I Hate Relationships

I've come to think relationships - of any kind - are evil.

They hurt me, always.

People hurt me just for being on my mind.

I'd rather be alone and lonely than with relationships.

I hate people. yet recognize they are important to live in this world. and this makes me hate them even more.

anyone relates? or have a different opinion on this?

I can't relate, but I'm sorry you feel like this. You must have had bad experiences

It is true that many people will hurt you, I hope that maybe you'll find a select few that don't. In the end, you've got yourself over anyone else. In a way, I'm not sure if unconditional love exists, except for self love. Even though it sucks sometimes, and it hurts, at least I've still got myself. Does that make any sense lol?

Your hurt from the past is tainting the potential of being able to form deep positive and meaningful relationships in the future.

Not everyone is evil.

Not everyone is out to hurt you.

As hard as it may be right now, try keep an open mind.

I can relate

sinking, you can be happy and be alone with your friends and family, if romantic relationships aren't something that you want.

I hate to disappoint you, but people in general will always disappoint you; some are worse than others.

I can relate to not wanting to be in a romantic relationship. I haven't been in one in a few years and it's because of how the last one I was in ended so badly.

But it isn't healthy to isolate yourself and be 100% alone with no friends. That kind of loneliness comes with negative physical side effects. It is literally not physically healthy to be isolated socially, even when that isolation is mitigated by circumstances beyond your control.

I consider investing in a relationship to be a high risk high reward type thing.

You get into an intimate relationship and if it works, it can be one of the best investments in your life, yet if it doesn't work, it can also be one of the most painful experiences. The risk is even higher for those of us who have had to endure significant hardships in our lives.

Personally, I don't like taking risks, especially when said risk has the possibility to cause long term damage to my mind and health.

I pass on relationships.

I feel hurt just from having people on my mind, even when i havent seen/talked to them for years. i dont think this is normal or something i can change. is it?

It sounds like you're ruminating about your past. No, that's not healthy to do; be stuck in the past. You can change it by stop obsessing about your past, and change your focus to your present circumstances with future goals in mind. Easier said than done of course.

Its not only about the past. the same goes for present relationships as well. and not only friends or romantic relationships but family members too.
EVERYONE hurts me just for being or having been in my life....

Do what makes you happy. You create your own reality for good or bad!

I am in the same position but I would go further. I get hurt my everyone. Friends, co workers, family. So I stay away from them to the best of my ability.

1. While it is true that not everyone is evil... there is a ton of people out there who seem to feel you (or anyone) exists just to do what they want. If you do that... it becomes a one sided relationship. If you don't... they will leave. I literally cannot find anyone at all... that puts me in the driver seat. If I find anyone who comes close they usually have friends and family of their own so they don't need me.

2. The idea that you need people to exist imho is a social construct that is only good for corporations and other corporate masters. But it simply doesn't make a ton of sense. For hundreds of years there weren't a lot of people around so a LOT of people were alone. Without the internet, tv, or a way to write letters. They did fine. So this idea that you must be with someone or you will shrivel up and die only serves, Facebook, Instagram or any of the other things that thrive on the promise of good friendships. When I watch a historical drama like Pride and Prejudice you see that Lizzy had like 3 friends and lived to meet people because there weren't any around. But today there are too many around. Perhaps the best move today is just to stay way from them.

3. I realized that when I was younger I went along with the users and the tools because I assumed that some day I would find good people. But the good people I do find are busy with their families etc and are highly desired. If someone is available.. usually they will be a user. I find relationships to be horrible.

So yes.. I don't go to work events... I don't go out with people after work.. I keep my office door closed all the time... and I mostly sit at home on the weekends... AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER.

I agree with you Emily, except that i put the blame on me, not on others or society. i feel there's something wrong with me, maybe i am too sensitive. not everyone in my life have really hurt me or behaved bad with me, but i recognize i often twist things to prove i am right and every one hurt me so that my social isolation makes sense and i need nothing from no one.

