Issues with daughters upcoming wedding

Good morning everyone
Please give me some feedback on how to handle this. My only child is getting married in october and you think i would be happy. Well i feel bad for saying this but i feel really anxoius about going. For one thing its out of state and i will be the only one attending from this side of the family. She is not involving me in the preperations and is handling everything on her own..stating its super easy. She is also having the wedding at her step grandparents mansion whom i have never met. She had the nerve to say that she dont want any trouble at her wedding. I told hef while she knows i dont care for her dads side this is day is about her. She said she appreciated it but then proceeded to tell me she thinks of her stepmom as a mother too. I think her dads side of the family has brainwashed her by trying to buy her. I see it but she dont.

The thing is while she has hurt me deeply i feel i lneed go to show my love and support even if she hasnt. That and i think her dads side has tried to alienate her againt me...which i want get into. Too long a story i feel i would habe let them won .. What todo

Can you take a friend for moral support?

Meaning i think i would be showing them her dads side of the family won on turning us against each other and there are valid reasons why i think that even if i cant get into it

I can try to see its expensive to fly

I'm sorry you're in this situation. It's got to be tough and must bring up all kinds of feelings. Your daughter could be a little more sensitive to your situation. Maybe she's just busy with the wedding and doesn't see the full picture. I'm here if and when you need to talk it over.

Hugs coming your way.

Sorry about this. Must be really hard.. Sending hugs to you. Let's just hope it will be over as quick as possible.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I really am.

But I think that for the sake of your future relationship...just listen, agree, and say lovely things in reply to all of her excitement.
It's all about sacrifice.

Come here to vent, though. We do understand.

The thing is i dont feel welcomed so should i even attend giving alk her negativity

Yes. That's part of the mom job. Putting your needs (especially now) on the back burner temporarily.
Plus if you go with a smile plastered on your face, you won't give them anything to talk about behind your back.

Her happiness comes first, especially at this exciting time in her life.

My son is getting married in less than two weeks. His future wife has not even told her parents about the wedding because she absolutely does not want either of them to show up and create drama. She wants everyone at the wedding to be people who can come willingly, supportively, positively, and fully lovingly without their own agendas creating any kind of drama. Our whole family will be there; we know how to do all of the above. No one in her family will be there; none of them know how to do the above.

If you can do the above, then go. If you cannot, I honestly would suggest you stay away. Send a lovely gift and kind note, but stay away if you cannot be fully supportive and pleasant and not make it about you.

It is really hard when we see our adult children choose to have the people we despise in their lives.

I honestly can't see why my children would want their stepfather in their lives but he is. Despite what he did to me, and that it was obviously so, they still think of him has a father figure. I've just had to live with this fact, as irritating and hurtful as it is.

But they are adults and in charge of their own social and family circles. Even though we may disagree with them we must respect these are their choices.

Go to the wedding, bite your tongue and do your best to get through the day. Remember, you are there for her and not the reverse on this big day in her life. You may not enjoy yourself but at least you won't rue the fact you didn't go.

It not about me i think thats an unfair assumption she is the one being negative not me and yea i want to be supportive with no drama. The point is she brought it up and thats is what bothered me is that she thinks o will do what

Try put the comments she made aside, your indifferences with your ex etc and focus on one thing and one thing only:

Being there for her on her special day.

Actually I made no assumptions. I simply told the story of my own future daughter-in-law and her hopes and desires for her own wedding as a way of explaining what your daughter most likely wishes for her own wedding and what her fears are about what might go awry. Is it her being negative, or is it her expressing her fears about and desires for her own wedding? You take her words as negative, and they very well may have been expressed that way, but underlying them are her fears and desires that hopefully you can hear and respect on her wedding day.

I i am very happy she found someone special to share her life with. I am just going to be uncomfortable with the situation. There are alot of influence from the past here that are causing these anxious feelings. All i can do is pray that it all goes well. I want to be there for her.

ozzycat: the consensus seems to be that you should go for your daughter's big day, put on your best smile and be on your best behavior since this is her special day. I feel much compassion for you. That's why I was wondering if you could take somebody with you to help you through it. I hope you'll go and that it will turn out better then you expected. I personally would understand if you couldn't go but sent a nice gift and a note instead. I'll be there with you in spirit.