Seriously, anytime you're officially prohibited from ever talking to someone again, there's a problem. And if someone doesn't ever wanna see you again and won't acknowledge you, there's a problem. If someone doesn't miss you or care, there's a problem. If someone goes out of her way to avoid you, it's WTF. Why?

Because that person used to be really nice to me and liked me a great deal. Anytime someone changes like that, I die inside. I make friends easily but I never kept friends more than a few years. That applies to colleagues too. They ALL eventually walk out on me.

[Travelinglady]

((((ruby))) Have you talked to a therapist about this pattern? It could give you some insight.

[All Is Revealed]

Ruby, the only way to know why that person walked out on you is to ask them why they walked out. It's tough to know the answer if that person refuses to speak to you.

Honestly, I've walked out on all my friends. I even had a friend for 12 years that I just let go. Why? Because none of those friends were healthy to be around. All they did was talk about their ridiculous problems. But they never talked about solutions. Most of the time I was pulled into their chaos.

I've also let go of friends that I liked for a few years. But then things went sour quickly when they expected certain things from me. I only live for me, not for them.

Also, many of us grow apart over time. To this day, I question if there is such thing as a true "friend."

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

((((ruby))) Have you talked to a therapist about this pattern? It could give you some insight.

This could be really beneficial.

[Rose76]

Ruby, we went deeply into this with you. It was thoroughly explained to you by your therapist why you were "officially prohibited" from being around someone. It hurts to be rejected. I know because I have been too. It is frustrating to be told that some way we act is unacceptable. That has happened to me to. I lost a job over it. That was traumatic for me. At first, I felt I didn't deserve what happened to me. Then I asked myself, "Rose, is the world just out to pick on me, or do I have an approach to people that I need to look at?" I decided that there was no cloud over my head that contained a sign saying, "Hey people, be mean to Rose!" When the same criticism came to me from different people who didn't even know each other, I had to ask what they were seeing in me that I didn't see in myself. That's a hard thing to do. Some people will absolutely never, ever do it.

But I thought, "I'm not scum. I mean well most of the time. I should be able to see a fault in myself without that making me hate myself." You don't have to get a real low opinion of yourself and think that you're just garbage. That's not what having a behavior problem means. At my job, I was tending to argue a lot. I was standing up for things I believed I was right about. I probably was right. But I was getting on people's nerves. Folks just won't keep putting up with that.

When we keep getting negative feedback, we have to get honest with ourselves.

[seesaw]

I'm not sure why your post asks why others are treated better than you. You haven't given any example of others being in the same situation who have been treated better than you. If this is about the job that you got fired from and being told to stay away from that supervisor, that isn't treating you worse than others. That's the punishment you get for behaving badly even after you were warned multiple times. There are consequences for breaking the rules. Whether or not you agreed with the rules and boundaries set down for you, you were required to follow them by your job, and you chose not to. That's why you were prohibited from seeing this person. They did not walk away from you. You created an untenable situation for them. They were not obliged to suffer your stalking behavior.

You keep asking this question thinking that the answer is going to change. The fact of the matter is you are responsible for your own behavior, and you chose to break the rules. You now have to deal with the consequences. It does no good to dwell on it and try and change the facts in your head to make you feel better about it. Accept that you made a mistake, try to learn from it, and move on.

Continuing to obsess over it will only get you in more trouble.

Seesaw

I agree with several points here. Firstly, I see no relation of this to why you feel others are treated better. Perhaps you could provide example. Secondly, if you are getting so much negativity and comments towards yourself it is time you looked within and be honest with yourself. There does come a time when one must consider their own culpability in how others treat them in return. Yes, I am being the devis's advocate here but what is it you are doing to have such negative experiences.

Talk to a therapist. Be 100% honest with yourself. Make a commitment to change.

[Open Eyes]

From what I gather you tend to latch onto people and become too dependent on them. People don't like it when someone invades their space so much. People like to have boundaries and if you get into their space constantly you will end up getting them angry.

It seems from what I have read that you have no sense of boundaries.

[Nammu]

When there's a pattern of making friends and then they "all" leave you need to look at your own behavior and see what needs to change. The answer will only be found when you accept responsibility for your part in any relationship.

[eskielover]

Seriously, anytime you're officially prohibited from ever talking to someone again, there's a problem.

YOUR BEHAVIOR.

And if someone doesn't ever wanna see you again and won't acknowledge you, there's a problem.

YPUR BEHAVIOR

If someone doesn't miss you or care, there's a problem

YOUR BEHAVIOR

If someone goes out of her way to avoid you, it's WTF. Why?

