot about her own insecurities,telling me she feels internal pain and has no idea why she is crying about etc etc.

I saved her life around 3 times,once her cat jumped out of the window she is really close with her cat loves her and basically I was asleep and she telephoned me telling me I wanna suicide I went to her home at 5 am saved her life,the next time she gets drunk almost got raped from someone,she would do anything that gets attention from people,if offered drugs she would do it without thinking twice it was like she was living for the moment,very sexual but very caring,she would also kiss girls act like a bisexual etc.

So we went out head sex everything was great,we were almost unseperable from each other everyday,she came at our home knows my mom etc,my moms a doctor we really liked her a lot,she would cause everynight drama about a little word telling me I cant love her I will use her etc,and sometimes I even cried for that I think she was trying to gain my trust then she would tell me I’m so sorry I again overthinked she did this around 10 times in total.

At the beginning of the 5th month things started going out of hand,she started pulling off,giving me the silent treatment so called,never initiating contact first,I would pm her she would speak around an hour or two then would leave the convo in the middle run and then again the same pattern followed tomorrow.

So one day I decided to remove all the emotional validation where she told me kisess when I left the convo like she did,she freaked out started threatening me stuff like that.

After that she removed all the emotional validation,everyday the convo durations went shorter and shorter,I decided to ask her a few times what was wrong,she tells me it’s not you it’s just I don’t feel excited about anything lately,I wanna sleep but I can’t and don’t feel like talking to people,every single time I asked she would really get pissed and blame it on me,like it’s my fault,telling me you never understood me etc.

She keept doing this patern for a month no emotions around 1-2 texts daily leaving me hanging,I keept asking her again and again and all I got from her was’’It’s not true that I don’t wanna talk to you,if I ever feelt that way I would have told you,I’m just bored idk been talking to a lot of people lately don’t feel much talkative,so basically she lied again the last time she told me she does not feel like talking to anyone.

So after this one day I got really pissed and asked her’’In a long convo what was wrong expressing every emotion I head and her answer was…It’s not true that I don’t wanna talk to you,she answers the part she likes and the ones that she does not never answers them.

I told her I see you lack interest and that you don’t wanna talk the question is really simple your answering the parts you like and the ones that you don’t you don’t answer them,I’m simply asking you’’Do you feel the things you feelt before for me??
And she goes like I don’t know,can’t we just change the topic talk something normal without questions.

So she basically is alternately Stone walling me by giving me 0 answers,leaves me hanging in there,enjoys every pain that she inflicted on me,then gas lightens me with it’s not true that I don’t wanna talk to you and keeps the convos 1-2 convos daily,leaves in the middle of the convo so she can get a reaction from me and everytime I suffer she enjoys it,I think I was feeding her narcissistic supply or sth.

So I really got pissed and went on NC for about a month told her if you want to have sth with me the door is open.

She told me whatever,imagine after all thos memories she didn’t even care,I was in shock.
In the middle of the 1st month,she pms my mom tells her I love him so much,and I did not react so I don’t shift the power after around 2 weeks,she blocks my mom from facebook and does not block me,but never pms me.

So after a month and 12 days I gave up on NC I was really in pain and pmed her,she answered again half answers keeping 1-2 texts daily.

I invited her out,she told me I would Love to go out but I can’t busy with school,I then told her I really feel bad that you don’t have time for me and why do you even bother writing me anyways tried to provoke her by telling her like she initiated the first chat,and she goes like I never pmed you you did.

Then I again asked if I did sth wrong she goes like’’No you just made a false statement right there’’
Then I ask her how was your day,she leaves the message on seen and starts with the Silent Treatment again,it’s almost the 2nd month I feel really strong I don’t have that much of feelings for her anymore,I think she waited for me to react so I can feed again supplies or sth wanted me to beg and plead like I did in the old times so she can enjoy inflicting pain and feel powerful about herself.

