[bpforever1]

Hi,

I'm on a dating site and get many contacts for sex. I usually turn down most of them. But, as I written before, I dated one man who is separated and is bipolar like me and we hit it off pretty well. Now, I'm on there still and so is he. I receive many messages and for fun I talk to other men. Now, there is another man who wants to meet me and is divorced. He is a dentist and doing well financially. However, I talked to him because I am lonely and just wanted to talk to someone. I really like the man who is bipolar but don't know if I should limit myself to one man. He is married still. He says he does not get many contacts from women but is still on the site. He is a paying member whereas I am not but still get messages. I don't know if it is fair to play the market so to speak and look around. I don't have any commitment to the man with bipolar yet. He came by yesterday and we had sex again. So, may be that is all he wants. Also, another lover I had who never talks to me except for when he wants sex contacted me today, but I turned him down. I am not interested in being booty call for someone who does not want to talk to me besides when he wants sex. My question is even though I like the man with bipolar, is it ok to play the market and see who is out there besides him? Do you think it is wrong of me to do this? I have no current plans to get married to anybody but am seeking a friend who is a lover too. Any advice? Thank you!!

[dshantel]

Hi. You may get different opinions on this post because everyone is different and believes different things when it comes to this kind of stuff. It's totally ok in my opinion for you to want to be with more than one person. But the people you are with need to be fully aware of the other person. You can Google non monogamous or polyamory and it explains more about being open or dating multiple people.

Originally Posted by bpforever1

Hi,
I really like the man who is bipolar but don't know if I should limit myself to one man. He is married still. I don't have any commitment to the man with bipolar yet. He came by yesterday and we had sex again. So, may be that is all he wants. My question is even though I like the man with bipolar, is it ok to play the market and see who is out there besides him? Do you think it is wrong of me to do this? I have no current plans to get married to anybody but am seeking a friend who is a lover too. Any advice? Thank you!!

Of course it is OK to play the market. I encourage it. I think if you find someone as interesting as the bipolar man then you will be able to stop seeing him. Because your bipolar lover is married, it will always need to be kept a secret. You only need to tell others if you become serious with them and don't drop Mr. bipolar. Date, date, date......

[Sunflower123]

I agree with Hopingtrying. There is nothing wrong with dating others. Best wishes.

[healingme4me]

I say keep your options open. No need to limit yourself to this married man who talks either a good game or is really unsure of himself.
You already recognize that you don't want the other guy that reappeared in your life.

[bpforever1]

Well, the reason I like the married bipolar man is because he and I share common disorders and experiences. Other men just don't empathize and don't care. He is separated and is good to me. So, I am not too concerned about him hurting me. I know his situation and he knows mine. We get along very well. However, I am hypersexual and lonely at times. Thus, when he is not around, I like talking to other men to decrease my loneliness. I am not looking per se to have sex with other men. I just want to talk to others at times for fun. I think everybody's advice here is good. But, I'm going to just play it safe and stick with him for awhile. He is tall and handsome which helps. Also, he is very romantic. I do like him and hope for the best. I have problems with being hypersexual with men and this may be more of a problem than I care to acknowledge. I need to watch myself. I don't want to get hurt nor hurt anybody. Thank you all for your suggestions though. I will follow my heart and not worry too much about whether or not he will leave his wife. I am like I said not interested in marriage for now. Thus, he says he is leaving and in the process of divorcing. But, for me his just being with me at times makes me happy.

[Jellyfish18]

Originally Posted by bpforever1

Hi,

I'm on a dating site and get many contacts for sex. I usually turn down most of them. But, as I written before, I dated one man who is separated and is bipolar like me and we hit it off pretty well. Now, I'm on there still and so is he. I receive many messages and for fun I talk to other men. Now, there is another man who wants to meet me and is divorced. He is a dentist and doing well financially. However, I talked to him because I am lonely and just wanted to talk to someone. I really like the man who is bipolar but don't know if I should limit myself to one man. He is married still. He says he does not get many contacts from women but is still on the site. He is a paying member whereas I am not but still get messages. I don't know if it is fair to play the market so to speak and look around. I don't have any commitment to the man with bipolar yet. He came by yesterday and we had sex again. So, may be that is all he wants. Also, another lover I had who never talks to me except for when he wants sex contacted me today, but I turned him down. I am not interested in being booty call for someone who does not want to talk to me besides when he wants sex. My question is even though I like the man with bipolar, is it ok to play the market and see who is out there besides him? Do you think it is wrong of me to do this? I have no current plans to get married to anybody but am seeking a friend who is a lover too. Any advice? Thank you!!

Ask the bipolar man how he sees you and if he thinks there could be a serious relationship. Obviously until then it is probably fine to talk to others too but maybe better not to be intimate with them?

[Patagonia]

Only 11% of primates on this earth are monogamous. That's it. So where this idea of being monogamous comes from......well for me, I think it's driven my man made religious ideas & ultimately about control!
We are all sexual beings & there's absolutely nothing wrong with exploring that! There should be no guilt; problem is society will make you feel that way. Guaranteed!

