Living and relationships

I want to emphasize that not getting appropriate attention from parents as a child is no small or trivial matter. Parents can be held criminally liable for failure to attend properly to the emotional as well as physical needs of a child. That failure can certainly leave a person coming from such a home with severe impairments. Children can be removed from homes providing inadequate parental attention and put into foster care or into residentual treatment facilities. (Sometimes those places are little better than the home the child was removed from. Sometimes they are better, even much better.) Maybe you should have been taken from your parents when you were a child.

Now you are an adult, so what could have or should have been done in the past can't be corrected now.

I would advise youbto ask your doctor or other heakthcare provider about Psychsocial Rehab. That's something you might never hear about, or get a shot at, unless you specifically ask and push for it. Typically, these programs have a bus or van that picks you up at where you live and brings you back. Some people are even provided with a "support worker" who comes by to help you with cleaning your flat and doing other chores.

This might be a longer post.
I literally don't know how to live. It is a serious serious issue.
Today the doctor said they only deal with "physical issues" and I should see a psychiatrist. She did give me a depression questionnaire but it's not depression. Last time I missed the appointment with the regular psych. (I overslept) and they didn't want to see me. After hours finally another psychiatrist saw me but said they only have 10 minutes. I explained, they only asked the regular questions (do you have visions, do you sleep) and said "bye". Next appointment with regular psych. is in more than a month (they may only suggest hospital where you simply sleep for days). I looked for social coaching, it is mainly therapists abroad who do that (not here) so you can't see them in person.
I cannot keep like this any more. I am worried I'm becoming an outcast. I go out and walk but I feel alone as I do so, not like I might meet someone new at all. The conversations with any "clerks" stay at the basics ("can I have this, thank you"). I know something is missing desperately. I can't wait for something that might never come. Because I do not make conversational bonds or "entice" someone, what others take for granted. I do not feel close. I exist. Occasionally I feel panic like I want to scream for people even though they're there but we're not talking at the time. I pray, too.
A bit about parent, where we used to go she would just be quiet and say nothing (e.g. restaurant) and that was fine with her. It is rude and not fine. She used to talk to her partner but had distance to me. When younger she thought it fine I hardly leave the house and the several times a year she drove me to see a friend was like she is doing a lot. When there she sees me but does not give it much notice and has zero "relationship". Etc. I can't say exactly what is "it". But it's becoming unhealthy, disordered, wrong in every way. I am alone more or less and it is not intentional, I can not create a life I feel is right. Please help me find an answer.
Do you have any ideas? Suggestions for help? Thought what may be the issue?

I'd like to add I worry about falling into "bad" company since early age, nobody worried about this, there is no support and little protection. Don't you think that, once you get feedback from social groups you're not alright (true or untrue), it's too late? If you have no support?

I don't think it's ever too late. And what do you mean by being all right? My husband has Tourette's syndrome along with OCD abd communication with people is hard but he doesn't think it's too late. He keeps doing things

You sound as you'd really like support from people and it's understandable. But often times as adults we have to become self reliant

Divine I feel like in a sea of people talking, I am drowning in mutism. People don't talk to me consistently. I have to go out of my way to have someone talk to me, to give me that attention. And that is sad. Imagine being surrounded by people who never say a word all the time.

I am sorry you are struggling but strangers aren't going to talk to you even if you are outgoing person and certainly they won't strike friendships .

People don't have reasons to talk to you unless you expose yourself to conversations consistently. If I was randomly go places, people wouldn't start talking to me all of a sudden either, and I am not shy. It's just unrealistic. The only way to ensure people approaching you is to become part of a community.

Places where I talk to people outside of my home are: job (jobs, I have two), class when I take one (either professional or community based type), one meetup I belong to and go out with (women group I found online). And that's about it. Well I talk to random people like stores but that's brief. I go to gym but I don't talk to no one there.

Other than that people don't just come up to me to start conversations or start friendship or want to help me out or teach me things. That's not how world operates. I understand you are having hard time but strangers don't miraculously will start engaging with you regardless of your social skills.

Hi Jelly,

I had a friend in a similar position to you. We are in the UK but I think this may help. She joined a local church and has not looked back. As well as a regular meet up on a Sunday, she goes on trips all over UK, seminars, social events etc. There is always someone looking out for her and she, in turn, looks out for others.

The older church members act as Grand parents for her, remember her birthday, etc. She is also involved with Sunday school. I am not a Christian but if I was, this would be the best place to go. I am sure other religions have similar set ups.

Good luck