Also note on the last few convo's i set up boundaries called her on her Lies even doe i head no idea what was wrong with her,told her your trying to convince me or manipulate me''Your saying all the right words and acting the opposite way''Which she denied them totally telling me it's not true everything that you said,and also told me to not overthink it's not good for you imagine the gurl that used to cry on the phone overthinking every little stuff,And she tried to play the victim when i called her on her lies telling me''If you don't wanna talk with me just say it''.

I’m so sorry I keept this so long it’s my first time I just want your ideas guys,what is going on in here,is she Narcissistic,did she ever loved me?,will she ever come back it’s like she does not care,I just want to take my revenge at least once from her telling her how sick she is.
Please if someone could answer this it would mean the world to me I’m sorry again for keeping it this long.

It sounds like a relationship gone wrong with a lot of head games. ^This is what you really want to know. The best way to find out is to communicate with her if that's possible.

[cptaptlove]

Some of us are here due to the damage others have caused so listen. If you even think this girl is a narcissistic person RUN as fast as you can. I was married to one and it will never get better. They will invent new was to emotionally tournament you. The minute you feel secure they will rip the rug out from under you. It's not worth it. I wish I knew the word narcissist 18 years ago. Get away from this person if you even remotely think that's what she is. She will empty your soul and never have one second of empathy for your pain.

[Open Eyes]

I noticed you are a new member, welcome to Psych Central. None of the members are professionals and while what you are describing sounds unhealthy, none of us are qualified to diagnose your girlfriend.

You will get different advice and responses from different members, some things may be helpful to you some things may not. Please give this site a chance, there are a lot of different members and a lot of people have found this site to be very helpful.

[Anrea]

some things you describe that she does, like not know her own emotions, so she changes personalities over time. I do/have done that. I am 51 now, so things are much better.

But when I was young, I changed who I was, thinking it was growth. But trying to be different people, in order to find myself.

She is learning herself, and experimenting. (BPD?)

She will continue to change. Mutable.

You are looking for a fixed sign, astrologically speaking. You want someone who has found themselves. For you, mutable people will seem - insincere.

Love the memory, to give her a last gift of the idea she was appreciated, but move on. Keep listening to your heart. Don't argue with it when you don't like it's answer.

<3 Peace

[damon7890]

Originally Posted by AkairoNeko

Dude , i am just like her and trust me ... She is the victim !
She is more hurt than you are , not because you've been bad to her , just because she is very fragile because of a past parenting related emtional trauma .
When the problems in your relationship appeared your honeymoon period is over. That means you got to familiar wit each other and the passion was starting to fade .

She felt then a lack of attention and love . she started feeling really bad about herself , her self esteam got really low , she started feeling that she is a drag for you and started distancing her from you thinking that she hurt the only person that could love herand that you got sick of you and that she is awfull and you will only suffer together .

Now she rejected the pain she caused herself and went on with her life and you came back to bother her again .

Give her all the love you have if you want her to get better , never judge her , try not to correct her too much , make her compliments and little from the heart presents ... be the most romantic lover that ever existed , ecourage her to get hobbies , to find new friends to hang out with and to start loving herself and you will get an amazing grlfriend .

if you can't leave her and never talk to her again in your life , she will find someone who can !

You really misunderstood me,the last 5 texts that i wrote her i expressed every emotion possible that i love her i would in a blink of an eye give my life for her and do everything for her,she did not care,She lacks empathy big time,she pulled me into a game and then she removed herself emotionally,started talking to other guys,caught her kissing guys in front of me and telling me he is my friend,i don't really know how could someone kiss a friend in his mouth in front of me and try to manipulate.

I closed my eyes everytime thought it would get better but nothing,she continued with abuse while i was left alone in the darkness suffering dying from inside she tried to suck every bit of my soul left,by stonewalling and gas lightning me never giving me a specific answer the last month,being all lovey dovey with other people in facebook,and what did i do to deserve this?