It's hard to go against society, but you are in control of your wants & desires & like stated above, keep that message in the forefront of all conversations.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

Only 11% of primates on this earth are monogamous. That's it. So where this idea of being monogamous comes from......well for me, I think it's driven my man made religious ideas & ultimately about control!
We are all sexual beings & there's absolutely nothing wrong with exploring that! There should be no guilt; problem is society will make you feel that way. Guaranteed!

It's hard to go against society, but you are in control of your wants & desires & like stated above, keep that message in the forefront of all conversations.

I think it's extremely important that all partners are informed that the person or both have sex with other people. Then it's fine.

I don't believe it's anything to do with society. If particular couple is ok to sleep around, then there should be no guilt or judgement. It's their choice.

But it's a different story if people aren't aware. Then we denied them free choice. Personally I don't want to be with a man who sleeps around. So if he informs me, I have a choice of staying or leaving. If he doesn't inform me, then he denies me my free choice, he keeps me around under false pretenses. It's not cool. It's not cool in the same sense as not informing your date about being married or having children etc fundamental stuff.

There is nothing liberating about lying to people. It's selfish. But if both are truthful then of course it's entirely their business.

[Patagonia]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I think it's extremely important that all partners are informed that the person or both have sex with other people. Then it's fine.

I don't believe it's anything to do with society. If particular couple is ok to sleep around, then there should be no guilt or judgement. It's their choice.

But it's a different story if people aren't aware. Then we denied them free choice. Personally I don't want to be with a man who sleeps around. So if he informs me, I have a choice of staying or leaving. If he doesn't inform me, then he denies me my free choice, he keeps me around under false pretenses. It's not cool. It's not cool in the same sense as not informing your date about being married or having children etc fundamental stuff.

There is nothing liberating about lying to people. It's selfish. But if both are truthful then
of course it's entirely their business.

I did reply that this conversation should be at the forefront. I'm NOT promoting cheating.

And yes I think society has a great deal to do with it. Where does the basic principle come from in being exclusive?
In the primate world it's for breeding purposes only.
So when did humans decide that being monogamous was a moral decision? I'm not wanting to argue here, but bec of our harsh society rules there's many people out there that are dead inside, not really living, bec what they want is not condoned by society.

Why would the original poster even ask if it's ok that they look or talk to other people? Bec they've been taught (by society) it's not really acceptable. Maybe taboo.

[Patagonia]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I think it's extremely important that all partners are informed that the person or both have sex with other people. Then it's fine.

I don't believe it's anything to do with society. If particular couple is ok to sleep around, then there should be no guilt or judgement. It's their choice.

But it's a different story if people aren't aware. Then we denied them free choice. Personally I don't want to be with a man who sleeps around. So if he informs me, I have a choice of staying or leaving. If he doesn't inform me, then he denies me my free choice, he keeps me around under false pretenses. It's not cool. It's not cool in the same sense as not informing your date about being married or having children etc fundamental stuff.

There is nothing liberating about lying to people. It's selfish. But if both are truthful then of course it's entirely their business.

And is this post directed to me bec it's a fact on here, that I don't hide that I'm a cheater?

Yes I am unfaithful in my marriage.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

I did reply that this conversation should be at the forefront. I'm NOT promoting cheating.

And yes I think society has a great deal to do with it. Where does the basic principle come from in being exclusive?
In the primate world it's for breeding purposes only.
So when did humans decide that being monogamous was a moral decision? I'm not wanting to argue here, but bec of our harsh society rules there's many people out there that are dead inside, not really living, bec what they want is not condoned by society.

Why would the original poster even ask if it's ok that they look or talk to other people? Bec they've been taught (by society) it's not really acceptable. Maybe taboo.

I don't know why she asked. Perhaps she feels that talking to other people out of loneliness is not productive or maybe she realizes her current partner isn't the best choice hence she is looking for other men. I don't know

I don't know about society. I am 51 and lived on two continents and society never pressured me to conduct my relationships in any particular manner. I do whatever the heck I want. I never felt society made me do anything I don't want to (within laws of course like I have to pay taxes lol)

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

And is this post directed to me bec it's a fact on here, that I don't hide that I'm a cheater?

Yes I am unfaithful in my marriage.

No I didn't know you cheat, it was a response to you saying that there shouldn't be guilt. I misunderstood you then. I thought you meant one can sleep with others with no guilt.

Since you brought up cheating I don't think you can claim that society made you do that. I just don't see how society makes us do anything that pertains to sex and relationships. Yes in the past. Not in 2017 in the western world imho.

[TishaBuv]

If you are single and you want to date and have sex with several guys, it's fine IMHO to go ahead and do that. You should always use protection from STDs.

I am from the school of thought that you don't need to tell one about the other when you are single. If they are smart, they should realize it is a possibility.

If they start to talk about being exclusive, then you need to commit to them and stop seeing other guys.

