[Artchic528]

I don't know why, but I can't seem to shake this sense that my boyfriend will inevitably break up with me. I'm just waiting for him to eventually say "It's not working out" or something like that.

I guess this sense of insecurity goes down really deep because I'm in the mindset that everyone eventually leaves, or goes away for some reason or another. Nothing is ever going to be permanent. There will always be disappointment from everyone in your life.

I've been disappointed by everyone so far, what's to say it will change for the better? How will I know?

I'm trying my best to just be myself and not let this feeling dominate my moods and resonate from within me to a point where he can perceive it. I really like him and find myself falling more and more for him every day. I think about him all the time and reminisce over the time we've spent together and I don't want it to end, not now, not ever.

I'm the kind of person who is so afraid of being hurt, of someone leaving them that I desperately cling to whomever it is I care most about just to keep them as close as possible. I know this sort of behavior oftentimes backfires and drives the person further away and I wind up hurt, but I don't know how else to act.

What is a girl like me to do?

[Sunflower123]

Are you adverse to therapy? That's a miserable way to live...always thinking everybody is going to leave you. It sounds like you might have abandonment issues; possibly trust issues also. I do as well. I wanted to lend my support and let you know I'm here if you want to talk. Best wishes.

[MickeyCheeky]

I think I can relate a bit to what you say.. are you doing therapy? I feel like that's the best way to fight this kind of behavior. Perhaps you could also talk with your boyfriend about this, maybe he'll be able to give support, as well? Either way, we're here when you need it.

[Artchic528]

*sigh*

Therein lies another issue. I don't drive. Why? Because when I was trying for my license, it became apparent that I wasn't able to perceive everything that went on around me and the car. I can't focus on both driving (aka being aware of the car and what's around it) as well as remembering where I'm going. It all got rather confusing.

At least, that's what my mother always tells me when I ask about trying for my license again. I mean, it's not like I haven't tried at the DMV. I tried 3 times, and failed each of those three times. Running stop signs, driving carelessly into oncoming traffic, and parking. These were what the officer administering my test said I needed work on.

It's been years since then, about a decade in fact, but my mother still refuses to help me. She says and I quote "I can't in good consciousness take you to get a license and be responsible for you or anyone else getting hurt." That's her bottom line. I tried many times but always get this answer from her. Forget asking my father. He'd just yell at me all the while I'm driving and make me more nervous that I already am to the point of making major mistakes and maybe damaging the car (or worse). I have no one else to turn to besides my parents.

I used to go to therapy, and she drove me there, as did my kid brother. However, one day after a long restless night (and perhaps a bit too much caffeine consumption via diet coke) I was still in bed come 1:30 in the afternoon, where my mother found me when she came home from work to pick me up. She was so irate at the sight, that she had taken such "precious" time off of work only to come home to this situation, that she would never take me to therapy again.

I would take a Lyft (Uber is just too creepy now), but often times I'm strapped for cash. I had to not only pay for the Lyft, but cover the copay for the therapist's services. This adds up on a weekly basis. It doesn't help that I both don't have much in the way of income, AND what little I do have, I spend as a way to make myself feel better. I guess that's what you'd call an impulse control issue. I can't help it. Spending money helps me feel better when I'm super depressed. It's one the few things that does. It's a poor coping mechanism, I know. I guess I need better coping mechanisms.

Then there is the age old question about public transit. Well, considering the nearest bus stop is a good 45 minute walk from my house, and that I hadn't a clue how close the bus stops to my therapist's office were, I wasn't able to use that.

I honestly don't think I qualify for special assistance. The kind that drives you to doctors appointments. Besides, I don't think therapy appointments are exactly what they have in mind. I'm pretty sure that despite my having Medicaid and Medicare, that I'm too healthy otherwise for such assistance. I mean, I looked up all the various Public Transit assistance programs and none seem applicable to my particular situation.

[bearguardian]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

I don't know why, but I can't seem to shake this sense that my boyfriend will inevitably break up with me. I'm just waiting for him to eventually say "It's not working out" or something like that.

I guess this sense of insecurity goes down really deep because I'm in the mindset that everyone eventually leaves, or goes away for some reason or another. Nothing is ever going to be permanent. There will always be disappointment from everyone in your life.

