[seeker1950]

I've recently written about the correspondence and impending visit from my old high school boyfriend, who is "happily married" but writes to me. Our correspondence via email has become less and less frequent from him, and I have become less fretful and less needful of hearing from him as a result.
I just wrote to him and told him of this and that, for my own emotional health, I will not see him when he comes here in late Sept. Also , that i do not need to hear from him.
I've relied too heavily on this to fill the void in my life and told him so.
Patty

[bebop]

Patty that is a huge step for you! congrats!

[seeker1950]

It's really not hard for me to make this decision now, though in the past it would have been.
Thanks,
Patty

[bebop]

I know what you mean hon.

[seeker1950]

LOL, Pat, thanks!
Love,
Patty

[Fuzzybear]

[Wants2Fly]

So glad that you feel strong in your decision. Hooray.

[eskielover]

Patty,

I am glad you came to this decision. It sounds like a very strong step to take towards defining who you are & what your feelings are....being able to express to him your real feelings about the relationship.

I am sure it feels good to come to these kind of decisions....a sense of independance to build on now for your future....kinda like the first step on the ladder of leaving the past behind & starting the life you want for yourself.

Good for you,
Debbie

[MyBestKids2]

Wow, that was a hard decision, but the right one, IMO Congratulations to you (((((Patty))))))

[seeker1950]

Thanks all of you dear friends!
Having a holiday weekend, I slept in this morning and had a long, complicated dream about him, like many of the recurring dreams I've had of him throughout my adult life. In this dream, he spent three platonic days with me visiting, before his impending wedding, all the while me hoping he would choose me instead! I hadn't had such a dream in a long time, and thought they were over. These dreams are so much like my real life experience and are unsettling.
I need to build a better life for myself with a real person or accept my solo condition.
Love,
Patty

[eskielover]

Patty,

I am thinking that a solo condition is a really wonderful place to be after 32 years of everything I've been putting up with.

Being responsible for myself....not being influenced to run my finances in the wrong way because it is the other person's choice. Not cleaning up the house only to have it messed up by the other person. Having the other person not clean up his messes because he doesn't even see them.

Not waiting for the other person to take care of something & wait until I'm blue in the face because they don't like to anything. I really like being alone & I like the strong feeling it gives me.

Being solo is a very good thing....& looking back, that was what I wanted before I ever got married. I don't know why people feel like they have to have someone to be married to?

I hope you can find where & what you want in your life....because that is when there is peace.

Debbie

[seeker1950]

Debbie! Thanks for reminding me why I like being alone!
During my entire 20 years of marriage, I was like a wild animal being tethered. Any suggestions I made were dismissed. If a male came along and suggested the same thing I had, he was all for it! Thanks for reminding me why I like my independence!
Love
Patty

you are an amazing woman.........

[50guy]

Hmmm, I've heard of this kind of stuff happening.

You obviously still care for this man but, with him being married it is a tough situation. There are always the "what ifs" that we think about and sometimes hope for.

You did what you thought was needed to do and ended it.
It was the right thing to do because it was an uncomfortable situation for you.

Why do we always want what is unavailable? Is it the thrill?
Is it the persuit? I just don't know.

I have a situation in my life that is getting dangerous. I need to put an end to it before I go too far and destroy a 35 year marriage.

my word, i'm older than dirt, is that the grass dies after you get over the fence. be it the fact that the "greener" is married, not married, whatever. messing around with someone who isn't physically OR emotionally available it just like saying, "well, i believe i'll go to hell in a handbasket today"......

i only know of one instance where it worked out. it was the gentleman, Jack Schaefer, who wrote "Shane".....and it took years and years for the children to accept what he did. we were friends and i remember his pain over hurting his children and his wife. think before you do anything that you know you shouldn't do........xoxoxo pat

[50guy]

Pat,

Lets not jump to conclusion here. I'm not about to jump the fence but,I can say that sometimes I get a little frustrated living with a depressed person that is very demanding. It dosen't help that I love her so much I wouldn't ever hurt her that way but, I have been tempted.

Opportunity has arised but, I'm too old to start over and you are right about the family. I have 6 grandkids and they are the world to me.

It is tough to be in a situation that cannot be.

[EJ711]

Considering solo place too.

Patty, you deserve better!!!!! Much better!!!!

EJ

[seeker1950]

50guy...You are in a different situation than my old flame. He really is happily married, and has a wonderful wife! I've needed to adjust my attitude for a long time now.
Patty

[seeker1950]

EJ! I remind myself that solo is good! I do have a lot of freedom.
Love
Patty