I do worry that is the case with me as well, but I have objectively looked at it and I do feel like they have done things to me and, they seem to expect that I just forgive them. And not to put too fine a point on it but... I have examined it and I do think that what they did was objectively wrong. I sometimes feel like it is only the larger societal view that somehow we should compromise that makes me ever think I am in the wrong. But I am not and if it means being alone, it means being alone.

I do not agree that we "need" people. It is a good thing to have good people in your life... but, if you don't have good people in your life, than you need to boot them.

I just wish more people would do that the bad people among us would need to change.

Relationships are tough for me because I'm way too sensitive. Sometimes I put myself out there even with friends and family and sometimes I just keep to myself. I can relate.

I feel the exact same way.

I'd much rather not be in a relationship or feel the need for love. Either the person I've dated has ****ed me over or I ****ed myself over and dwell on that for years.

If I could remove emotion from my brain, I would in a heartbeat.

It's odd, I don't feel that not being in a Relationship is a handicapping. Nor do I think others find me important or that much of a threat they need to damage me in someway.
I just don't rate myself as worth the effort. It takes time and effort to hurt someone.

I did used to make myself physically sick by thinking and over thinking about conversations and situations I had been in.
It took A while for me to realise this was me and ocd that was hurting me.
Not allowing myself to move on and let it go.
It's Not that other people don't get hurt, they just were just better at letting go than me.
It took A long time to amend my coping mechanisms.

But it can be done. I still prefer my own company but not because I feel threatened by the outside world, just because I am pretty content as I am.

My T says i have OCD too, so that could probably be the reason i feel more hurt than others would in my shoes. i never thought about it until now, so thanks for naming it. it makes sense.

I have been isolated for a good while now and i have a few acquaintances and zero friends and i have to say i feel a big weight has been lifted from my shoulders. freedom.

with friends or even boyfriends around, i kind of feel both the need/duty to help them being happy (acting like their therapist and so removing me from the equation as if i didnt exist - and it hurts) and an unwanted constant comparison between me and them - and i always lose compared to others - and this hurts too.

so i feel much better alone. i still have family to deal with, but they are used to me emotionally and physically distantiating myself from them so its more manageable even if i still live with them.

Yeah, I agree that relationships can be messy at times. But not all relationships are bad. Don't lose hope.

Some relationships are messy or i always mess them up?

There are some really mean, low life people out there but open your heart to finding the diamonds in the rough. They are there. Once you find them, cherish them. I need to take my own advice because I've been hurt and bullied too. I don't trust easily. You're not alone.

Talking with my T today i think i found out why relationships are so hard for me and im destined to live alone.
My parents and CSA and other experiences taught me relationships mean possessiveness and me feeling smothered. that is the worst feeling for me when it happens in any relationship.
And i dont think i can have a relationship where it doesnt come up. so... im destined to live alone.

A key component I can give you is to cognitively repel yourself from people you're attracted to. I found out whenever I'm attracted to someone, I can develop similar feelings such as at home. Instead, you can open your mind and heart to people who are strange or indifferent to your heart. That way you can emotionally adapt yourself to various people, and not just those who are a reminder of home.

I realise I'm late to the conversation here but I can relate to this. I'm going through this at the moment. I've been stung badly the past few relationships whether it be a sudden end or just being mistreated by someone who is a narcissist and thinks it's ok to emotionally cheat on you.
Anyway this isn't about me, I just wanted to say I can relate although I don't think they are evil. For me I feel like there must be something wrong with me as there are so many people out there having beautiful caring and loving relationships and I want that but it feels so far from my grasp.
I guess don't necessarily give up on them, maybe one day you will hit lucky like so many others have done. The other thing is you're tarnishing all relationships, I can tell you now that I would not be alive today if it wasn't for my daughter. She is what keeps me waking up every morning and the relationship a parent and child have is truly beyond compare. Then there are friendships too, some can burn you but some can really be there for you when you need them to be.