I've been disappointed by everyone so far, what's to say it will change for the better? How will I know?

I'm trying my best to just be myself and not let this feeling dominate my moods and resonate from within me to a point where he can perceive it. I really like him and find myself falling more and more for him every day. I think about him all the time and reminisce over the time we've spent together and I don't want it to end, not now, not ever.

I'm the kind of person who is so afraid of being hurt, of someone leaving them that I desperately cling to whomever it is I care most about just to keep them as close as possible. I know this sort of behavior oftentimes backfires and drives the person further away and I wind up hurt, but I don't know how else to act.

What is a girl like me to do?

Make a doll in his resemblence, or just a doll. Pin it with love arrows. Put it in a heart-shaped box and bury it somewhere close. Maybe also plant something out of it.

I dont believe in magick but this could have a psychological effect.

And Im half serious...

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by bearguardian

Make a doll in his resemblence, or just a doll. Pin it with love arrows. Put it in a heart-shaped box and bury it somewhere close. Maybe also plant something out of it.

I dont believe in magick but this could have a psychological effect.

And Im half serious...

This sounds a bit like Witchcraft or Voodoo or the like. I'm not well versed in the Arcane Arts and don't really want to preform a ritual or spell that, while meant to do something innocent, actually does something very malicious or brings forth a dark entity. I've seen so many stories of that happening.

I do appreciate you replying though. It was very thoughtful of you.

[Moogieotter]

Hey Artchic. I am sorry you are struggling - but proud of your courage in trying to enjoy romance.

I think there is Skype Video Therapy these days that might be ideal for you.

moogs

[bearguardian]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

This sounds a bit like Witchcraft or Voodoo or the like. I'm not well versed in the Arcane Arts and don't really want to preform a ritual or spell that, while meant to do something innocent, actually does something very malicious or brings forth a dark entity. I've seen so many stories of that happening.

I do appreciate you replying though. It was very thoughtful of you.

This is interesting. You linked it automatically with dark entities. Sometimes its good to have dark entities appear, maybe they have the answer for your abandonment fear.

I have similar fears, about others leaving my life.

Instead of projecting your fears on others, creating entities could help you to face fears.

Just a suggestion...

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by bearguardian

This is interesting. You linked it automatically with dark entities. Sometimes its good to have dark entities appear, maybe they have the answer for your abandonment fear.

I have similar fears, about others leaving my life.

Instead of projecting your fears on others, creating entities could help you to face fears.

Just a suggestion...

Oh, you should never mess with dark entities. That's a major no-no. Allowing them into your life, or worse, your home can lead to them torturing you and draining you of your life essence. Sometimes you don't even need to invite them. They attach themselves to you, follow you to your home and make your life absolutely miserable. And Goddess knows I have enough problems with being miserable already.

Then you'd have to go through blessing the property and that in and of itself is very draining. The more powerful the caster of the blessing the more effective it is, and the more powerful dark entities need powerful blessings to vanquish them.

No dark magic for me. No way. Goddess forbid I hurt myself, or another with my disregard for the powers that be. I only dabble in white magic, if any, and only that which I am comfortable with.

[bearguardian]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

Oh, you should never mess with dark entities. That's a major no-no. Allowing them into your life, or worse, your home can lead to them torturing you and draining you of your life essence. Sometimes you don't even need to invite them. They attach themselves to you, follow you to your home and make your life absolutely miserable. And Goddess knows I have enough problems with being miserable already.

Then you'd have to go through blessing the property and that in and of itself is very draining. The more powerful the caster of the blessing the more effective it is, and the more powerful dark entities need powerful blessings to vanquish them.

No dark magic for me. No way. Goddess forbid I hurt myself, or another with my disregard for the powers that be. I only dabble in white magic, if any, and only that which I am comfortable with.

I also draw the line between what I think is healthy for me and what should never pass. And I could also say I do white magick only. The thing is I like fantasy, so my dark entities are just imaginary friends who happen to be mischievous just for appearance, fun, exploration...

[DodgersMom]

OP... i totally relate to this, I've been this way as long as I can remember. I am planning to talk about it in therapy soon. I hate this but it seems just natural reaction for me now. This is why I struggle with the IDEA of getting attached to my therapist, because I KNOW at some point it ends... and then I fear I'd be in a bad place....