I begged proved pleaded showed her real love cared for her saved her she even called me her White Knight,and in the end i'm the worthless scum who she has no time to talk or ignores me,and talks with another 100 guys from my back,everything i said i proved to her.

What can she ask more of me?The last time i pmed her i wrote around 10 pages of texts of every bit of emotions that i gave her reminded her of the past and she did not care.

Just to get a simple answer which was I dont know,do i really deserve this abuse?

I would rip my heart out of my chest in seconds just to not go through this mental torture,how can someone be this cruel and abusive lacking empathy,gaining my trust then leaving me brain****ed.

If someone really loved me from the beggining would she have done this?I don't really think so,if someone pulls back without a reason she never loved me she just played me

[damon7890]

Originally Posted by GoldenWaves

I am not seeing narcissism but I am seeing parts of other personality disorders.

In the end, it doesn't matter so much as I don't think this is a good person for you.

Why would you want her to come back when she treats you like crap?

If anything I'm guessing she perhaps has a trauma history based on her behavior. I could be wrong though, and no matter what her history, its not an excuse for treating you poorly.

You can do much better. Hugs.

Thank you so much for tho's words i really needed someone to talk to,i don't really know she used to share everything and we talked through it,the last time she told me she was bored(heard narcissists have low toleration lvl on boredom and she was already cheating)

Your right it was really hard forgetting her it feelt like a fairy tail story,there is a saying''Your too good to be true''i guess that's right,it just feelt so heavy to be left so alone after all tho's and she did not even care she erased me in a blink of an eye and never cared of how i feelt.

While continuing with the Manipulations of hers

Actually there is a song of a rock band Dead by April it's called empathy it really fits my situation the lyrics go by:

Spit in my face
Humiliate my dignity
But I'm feeling great
To me this is normality

I try to think straight
Is this really my worth?
My heart gets in the way
And it keeps saying it doesn't hurt
Chaos!!!

Blaming myself
For the things that you call me
For the ways you act
And how sick is that?

I try to think straight
Of something else than rebirth
My heart gets in the way
And seriously it hurts!

What you're going through
It is real to you
But your mind plus your heart makes two

Look into my eyes
What do you see?
I'm someone who can show empathy
When your mind's clouded by your heart
It's not easy to see what's real n' what's not
I give you my empathy

Before you start judging
Try hard to see the person I am
I'm caring I'm humble and understanding
I ask for your empathy
To think of me as friendly
To escape this reality
I will need your empathy

What you're going through
It is real to you
But you mind plus your heart makes two

Look into my eyes
What do you see?
I'm someone who can show empathy
When your mind's clouded by your heart
It's not easy to see what's real n' what's not
I give you my empathy

My empathy
I give you my empathy!
Oh Oh Oh...

Look into my eyes
What do you see?
I'm someone who can show empathy
When your mind's clouded by your heart
It's not easy to see what's real n' what's not
I give you my empathy

My empathy
I give you my empathy!
Oh Oh Oh...

[damon7890]

Originally Posted by Anrea

some things you describe that she does, like not know her own emotions, so she changes personalities over time. I do/have done that. I am 51 now, so things are much better.

But when I was young, I changed who I was, thinking it was growth. But trying to be different people, in order to find myself.

She is learning herself, and experimenting. (BPD?)

She will continue to change. Mutable.

You are looking for a fixed sign, astrologically speaking. You want someone who has found themselves. For you, mutable people will seem - insincere.

Love the memory, to give her a last gift of the idea she was appreciated, but move on. Keep listening to your heart. Don't argue with it when you don't like it's answer.

<3 Peace

Well thank you a lot for your advice it's much appreciated,after 2 months i still feel for her,i would go back to her in the blink of an eye but the abuse cycle would start all over again.

She has attention of many people right now,she feels powerful,she wants to control people and thinks she deserves better,by being around drug abusers drinking a lot(thinking that tho's stuff will make her look cool).

