I think I'm having an online affair with a nineteen year old Russian girl

I re-read the intro, and it seems to me that there must be some amount of guilt or inner shame going on with dating someone that young, or else the title of the post wouldn't make sense, or the statement that he's going to hell. 19 is awfully young for a 62 year-old, merely because when you're 19, you really don't know what you want yet and are barely an adult. A 62 year old man has been an adult for 44 years longer... that's a huge gap. I understand the loneliness factor and connecting with someone online..... I guess I would just be cautious in meeting up. This probably won't go anywhere, mainly due to the age difference and maturity gap, but what do I know. Perhaps it could be a nice friendship from a distance, too. Nothing wrong with that. I really do understand the loneliness.

But you did mean to get caught up with a 19 year old. Nothing about this affair is accidental. She could have commented and you could have ignored her, but ding-ding-ding she's a young bored teenager alas the damsel in distress and you *only* want to keep her company. Does that not sound creepy to you? At 19 she's not a physically grown woman, and she's still a teenager. Do you have a therapist who can help you overcome these fantasies and start to pursue women your own age?

Who cares that she is 19 and he is 62. Is it a huge age difference? Yes. Is it legal though? Yes. Is it fetishizing? Maybe. Why is that bad though? Who cares? It's his life, he can do what he wants. So can she, if she's actually real. I just hope you are cautious that this could be a catfish or a user, Mac.

I do agree with Golden Eve and Literary Lark about a 19 year old not being grown mentally yet. It would be an unbalanced relationship.

The threads he posts of these infatuations have an overall theme of guilt, hurt, and despair, so if anyone cares about this, its Mac. If he feels guilty about this, which it appears he does, then its reasonable to be questioning his motives and suggesting to find women his age if younger women brings grief.

I do think this age difference is a bit extreme, but it's just innocent internet flirting it's not like they are getting married. Young boys flirt with older women all the time and nobody has a problem with it if the woman reciprocates. During the New Years Eve live coverage a couple years back comedian Kathy Griffin who was like 55 was tongue kissing 24 year old male athlete and there was no controversy around that. Madonna is 59 and her past few boyfriends were all in their early 20s. I didn't see anyone accusing her of having a perverted age fetish. She was welcomed to speak at the women's march and worshiped like an idol. But if an older guy even speaks to a younger girl it is perverted?

OP, if you are seeking society's approval, you won't get it. I am 29 and people would have a problem with even me getting involved with a girl that young. I have even seen it suggested (on feminist forums) that it is creepy for a 26 year old guy to approach 22 year old college girls. Trust me, you will not convince people to be accepting of you at 62 getting involved with a 19 year old girl. As long as follow the law and your conscience it's all good. But be careful not to mistake social pressure for your conscience.

It is an odd pairing but not unheard of. Be careful.

I didn't really come on here to defend myself and I'm well aware of the age difference. To say that she is immature and it's an unbalanced relationship is making an assumption. It's true I have had a longer life but you know what even though she is nineteen she may have had more relationship experience than myself. I have not had a long term relationship ever and it eats at me eveyday. I don't really feel the need to wait around anymore for the right person, i.e., if opportunity knocks I don't really want to let it slip away. Although she's very young this is somebody who is real and in my life - not some same age fictional character some people are referring to. I can't manifest someone to be with who will meet everybody else's qualifications - I'm not Jesus. As for the age difference I'm sure there are other relationships with large age gaps out there. Are they creepy - I don't know. Are they happy - hope so. That said I haven't done anything yet. My biggest concern is not her age but the fact that she lives in an entirely different culture thousands of miles away. That means any future we might have would be very complicated. But I'm lonely and I hate throwing this away. If she lived two blocks away and showed the same interest I'd persue it - call me creepy but I have needs just like you. Peace

PS I've been in therapy for years and it ain't no substitute for having a real friend.

Hello Macd, have you talked with her via Skype? Have you actually seen her and talked with her over a period of time? I'm asking because I want you to know what you are letting yourself in for. Do you really get on together?

Imo... go and meet people where you live, in person with similar interests. I can guarantee a 19 year old female would break your heart or give you a heart attack! Good luck!

What worries me more, is what if she isn't even 19. What if she is some lonely school kid who thinks this is what 19 year olds do?

At the end of the day Mac, it's down to you. If your happy just chatting to this person, whatever they might be then carry on.
But be aware, this may not be quite what it seems.
Personally, I wish you all the best and hope you get your happy ever after.

P.s Lefty, you killing me man!

Okay, probably as close to a Russian expert here - yeah, I know, I'm on the internet so I can say anything, but I've got previous posts on this site where I've responded to people whose location is 'russia' in transliterated Cyrillic, and talked about the time I spent in the former Soviet Union so here goes:

From what you have said, she's likely real and telling the truth about her age, appearance and her interest in you. It's very common over there and Russians very often marry for convenience and security. I realize that Russia isn't communist any longer, but it is embedded in the fabric of society. A communist marriage is not the lovey dovey concept of marriage we have in the West. Marxists sought to destroy the traditional family and succeeded wildly.

Because I speak Russian and am familiar with the customs and have fallen for some of the traditional foods, I end up doing some shopping at the Russian market and know probably every Russian-American in my city - there's a lot. Here's what happens: The girl snags an American guy. Usually he's older, but Russians typically have a much wider age gap between husbands and wives than the United States and Europe, with the exception of France perhaps.