I have a best friend out of state and while I trust her more than anyone else, I still live this mindset, I mean I figure, everyone else has got tired me of, why hasn't she? so many times I'll over analyze things like our texts or whatever.... and if I see her making lots of plans with mututal friends on FB, i think, well it must be because she is sick of me. It is very annoying so I can relate to this so much

However, good on you for at least dating, I've never been on a date in my life I hope somehow you find what you want with this and just so you know, "healthy" people can be in therapy. I have no issues outside of mental health and I go

[Open Eyes]

Artchic,

From the few posts I have read of yours, it's no wonder you anticipate some kind of failure in this relationship. That's because your parents have not put effort into helping you to keep trying even when you don't learn something right away. Instead they contribute to "you can't do it so you have to just give up" attitude.

When it came to your learning how to drive for example, you got distracted and nervous and probably subconsciously worried too much about failing just as you are doing with this relationship.

It's totally understandable you would worry this way because your parents "failed" you and deep inside your psyche you believe you will fail and be abandoned the same way. I am sorry you have been "trained" to feel that way because that is believing in a lie.

We all learn by "doing" Artchic, and some have to do longer than others before they grasp whatever it is they are trying to learn. But, you DO LEARN and that's what is the most important thing to discover about "self".

So, years ago when you tried to learn how to drive you would get distracted (even then you were dealing with self doubt that has been ingrained in you). Well, all that meant was you needed to practice more until you got so you could put it all together.

That is what I did when I taught young children how to ride. I preferred working with very young children because I liked teaching them how to learn how to learn. When I had them on the line where they were learning how to feel the pony's rhythm, I always made it a point to let them know how their challenge with it was going to change, I promised each one that what they felt uneasy about at first would change the more they did it. Then when I taught them how to post in rhythm with the pony's trot, again, this was hard and it took them a while to be able to do it then relax, then try to do it and keep trying between posting trot, then sitting trot. (I taught english riding where one has to learn how to post at the trot in rhythm with the pony's trot). I ALWAYS made it a point to tell them to remember how hard this seems "now" because I wanted them to know that once they got so used to posting that it felt wrong not to, which is what happens in that they ALL get so when they practice it enough, they all begin to do it without even thinking about it so much. Each child was a little different, some learn faster than others, but they ALL eventually learn. That was more important to me in my teaching than how long it took them to learn, just that they all DID LEARN. Then I moved on to other challenges and they ALL learned how to do these other things too.

Yes, there are a lot of distractions when it comes to driving, but, the more one drives the more it all comes together and even those who have low IQ's learn to drive. You are "not" stupid Artchic, and I think you are definitely smart enough to learn how to drive "safely". The challenge that you face the most right now is "fear of failure" that was something your parents (unknowingly) taught you to believe that you would only fail and people would just give up on you, so why bother trying.

As far as relationships go, a lot of people struggle with the same fears you have, a lot of people worry about "what if" and being rejected in some way. It's because of this that people reject, not because there is really something wrong with the other person, but, they are too afraid of getting hurt so they "end" the relationship.

What you do need is to learn that you can learn, how to actually fight for that instead of listening to the negative messages others are sending you. I think you should insist on learning how to drive again and also having as much time as you need to "practice" it until you put it all together to a point where you just have "learned" it.

A lot of parents take their children to big parking lots so they can sit behind the wheel and slowly learn how the car feels to drive, just like I did when I taught young children how to ride. Do you know how to ride a bike? It's not easy to learn how to ride a bike either, but once you learn you never forget, same thing.

[bearguardian]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Artchic,

From the few posts I have read of yours, it's no wonder you anticipate some kind of failure in this relationship. That's because your parents have not put effort into helping you to keep trying even when you don't learn something right away. Instead they contribute to "you can't do it so you have to just give up" attitude.

When it came to your learning how to drive for example, you got distracted and nervous and probably subconsciously worried too much about failing just as you are doing with this relationship.

It's totally understandable you would worry this way because your parents "failed" you and deep inside your psyche you believe you will fail and be abandoned the same way. I am sorry you have been "trained" to feel that way because that is believing in a lie.

We all learn by "doing" Artchic, and some have to do longer than others before they grasp whatever it is they are trying to learn. But, you DO LEARN and that's what is the most important thing to discover about "self".