YOUR BEHAVIOR

Anytime someone changes like that, I die inside.

Maybe you should work on CHANGING YOUR BEHAVIOR that has caused them to react to you in such a negative way. Everyone has to deal with negative CONSEQUENCES when they continue to behave in a bad way they have been warned about stopping but chose to ignore because they dont want to listen or change.

You commented in your other post that your OWN parents tried to teach you right from wrong & YOU CHOSE NOT to listen to them. Other people will only TOLERATE that crappy behavior for so long until they have ENOUGH & walk away because you won't STOP OR LISTEN. Your parents did you NO FAVIOR allowing you to get away with that intolerable behavior because you learned it was ok to them.....IT'S NOT OK TO THE REST OF TJE WORLD. You are living in the rest of the world NOW & whether you have ASD, it is NO EXCUSE for not doing what you are told no matter when you are told it....it is NOT OK & what you are experiencing is ALL THE CONSEQUENCES that came from your UNACCEPTABLE behavior when you chose to ignore your supervisor at work the same way you ignored yiur parents only work & friends arent yoyr family & they have no reason to tolerate YOYR BEHAVIOR when it is annoying & especially when it crosses boundaries.

You seem to be clueless no matter how many times you ate told. Honestly that is exactly why I left my husband also. That behavior most people dont want to tolerate & it is easier to leave the person than to deal with constantly fighting against their bad behavior.

I make friends easily but I never kept friends more than a few years. That applies to colleagues too. They ALL eventually walk out on me.

If you dont learn how to change YOUR BEHAVIOR, this will continue happening because you are the one who needs to change if you want people to stay in your life without getting fed up & walking away & if necessary take action to keep you away from them.

Apologies, for I haven't read every reply....I feel compelled to answer, because I have been in/am in a similar way to you. I'm a well meaning girl (MOST of the time) I am now in my early 40s, and am just coming round to facing the truth about the way I behave/treat others. I relate, and once could have posted this

I obviously dunno you/your situation, however, I have lost the good opinion of (sadly) most people who were once the closest to me. I have one nasty side n was stupid enough to think I c/should be forgiven for my ways, because I'm really a decent person...WRONG & I never saw it, I didn't have a clue. Now, I know I'm ok really, because, luckily, for the most part, I'm treated well.

It sounds like you have had a hard time...perhaps, as I do, you don't believe you deserve bad treatment, when it comes finds you (I'm not suggesting you do, btw) regrettably, in my world anyways, things do have a way of coming back.

Forgive the long post, I'm not sure it's helpful, but I really do understand n wanted to lend support. A wise woman who I have the good fortune of knowing advises, everything is connected, often more intricately so than we think x

[magicalprince]

Hey ruby, seems like you're feeling pretty alone... I don't know the back story but I'm sort of surprised about all the criticism you're receiving here, just in principle for a support forum.

For whatever reason you're experiencing this, clearly it's not an enjoyable thing to experience. I think sometimes even when you feel like you're being treated unfairly, the functional truth is that it keeps happening so it's important to put some serious consideration into the feedback you're getting. Maybe part of it is about showing some empathy to yourself, maybe you are wishing people would respect you more than deep down you are really respecting yourself. It seems like you're feeling like you don't have a lot of worth to others and maybe part of you is feeling really hurt or depressed about that. A lot of times it can be easy to depend on others to mirror a belief or a sense of self-worth that you struggle to validate internally for yourself, but that can make other people feel kind of used, too. Anyway, the way they are treating you is not the be-all end-all determinant of your worth, rather it's just feedback of how you have come off to others at certain times in the past and present. It's feedback on what you're doing, not who you are. Who you fundamentally are is someone who can grow and change and learn from these experiences to eventually have happier relationships. Nothing is set in stone here!

[All Is Revealed]

Wow, Ruby ...

I hope my post didn't offend you. It wasn't aimed at you ... it was an explanation as to why sometimes people can walk out on a friend (but from my perspective).

I see you as the victim here. When someone walks out on you without an explanation, they're the abusers. What's even worse is when you make time for friends, but they never make time for you. Or when suddenly they vanish into thin air when you need them. It sucks. It really does.

As to why other people are treated better than you ... It's because you need to be a little more demanding as a friend. Don't let other people walk all over you. No one is better than you. We are all equals. If you want to be treated like everyone else, command attention. Show everyone your true worth.

You can do it. I believe in you.

