Unhealthy/Toxic Relationships

idk what it is with the men you've experienced but misinterpreting cues is one thing if there was no verbal statement otherwise but with the fact that you have made it clear he has no excuse. And it's not Men, it's MEN WITHOUT BRAINS clearly. A decent male friend would understand and respect your boundary, period and trust me, there are actually men that aren't so inept with women.

if he's a good friend you will be able to have a conversation with him about what flirtation he is referring to and clarify this behavior with him as not flirting or coming onto him. I fear that he's kind of thick in the head though as it sounds like you've already had to make it clear to him multiple times and it's not getting through.

To be honest he sounds like he's a lion lying in wait... "maybe if I stick around she'll change her mind" kind of thing and based on this delusion his interpretations of your friendliness are exaggerated by his false hopes. since his base is that he expects and hopes for you to change your mind about him, he's reading into things through that filter.

need to decide if this friendship is worth it if he doesn't give up on anything more than friendship

YES!!!!! I agree -- I think he IS a lion waiting in wait.. and is reading into things, interpreting things in the way that he wants to because he hopes I WILL change my mind somehow.

Dammit.

And he tried to buy my drinks last night, but I kept putting my drinks on my own tab, to also make it clear.

He's treated me out for the night previously, and I tried to give him money for it, but he refused it. I TRIED to pay for our drinks then too, but he wouldn't let me.

Maybe THAT gave him the wrong idea. He probably viewed that night out as a date, I bet. Dammit.

Now I am in a pickle because I really want to go to this concert with him on Sunday, but I want to clear the air with him and not have him be angry with me.

Perhaps you're right - that i should ask him how he thinks I have flirted with him. He DOES need to respect my boundaries, I agree.

I apologized on text to him this morning, saying I thought I've been clear and that I am sorry if I misled him in any way. I don't know what else to do except apologize. I also asked if he still wants me to go to the concert.... most likely, I will run into him tonight, too, at a band that we both like to see each week.

What a mess. :/

gauge whether or not you should go to the concert based on his response to your conversation about the flirting. No concert is worth having to deal with an aggressive pursuer like him. It's going to end in pain and frustration but less pain the sooner you nip this problem in the bud.

I do agree, he thinks the concert is a date and you're playing hard to get. tread lightly here and seriously consider opting out. it will make the clearest statement about not dating him too.

thanks.... Since I haven't heard back from him at all and it's almost 11 AM... I texted him last night AND this morning about the concert Sunday and still no reply. So I am backing out. Screw this crap. I don't want awkwardness and certainly NOT anger just because HE misinterpreted my actions and chose to ignore my words. That's his problem. I am so sick of this crap...

UGH! AND I ran into two total creeps on my online dating site. One was trying to dress me before we've even met!! Asking me to even wear fishnet stalkings!!! Along with my cowgirl hat and boots. And the other got really pushy and kind of in my face about talking on the phone with me today when I had said I would call tomorrow. NOT balanced people.

I think many (not all guys) are just out for one thing & they think with all the feminism & sexual freedom crap that all women want that too with the concept everyone is doing that instead of truly listening to the woman they chose to assume & then think like has been said....since everyone thinks that way obviously if I push she will change her mind since "she really doesnt mean what she says. He has probably run into wkmen like that on thebdating scene & thinks they are ALL that way.

Im not sure if you gave off mixed vibes or not. Some guys are that way no matter what mixed vibes or not.

Honestly if the relationship is this COMPLICATED this early on....that is a red flag of a different kind but still a red flag....think seripusly about not going any farther with this one....it will only end up more complicated than it already is.

If he doesnt believe you mean what you say on this he wont believe you mean anything else either

SO true!

I don't know if I've given mixed signals. HE said that I flirted with him. Perhaps I did. I am very friendly and affectionate and males often misinterpret my friendliness as flirtation.

Still, it's on him for thinking he could change my mind. He owned up to his behavior and told me that I've done nothing wrong and that I HAVE been clear with him all along. So, he at least was adult about it and still wants to be friends.

I ran into him last night at a concert and it was fine. I will probably see him tonight as well.

I think he's just very lonely and is on the rebound himself from a serious relationship breaking up.

Glad you both were able to communicate through this. Being capable of communication on his part is a real positive. Sometimes working through differences can bring clarity & understanding & the FRIENDSHIP can grow stronger. Other times it clarifies that the difference cant be resolved because of diffetent desires & no friendship will grow. Those are the ones to just drop rather than trying to force or hope the other person will change.

This guy sounds like he has some maturity that might have just been a bit hidden at the moment until you were able to have a mutual discussion.

Will see how things go in the future but sounds like it might be a promising friendship in the making.

thank you and agreed! It did show maturity when he owned up and took responsibility for misreading and reading into things. I was sooo glad that he said he wants to still be friends, and hopefully we can be. He's older, so I assume there's maturity there. He is a good guy too, as far as I can see, and I do want friendship with him.

Thank you for your reply!

Lol....i found that just because someone is older we cant assume they have emotional maturity. The psychologist my H & I were going to before I left commented that my H at the age of 55 had the emotional maturity of a 12 year old....so one never knows until behavior is observed over time to see if words really turn into actions. Thsts why it takes so long to truly get to know some people but can be very much worth the time invested.

You're right. Never assume maturity based on age!!!