So, years ago when you tried to learn how to drive you would get distracted (even then you were dealing with self doubt that has been ingrained in you). Well, all that meant was you needed to practice more until you got so you could put it all together.

That is what I did when I taught young children how to ride. I preferred working with very young children because I liked teaching them how to learn how to learn. When I had them on the line where they were learning how to feel the pony's rhythm, I always made it a point to let them know how their challenge with it was going to change, I promised each one that what they felt uneasy about at first would change the more they did it. Then when I taught them how to post in rhythm with the pony's trot, again, this was hard and it took them a while to be able to do it then relax, then try to do it and keep trying between posting trot, then sitting trot. (I taught english riding where one has to learn how to post at the trot in rhythm with the pony's trot). I ALWAYS made it a point to tell them to remember how hard this seems "now" because I wanted them to know that once they got so used to posting that it felt wrong not to, which is what happens in that they ALL get so when they practice it enough, they all begin to do it without even thinking about it so much. Each child was a little different, some learn faster than others, but they ALL eventually learn. That was more important to me in my teaching than how long it took them to learn, just that they all DID LEARN. Then I moved on to other challenges and they ALL learned how to do these other things too.

Yes, there are a lot of distractions when it comes to driving, but, the more one drives the more it all comes together and even those who have low IQ's learn to drive. You are "not" stupid Artchic, and I think you are definitely smart enough to learn how to drive "safely". The challenge that you face the most right now is "fear of failure" that was something your parents (unknowingly) taught you to believe that you would only fail and people would just give up on you, so why bother trying.

As far as relationships go, a lot of people struggle with the same fears you have, a lot of people worry about "what if" and being rejected in some way. It's because of this that people reject, not because there is really something wrong with the other person, but, they are too afraid of getting hurt so they "end" the relationship.

What you do need is to learn that you can learn, how to actually fight for that instead of listening to the negative messages others are sending you. I think you should insist on learning how to drive again and also having as much time as you need to "practice" it until you put it all together to a point where you just have "learned" it.

A lot of parents take their children to big parking lots so they can sit behind the wheel and slowly learn how the car feels to drive, just like I did when I taught young children how to ride. Do you know how to ride a bike? It's not easy to learn how to ride a bike either, but once you learn you never forget, same thing.

Id rather ride a camel across the endless desert and drink my recycled piss then drive a car in the city...
Oh wait, its not even a matter of choice. I get panic just by walking in the city, or entering a small store with eyes upon you, the eyes of that eager salesman that just waits there for you to buy something.
I will not even get into the city nightlife nightmare...
The world is really a rotten place for those that are different. Encouraging them to adapt to things they are not meant for is just another irritation in their endless string of irritations.
Just from my perspective...

[Open Eyes]

bearguardian,

You live in the city? I don't think I could live in a crowded noisy city and can't blame you for not wanting to drive a car in the busy city either. I struggle with PTSD though and I don't well in crowds, so would probably struggle on a crowded bus or subway car. Sorry you struggle so much and are so sensitive.

[bearguardian]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

bearguardian,

You live in the city? I don't think I could live in a crowded noisy city and can't blame you for not wanting to drive a car in the busy city either. I struggle with PTSD though and I don't well in crowds, so would probably struggle on a crowded bus or subway car. Sorry you struggle so much and are so sensitive.

It ok, I do find balance of being minimally involved in the scheme of things. There were pretty much worse periods in my life. Im actually lucky the way my mind and surroundings turned out.

But yes, on the other side, the dread of existence is always there. Its not just the city. The whole planet needs a serious psycho-analysis.

[Wild Coyote]

You could truly benefit from therapy. I can see you growing quickly with a trusting, supportive relationship. The validation will help you tremendously. I saw your reasons for not being engaged in therapy. Even so, I hope you find a way to get involved with a supportive therapist.

WC

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Artchic,

From the few posts I have read of yours, it's no wonder you anticipate some kind of failure in this relationship. That's because your parents have not put effort into helping you to keep trying even when you don't learn something right away. Instead they contribute to "you can't do it so you have to just give up" attitude.

When it came to your learning how to drive for example, you got distracted and nervous and probably subconsciously worried too much about failing just as you are doing with this relationship.