There's no need to lie. I am not a cheat. If there is no ring on your finger or a spoken understanding of commitment, you don't owe anything to anyone except safe sex.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

If you are single and you want to date and have sex with several guys, it's fine IMHO to go ahead and do that. You should always use protection from STDs.

I am from the school of thought that you don't need to tell one about the other when you are single. If they are smart, they should realize it is a possibility.

If they start to talk about being exclusive, then you need to commit to them and stop seeing other guys.

There's no need to lie. I am not a cheat. If there is no ring on your finger or a spoken understanding of commitment, you don't owe anything to anyone except safe sex.

I agree except I think if you have sex with people, you need to tell them that you aren't being exclusive. There is no 100% safe sex. Condom could break for example. You owe honesty to other people. I don't believe in omitting that info. If you just going out for coffee then who cares.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I agree except I think if you have sex with people, you need to tell them that you aren't being exclusive. There is no 100% safe sex. Condom could break for example. You owe honesty to other people. I don't believe in omitting that info. If you just going out for coffee then who cares.

I agree, telling one about the other is more honorable. But, players gonna play, know what I mean...

When I was dating, and I know the guy I was dating was messing with other women and he certainly didn't volunteer that information and come out and tell me. Who would? What would I have said? I would have dumped him, knowing he was with someone else. That's why you don't tell. Sure it's kinda skanky. But......

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I agree, telling one about the other is more honorable. But, players gonna play, know what I mean...

When I was dating, and I know the guy I was dating was messing with other women and he certainly didn't volunteer that information and come out and tell me. Who would? What would I have said? I would have dumped him, knowing he was with someone else. That's why you don't tell. Sure it's kinda skanky. But......

Yeah I think cheating or lying is horrible. I do understand though that in the past when divorce was unacceptable or unattainable, especially for women, so there was often no other choice but cheat. Or when people couldn't openly date and had to hide. It's still the case in many cultures. There is no need to do any of it nowadays in the western world whatsoever. We are free to do whatever within limits. Heck that dude who slept around could probably find a girl who wouldn't mind.

[TishaBuv]

When you first start dating someone, you don't know who else they're seeing. For those first few months, both may be seeing others, but neither will say anything. They will make every effort not to be found out. It doesn't gain you points with someone to tell them you are sleeping with someone else. So, for me, I knew it was probably, I didn't ask, and didn't tell. Then, if we really liked each other, the relationship deepened, and we started spending so much time together, that I KNEW there couldn't be anyone else. Then starts commitment talk.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

When you first start dating someone, you don't know who else they're seeing. For those first few months, both may be seeing others, but neither will say anything. They will make every effort not to be found out. It doesn't gain you points with someone to tell them you are sleeping with someone else. So, for me, I knew it was probably, I didn't ask, and didn't tell. Then, if we really liked each other, the relationship deepened, and we started spending so much time together, that I KNEW there couldn't be anyone else. Then starts commitment talk.

I am ok dating more than one person but prefer not to have sex with more than one. To each its own.

[bpforever1]

Thank you all for your input and suggestions. I got off the dating site and am still in contact with the man with bipolar. I don't plan to have sex with other men. I just wanted to talk with other men because at times I am lonely. I realized men just want to meet and have sex. Thus, I'm just going to stay with the man with bipolar for awhile and see what happens. I don't like to have sex with men who I have no relationship with since sex becomes a chore in the end. I do like the man with bipolar very much. We have alot in common besides are illnesses. He comes from the same area my father was born and raised and his mother is from the same area my mother is from. He is really sweet and nice. I don't know if we have a future but for now we get along really well. This is all that matters to me now.

[Claire Warman]

It's all about wanting to be loved and liked, the attention is what some people seek, you said the guy with bipolar is married so that means you can chat to whoever you like but be careful not to get too involved with a married man and that can cause further heartache and effect you.

[bpforever1]

Thank you, Claire!

[TishaBuv]

These dating sites breed a lot of 'booty calls'. A lot of people do it, so they have become accustomed to expecting everyone will.

It's true, there's no 100% safe sex. You do take a risk. All the more reason to commit and be faithful.

[bpforever1]

Thank you for your input.

Originally Posted by Patagonia

I did reply that this conversation should be at the forefront. I'm NOT promoting cheating.

And yes I think society has a great deal to do with it. Where does the basic principle come from in being exclusive?
In the primate world it's for breeding purposes only.
So when did humans decide that being monogamous was a moral decision? I'm not wanting to argue here, but bec of our harsh society rules there's many people out there that are dead inside, not really living, bec what they want is not condoned by society.

Why would the original poster even ask if it's ok that they look or talk to other people? Bec they've been taught (by society) it's not really acceptable. Maybe taboo.

^^This^^

That's why I give the finger to society and do things my own way.

As long as you're not hurting anybody than you should have every right to whatever you want. People who disagree are part of the problem and not the solution.

So yeah, I agree that the OP needs to make her own decision about this. She should do whatever makes her happy and stop worrying about what others might think.