I feel like a big loser.....

I have this man that I am madly in love with, and he says he is in love with me. We met in April, moved in together in June, he gave me an engagement ring in July. He has been so supportive with my bipolar (I'm getting ECT) Lately he has been acting DIFFERENT. Not mean or abusive, just different. Not as loving and attentive. I dont expect that all the time, its just that this is the first man I have been with that hasnt abused me in some way. Now I am trying to figure out what is wrong with ME. I must have done something wrong, or I'm just a big loser. I have self esteem issues anyways. Nothing has really changed. My mood has been pretty stable, and I am not acting bipolar lately. But still, I must be doing something wrong. He says nothing is wrong, but I feel in my gut something is. Does anybody have any ideas? I love him so much, my heart feels like it is breaking. The funny thing is, he isnt breaking it. I just know I am doing something wrong, or something is wrong with me.......

(((kat)))

hey there kat.

Firstly I don't think you're doing anything wrong... sometimes after you move in with a guy, after the first rush wears off life becomes more.. well back to normal I guess, and since he gets to see you every day, and gets to spend a lot more time with you, that can sometimes make it feel like he's not as into you as when you weren't spending as much time together, but when you were you were completely wrapped up in each other... if that makes sense.

A similar thing happened to me this year when I moved in with my boyfriend (we'd been dating on and off for three years, and started living together in January). I had pretty low self esteem too (which is thankfully slowly improving), and I thought that I was doing something wrong since a lot of the time he seemed more interesting in his sports or his computer than me! But after talking to him and to my counsellor etc, we worked out that we both still felt the same for each other, but I didn't feel he loved me as much, and he had no idea I felt like that!

Since then, we try to have one or two special "date nights" a week where we hang out together by ourselves like we used to when we were dating, and he's also discovered (from my many hints) that randomly sending me text messages or sticking his head round the door when I'm studying just to say "I love you" makes me feel a whole lot better about the relationship.

So my advice to you would be - firstly don't blame yourself. Secondly, have a candid conversation with your fiance (congratulations by the way!) and just tell him how you feel. Emphasise that it is the way you feel ie "I don't feel as if you love me as much as you used to, even though I know that's not necessarily true" since guys can get on the defensive sometimes! also maybe speaking to a counsellor could help.

Anyway, good luck and I hope this rather long post has been helpful. Feel free to PM me

((((((((((((((((Kat))))))))))))))))

Meander's thoughts sound about right.

You guys are probably right. Plus I am bipolar and have had some crazy racing thoughts lately mixed with worrying alot and alot of anxiety. He is so patient and supportive, I just sometimes dont see that. My shrink says I need to quit blaming everything on myself etc......