So the girl comes to America wide eyed and truly ready to settle down with this awesome guy. But then, as she begins to assimilate into the culture, the oddness of their relationship starts to hit her. The guys who are hitting on her are young, cute, fun - and not at all like the (sorry Russian guys) philandering, drunk, abusive guys they have to choose from back home. Ask any Russian what the divorce rate is in Russian and they will likely tell you that everyone's divorced in Russia. Indeed, they have a higher divorce rate than the US has ever had in it's history. So marriage - or commitment, isn't highly valued in a Russian marriage.

So, I know close to a hundred Russian girls who came to this country to be with a guy. I know two who have been with that guy for over two years - and those guys are close to terminal. Every other one has moved on to greener pastures. I'll say it again though, typically and in my experience, the girls are sincere - now, but it'll change.

A 62-year-old man dating a 19-year-old woman is walking on sunshine.

Yes I have seen her live and she is who she says she is. If fact I've seen her two hamsters and her cat (Laska) live. She loves animals which is pretty cool because so do I. I don't know maybe she hired somebody to sit on for her in the video and it wasn't really her. She sent me another text last night and it was very sweet. I haven't done anything except talk to her. It may never progress past this. But what if she does have feelings for me and I just say I'm sorry this isn't going to work. If I put her through any turmoil because I just pulled up stakes and abandoned her I would hate that. I've been there and it sucks. What am I gonna do - the plot thickens. Thanks.

Whatever you do, you've had many diverse opinions (some quite nasty) on this thread. You seem to understand the risks, so I hope folks can now leave you alone. Be smart & safe, macd.

Wise words . Are you listening Mac. I've seen several documentaries about US/UK/AUS men who pursue romantic attachments with Russian women, either from a distance or on an organised trip. I thought it was sad and a little pathetic on both sides. The girls, some pretty young, and your age difference isn't unusual, were paraded in front of these middle-aged , and even older men some of whom came across as desperate and a bit seedy. It was all a bit grubby and shabby. I'm not saying that's you Mac. Not at all. I'm sure you're charming, have a lot to give and would treat a women well.
Having said that your'e in a slightly different position. You have got to know her a bit and she you. i'm assuming she speaks some English. Russian culture IS different. The age gap isn't such a big deal. Russian women are fed up with feckless, drunken, violent, out of work Russian men and if they can catch a western man who'll look after them then they will. Whether it'll last and whether you are prepared to spend the money ( and i'm sure she'll expect it) , emotional energy, time, and eventual disappointment that will probably happen Mac only you can know.
You like travelling. Russia would be an interesting country to visit. Why not meet her, have a holiday, spend some time after on skype, don't rush it and see how things look in 6 months time.
If when you meet 'she ' turns out to be a bearded 6 foot 3 inch ex KGB officer who promises ' we have good time at my dacha' don't get into his blacked out beamer, politely decline and continue your holiday.

MacD, you remind me of those people on the show "90 Day Fiance". They are all so sad and desperate that it really tugs at my heartstrings. I hope you don't get so carried away that you're ready to throw everything away to meet her. She is just a kid. You're a grown man. Please PLEASE think things through before you get your heart broken again.

Vladimir is a beautiful small city if that's where she really lives. Lots of unpleasant stereotypes and exagerrations on this thread re Russian families, men and women. Had to chuckle re "experts on Russia". Unpleasant to read to say the least.

But back to issue with OP. I really doubt that anyone is going there to meet anyone, even even if this girl is real. Chances of a 19 year old being in love with a man her grandpas age who she has never met are rather slim. More slim than chances with previous love interests-baristas.

But good luck. No harm to any of this really as long as you do not send money or share bank accounts with her. Stay safe

It's a fetish when you refuse to consider anyone near your own age. You specifically target extremely young women on purpose and you care nothing for them other than they are so much younger than you, like that's some big deal. So yes, fetish.

Not true I've dated older women.

We should listen to the Ex-Soviet.

She's an adult so I don't see a problem there, technically. A question: Is she fluent in English--have you actually spoken to her? If you do the trip, please use protection...I wouldn't take her word that she's "on the pill," etc.

I know a Russian woman that came to the US via marrying a US citizen. They divorced but liked the arrangement at the time. The woman I know has a "side business" translating and writing letters for Russian women that want to marry a US citizen.

Good luck whatever you decide and keep us posted.

Is six months a long time for catfishing? I'm thinking she wants a trip "to fall in love" - have sex and a marital commitment from you so she can be a US citizen.

Maybe ask her what she wants or has she been direct?

I'm not even sure if I'm going to meet her. I don't even know if we're compatible - I would have to be a thousand percent sure before I even think about bringing her home. As far as sex - I'd be happy just to have her hanging around with me. Quite frankly at my age the hormones aren't as active as they used to be. If she just wanted to pal around on a trip with me I'd be cool with that. Yes, there is a language barrier because she doesn't speak English and my Russian is nil....we've been using google translate for communication. The good thing is she's nineteen and I'd bet she could pick up English really fast - young people are really good at learning. Bottom line - this ain't that far yet.

Macd, it's nice that you got some attention online and a Russian girl liked your pictures but I can see now that this is just an online fantasy. Communication is number one, which is why I asked you earlier if you two had Skyped. If you have a language barrier, it's just not going to work. I'm so sorry for you. Why don't you try online dating with someone that is reachable? It could be that this fantasy is so exciting because it really is unreachable? There is company out there for You! But this one is a no no!