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#1
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I've always wondered why some people chronically bail out on friends. I'm not talking about those who are busy or something else comes up and has to cancel from time to time. I'm talking about those who consistently make plans and then doesn't show up or cancels at the last minute or agrees to plans you made and then just doesn't follow through. I know these friends really aren't real friends, but I've wondered what the reason is. Do they get a power trip feel from doing it? Does it make them feel like they have control? Is it a form of manipulation? Just wondered what you guys thought about it.
I do know one possibility is that, for some people, they are just making plans as a back up until they can find something better to do with someone else. What are some reasons you can think of? I know these people are not really good friends but I've just wondered what drives some people to be this way. I feel like if someone really doesn't want to hang out with you, they just simply won't agree to plans or make plans in the first place to it can be baffling at why some people feel they need to chronically bail when they clearly don't have to make the plans or agree to them in the first place. |
![]() Anonymous50909, Fuzzybear, Sunflower123
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#2
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"Do they get a power trip feel from doing it? Does it make them feel like they have control? Is it a form of manipulation?"
Sometimes, yes! And they are unreliable, crappy people. Don't set yourself up for plans with them again.
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
![]() rdgrad15
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#3
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Anxiety and depression come to mind. I often want to get out of plans because of those reasons. Luckily, I'm usually talked into going anyway.
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![]() Bill3, Erebos, rdgrad15, TishaBuv
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#4
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Yeah I definitely am more careful about not making plans with these kinds of people.
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#5
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Yeah in those cases, that is a little more understanding. But for people who don't have anxiety or depression, I feel like they have no excuse.
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#6
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These are the reasons I usually have to cancel. I never know how I'll be from one day to the next so I make tentative plans.
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![]() Bill3, rdgrad15
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#7
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I am one of those people who make plans and always cancel. I never make plans with the intention of hurting or letting people down, I just make plans because I really want to meet that person but when it comes to it I just can't deal with it of have been so unorganized that I literally can't make it... I have never looked at it for the person on the receiving side. It's crazy because I am a very caring loving person and if someone or a friend really needed me I would be there..please try to speak with these people who let you down because like me if they realised how it made you or other's feel then for the future they would make sure they turned up x
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![]() TishaBuv
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![]() rdgrad15
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#8
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Yeah I can understand that. I like making tentative plans too so it is not a complete commitment. I feel like that is better than making concrete plans all the time and then bailing all the time.
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#9
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Quote:
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![]() Claire Warman
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![]() Claire Warman
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#10
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I have a friend who is always fashionably late. She acts so full of herself and entitled. I will not go with her to a restaurant anymore because she is so impossible. I know she does it on purpose because of her ego, and I can't tolerate it. I stopped seeing her.
Then I have a friend who tells people she has anxiety issues. We go out with her every once in a while. It works out and you wouldn't think she has issues, she's fine in public and restaurants, etc... but, I do shy away from inviting her because I think she's apprehensive, and she rarely invites me somewhere. But, interestingly, she writers racy, romance novels!
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
![]() rdgrad15
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#11
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Quote:
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![]() TishaBuv
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#12
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Quote:
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Another possibility is to nonjudgmentally be aware that this is their consistent practice, for whatever reason, and plan accordingly. |
![]() Erebos, rdgrad15
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#13
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I experienced this so much with a person in the past, that I let her go as a friend. That's another story though. I'm also guilty of doing it due to my mh issues sometimes. I'm curious to know if the people you refer to, tell you they are cancelling, or just don't show up?
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![]() rdgrad15
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#14
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Depression, anxiety, poor health are what come to my mind. My friend thinks people who do this do it for a power trip. I love my friend but she consistently does things to power trip people which is why she assumes other people do things for power tripping reasons. I have no real idea why the people who do this to you do it, I don't know them. When I don't show up for something it's usually a health or mental health reason so that's where my mind goes. There are soooo many possible reasons but what matters most is how it effects you and the boundaries you need to set for your own well being. I've discovered it's best not to mind read people's intentions because the conclusions you draw often have more to do with yourself than the other person.....but sometimes we just "know" a person is manipulative and if this is how you view these friends, it's best for all parties involved to part ways as it's unlikely it will change or lead to anything positive.
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![]() Bill3, Erebos, rdgrad15, TishaBuv
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#15
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For me it's anxiety, I nearly always bail on plans because I freak out at the last minute. I do it with appointments too. It has zero to do with the person I am meeting.
I am awAre it can be hurtful and I thankfully have amazing friends who totally understand my anxiety issues, and let it slide. They are also super supportive when I do actually make it out.
__________________
I Don't Care What You Think Of Me...I Don't Think Of You At All.CoCo Chanel. |
![]() Bill3, rdgrad15
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#16
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#17
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You did the right thing by confirming and saving yourself. Why would a person make plans and never show up or call? What kind of relationship do you have with this person? Did you misunderstand that you had plans?
I'm sorry I said these were 'crappy' people and was judgmental (as Bill pointed out). People who don't show up because of anxiety are not crappy people, I didn't mean you guys. It's my friend who I know does it to pull some sort of self-driven power play and it really irks me.
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
![]() rdgrad15
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#18
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And what is even worse is that later in the same day, I will see her posting photos of herself with other people on the day we planned on meeting. So most likely I am like a back up option to her. She may even say she is too busy on a certain day and just can't hang out and then post pictures of herself hanging out. So it is definitely a power trip. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. Last edited by rdgrad15; Aug 08, 2017 at 08:11 AM. |
#19
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You have a lot of restraint to not flame out and tell her off for being so rude.
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
![]() rdgrad15
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#20
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Yeah I do. I have thought of it. The only thing that really keeps me from doing it is that it could cause her to feel pressured into hanging out with me which is not what I want either. Don't want someone hanging out just because they feel like they have to. And even if she didn't, I still don't want her to assume I am clingy.
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#21
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You'd be best off finding someone else who likes to be with you.
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
![]() rdgrad15
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#22
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Yeah definitely.
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#23
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I don't think that blowing up at her is the right or helpful thing to do, but asking her what happened, and taking into account what she says in your future planning, is certainly appropriate in my view. |
![]() rdgrad15
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#24
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![]() Bill3
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#25
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![]() rdgrad15
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