It's totally understandable you would worry this way because your parents "failed" you and deep inside your psyche you believe you will fail and be abandoned the same way. I am sorry you have been "trained" to feel that way because that is believing in a lie.

We all learn by "doing" Artchic, and some have to do longer than others before they grasp whatever it is they are trying to learn. But, you DO LEARN and that's what is the most important thing to discover about "self".

So, years ago when you tried to learn how to drive you would get distracted (even then you were dealing with self doubt that has been ingrained in you). Well, all that meant was you needed to practice more until you got so you could put it all together.

That is what I did when I taught young children how to ride. I preferred working with very young children because I liked teaching them how to learn how to learn. When I had them on the line where they were learning how to feel the pony's rhythm, I always made it a point to let them know how their challenge with it was going to change, I promised each one that what they felt uneasy about at first would change the more they did it. Then when I taught them how to post in rhythm with the pony's trot, again, this was hard and it took them a while to be able to do it then relax, then try to do it and keep trying between posting trot, then sitting trot. (I taught english riding where one has to learn how to post at the trot in rhythm with the pony's trot). I ALWAYS made it a point to tell them to remember how hard this seems "now" because I wanted them to know that once they got so used to posting that it felt wrong not to, which is what happens in that they ALL get so when they practice it enough, they all begin to do it without even thinking about it so much. Each child was a little different, some learn faster than others, but they ALL eventually learn. That was more important to me in my teaching than how long it took them to learn, just that they all DID LEARN. Then I moved on to other challenges and they ALL learned how to do these other things too.

Yes, there are a lot of distractions when it comes to driving, but, the more one drives the more it all comes together and even those who have low IQ's learn to drive. You are "not" stupid Artchic, and I think you are definitely smart enough to learn how to drive "safely". The challenge that you face the most right now is "fear of failure" that was something your parents (unknowingly) taught you to believe that you would only fail and people would just give up on you, so why bother trying.

As far as relationships go, a lot of people struggle with the same fears you have, a lot of people worry about "what if" and being rejected in some way. It's because of this that people reject, not because there is really something wrong with the other person, but, they are too afraid of getting hurt so they "end" the relationship.

What you do need is to learn that you can learn, how to actually fight for that instead of listening to the negative messages others are sending you. I think you should insist on learning how to drive again and also having as much time as you need to "practice" it until you put it all together to a point where you just have "learned" it.

A lot of parents take their children to big parking lots so they can sit behind the wheel and slowly learn how the car feels to drive, just like I did when I taught young children how to ride. Do you know how to ride a bike? It's not easy to learn how to ride a bike either, but once you learn you never forget, same thing.

Thank you for your post. I would love to drive someday. I had a private instructor for a while and even he said I needed work after the lessons were over. My parents put a lot of time and effort into teaching me, they really did, but after seeing the results, I guess they got frustrated and disappointed and decided it wasn't worth the costs anymore.

I do know how to ride a bike. When I was a kid, I never really liked it, and it took me a while to get comfortable with riding without training wheels I guess. Perhaps it was the feeling of not being in complete control without them that made me uncomfortable and scared, maybe it was the fact that I had my parents to teach me and they made me nervous or something. I don't really remember. I just remember I didn't take to it like other kids I knew, or even like my brothers did.

[Open Eyes]

Well, it's very normal to not want to let go of the safety of the training wheels on a bike.
Don't compare yourself to others, the important thing in the picture is that you finally learned how to ride a bike. So maybe you are a slow learner, so what, the point is that you do learn.

[Artchic528]

Yes, I do learn. I've realized that when I was typing up the last post I made on this thread. I do learn, but the more complex and demanding the task, it seems, the longer it takes me to figure it out and be comfortable doing it.

As a kid, I struggled heavily with math. My father, who had majored in math in college, had taken it upon himself to try and tutor me and help improve my grades. I recall that I was getting B's in that subject in grade school and my dad wanted to improve upon that. Well, turns out that he lacks the patience and understanding to be an effective teacher. He never could grasp the concept that there are people who struggle with even the most basic parts of math. In his mind, that should be second nature to anyone.

Oh, the yelling and crying that would go on. He'd get frustrated and yell "WHAT PART DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!" at me, and I would sob and yell back to him "I DON'T KNOW!!!" It would go on like this until either he would get to the point where he couldn't deal with it anymore and walk away, or my mom would intervene and try to help somehow.