I'm an educated dude i study physical therapy it's my last year,i'm wealthy who cares about all above at least''I honestly truely loved her so so much that i don't remember loving someone this much''

I don't know isn't she really not seeing that i ripped my heart for her,did everything to keep her alive,to keep being strong,i was not just a boyfriend to her but someone she can count on,i'm just scared of her new friends of hurting her that's all she is blind folded she does not know what she is doing she is flying High,but on every flying high there will be a fall down.

I endured a lot in my life started from 0 became the best student i crawled for everything,but god this pain hurts so much after all i did how can someone just forget about you in the blink of an eye.

I don't know

[damon7890]

Originally Posted by cptaptlove

Some of us are here due to the damage others have caused so listen. If you even think this girl is a narcissistic person RUN as fast as you can. I was married to one and it will never get better. They will invent new was to emotionally tournament you. The minute you feel secure they will rip the rug out from under you. It's not worth it. I wish I knew the word narcissist 18 years ago. Get away from this person if you even remotely think that's what she is. She will empty your soul and never have one second of empathy for your pain.

She tortured tormented me,and head fun laughed at it,i mean how sick can someone be it was like a game to her gaining my trust then leaving me in there in the middle of nowhere and giving me 0 emotions just to see me suffer.

The last time i called on her lies she made a statment like this''Poor you you must have feelt really awful when you watched your father melt and pass away in your eyes,at least i have my both parents i'm not alone''
I mean why would she say sth like this that's terrible and inmature i shared trusted her everything with her.

[damon7890]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

This girl is still very young and clearly immature which tends to present what you may consider narcissistic issues. It sounds like she may also be struggling with borderline personality disorder. It sounds like she doesn't know "what" she wants and is afraid of being hurt and tends to end up in situations where she has been a victim too.

It sounds like this relationship is hurting and confusing you and you are growing tired of not knowing what to expect next from her. You sound like a caring person, but you do have to make sure you don't end up having this relationship turn you into a codependent that allows her to hurt you over and over again. It really sounds like she needs professional help and you are not a professional therapist.

It sounds like you may need to just disconnect from her instead of constantly being hurt and that can be hard to do when you are a nice person and "care" about her well being.

Whatever you do in this, try not to hurt her, just let her go understanding that in doing so it allows you to continue to grow as a person yourself and find someone that can appreciate how kind hearted you are.

Sometimes it feels like just puking it all over her telling her how sick she is,but your right i need to act mature since she has problems lacks Empathy she can be a grown up gurl by her Mindset and Body but her emotional lvl is like a 5 yo kid,playing with dolls when she gets bored of it she just throws it away without even caring about the dolls feelings.

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by damon7890

Well thank you a lot for your advice it's much appreciated,after 2 months i still feel for her,i would go back to her in the blink of an eye but the abuse cycle would start all over again.

She has attention of many people right now,she feels powerful,she wants to control people and thinks she deserves better,by being around drug abusers drinking a lot(thinking that tho's stuff will make her look cool).

I'm an educated dude i study physical therapy it's my last year,i'm wealthy who cares about all above at least''I honestly truely loved her so so much that i don't remember loving someone this much''

I don't know isn't she really not seeing that i ripped my heart for her,did everything to keep her alive,to keep being strong,i was not just a boyfriend to her but someone she can count on,i'm just scared of her new friends of hurting her that's all she is blind folded she does not know what she is doing she is flying High,but on every flying high there will be a fall down.

I endured a lot in my life started from 0 became the best student i crawled for everything,but god this pain hurts so much after all i did how can someone just forget about you in the blink of an eye.

I don't know

You are young yourself, and you need to get to a point where you realize that there are people out there that simply don't care and you can't "make" them care either. You need to learn not to give your heart too soon, that is a lesson many young adults learn and yes it hurts.

Finish your education and look for someone that is more mature and more goal oriented like you are that can appreciate you.

Don't waste any more time wanting this person to feel bad either.