As a result of this "tutoring" of his, I never gained the confidence I needed to learn math and to this day, just doing a basic Algebra problem draws back the negative associations I had as a child.

I don't really feel it's my parents fault, that they were poor parents. Mom often says that she would do things differently if she could redo having us. Unfortunately, stubbornness was a big issue, on both my part and theirs. I don't want to place blame on anyone, that it was just a result of a series of situations that could have been handled differently, but weren't.

With my dad's anger management issues, and my mother dealing with trying to please her oppressive parents and make them happy over herself and us kids, I feel my upbringing was a product of circumstance, if anything.

[Open Eyes]

As a kid, I struggled heavily with math. My father, who had majored in math in college, had taken it upon himself to try and tutor me and help improve my grades. I recall that I was getting B's in that subject in grade school and my dad wanted to improve upon that. Well, turns out that he lacks the patience and understanding to be an effective teacher. He never could grasp the concept that there are people who struggle with even the most basic parts of math. In his mind, that should be second nature to anyone.

Oh, the yelling and crying that would go on. He'd get frustrated and yell "WHAT PART DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!" at me, and I would sob and yell back to him "I DON'T KNOW!!!" It would go on like this until either he would get to the point where he couldn't deal with it anymore and walk away, or my mom would intervene and try to help somehow.

This is bad to do with someone who is trying to learn. Teaching young children is a challenge in that while they are trying to learn their brains are still developing. You were already getting B's in math and that's really good. What your parents should have done is praise you for what you did achieve. This whole teaching philosophy of grading and focusing on what one gets wrong is "bad" for the psyche. It creates a neurological pathway of focusing too much on the negative and that creates "stress" and low self esteem.

If you read enough of the threads on this site, you can begin to hear a humming of "I am failing, what's wrong with me". One of the things we are all born with is navigational skills. It's to DISCOVER, humanity is all about discovery.

When I see your avatar of all those colored pencils, and think about how when you pick up a colored pencil and draw something, you are in fact discovering. Every time you read a book, you are navigating and exploring with your mind to find the story or messages with that book. Every time you do that, navigate and explore, you always walk away "with" something. SO, if you had a math book and sat in class and learned math and got a B? Look how much you walked away with. Well, if someone doesn't walk away with ALL of what's there, SO WHAT.

Oh, the yelling and crying that would go on. He'd get frustrated and yell "WHAT PART DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!" at me, and I would sob and yell back to him "I DON'T KNOW!!!" It would go on like this until either he would get to the point where he couldn't deal with it anymore and walk away, or my mom would intervene and try to help somehow.

And when this happens, what does the child walk away with? Stress about LEARNING. What do human beings do when that happens? They start navigating to avoid that STRESS. It's bad to educate children to learn how to navigate to "avoid" when it comes to learning and learning how to walk away with "something". These somethings can add up, especially when a child learns and feels rewarded for what they got correct and what problems they did figure out.

My daughter has a learning disability, she has dyslexia. It takes her longer to read and figure out letters and sounds that make up these different words. I read to her every night since she could focus on the pages and picture in a book. She got so she loved spending time on my lap and listening to me read to her and looking at the pictures. Her favorite story from age 1 was a little book called "Panda Bear's Paintbox". I would read other books, but, always had to finish with reading that little book. So, this is about a little panda bear that gets a paint box for his birthday and he mixes colors with those paints and he paints pictures. Years later, my daughter "loves" animals, which is why she liked the panda bear, and she "loves" colors too. That is one of the themes in her. YET, it's a genetic predisposition in her. The binding on that little book was "silver", and she likes white gold and silver.

The other day she talked about a new book she is reading, she loves to read, it relaxes her. She told about the book and then she said, "When I read I always remember you reading to me and how much I loved it". Now, it took her a long time to learn how to read, "she was a slow learner when it came to that", but she loves to read, even finds it relaxing and a great stress reducer. (my daughter is 33 now) What is the something she walked away with? My daughter actually has a high IQ, she just learns differently.
BUT, once she learns, it doesn't go away, she HAS IT.

Every relationship you have had, online or whatever, you always walk away with "something". It's important to make sure you focus on that and allow yourself to keep navigating and discovering and "learning".