[Rose76]

"Commanding attention" is what got Ruby in trouble. People don't like to feel they are being "stalked." Why they feel that way has been thoroughly explained to Ruby. It's to the point, now, where there is the risk of police being called. So saying "WTF" like this is all out of the blue is very dishonest.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Rose76

"Commanding attention" is what got Ruby in trouble. People don't like to feel they are being "stalked." Why they feel that way has been thoroughly explained to Ruby.

Thank you for this. I was trying to think of a response. We have been plenty supportive of Ruby and continue to do so by telling her the truth instead of sugar coating it. Clearly some of us know the details of this story from the other thread. Others dont. But Ruby hasn't even replied to this thread so I don't know if she is even listening.

[Rose76]

Probably not.

Ruby, yes, DO explore this with your therapist. Let your therapist know how you are with people, friends and colleagues alike.

How do you interact with them? How do you try to form friendships and what is it that you think you may be doing that may cause them to sever all ties with you?

Based on your other thread, and as Open Eyes stated, I am guessing that it does have to do with your lack of respecting people's boundaries and personal space. Perhaps you are too invasive and too needy, looking for attention and acknowledgement in invasive ways.

Please do talk to your therapist about all of this. You need to identify what you are doing wrong that is turning people away from you.

(((((Hugs)))))))

[eskielover]

I work fast food and I’m the only one there with a caseworker. My supervisor already knows I have aspergers.

A quote from Ruby's other thread....depending where on the spectrum....it is not always easy to understand the neurotypical world we ALL live in. That is why is is SO IMPORTANT to listen & learn as much as possible from your T & case worker. They are there to help you can learn to change those behaviors that come from your ASD thinking that aren't acceptable in the neurotypical world. They are there to teach you, not just there for no reason.

I know that these changes in thinking are much more difficult than for neurotypical people & there are limitations that your T & case worker need to help you deal with. Right now you are basically just trying to figure out how to fit into the world around you & you need to learn from your mistakes. It's obvious from this post that you are still incapable of correlating the consequences of your behavior with the behavior you did to cause this situation you are complaining about in this post.

After living with an ASD husband for 33 years, I get this is difficult for the ASD mind to correlate.....but it is one of the key issues of getting along in a neurotypical world & ever hoping to have friends that stay around longer than a few years until they can no longer tolerate the behaviors.

It's NOT EASY & there is no ABSOLUTE solution but it is something you now know to be a problem you have & need to work on to the best of your ability & stop blaming others for the situations you find yourself in. Acknowledge your responsibility in these situations & work to improve yourself, not blame others.

[All Is Revealed]

Originally Posted by seesaw

Clearly some of us know the details of this story from the other thread.

We have many new members who don't know the details of the story from the other thread. I'm concerned with the question asked in this thread. I'm not concerned with the other thread. We have different threads to handle different questions.

Originally Posted by seesaw

Clearly some of us know the details of this story from the other thread. Others dont.

When the phrases "some of us know" and "others dont" is used in a post, it creates division between members. Please don't call out other members in your post.

[eskielover]

I'm concerned with the question asked in this thread. I'm not concerned with the other thread. We have different threads to handle different questions.

that works fine when the context of a specific thread is stand alone & isnt based on the context that comes from another thread. When we take anything out of context, chances that our response will not apply to the real context of what is being expressed either.

When a thread post leaves me wondering where did this thinking come from I always use the TOOLS this forum provides to search for other posts & threads by the OP so I can possibly get a better understanding of what is being referred to.
Even NEW members here are capable of using the tools provided to take the time to research the context which helps to provide a response that takes the context into consideration.

Many people run their thoughts from one thread to another so context is ALWAYS important in cases like that. We are ALL capable of using the tools available here on PC.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by All Is Revealed

We have many new members who don't know the details of the story from the other thread. I'm concerned with the question asked in this thread. I'm not concerned with the other thread. We have different threads to handle different questions.


When the phrases "some of us know" and "others dont" is used in a post, it creates division between members. Please don't call out other members in your post.

I didn't call anyone out. I merely stated a fact that some of us know the back story of this post and some dont, hence our feedback to the OP is going to be different. I did NOT call anyone out.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by eskielover

that works fine when the context of a specific thread is stand alone & isnt based on the context that comes from another thread. When we take anything out of context, chances that our response will not apply to the real context of what is being expressed either.

When a thread post leaves me wondering where did this thinking come from I always use the TOOLS this forum provides to search for other posts & threads by the OP so I can possibly get a better understanding of what is being referred to.
Even NEW members here are capable of using the tools provided to take the time to research the context which helps to provide a response that takes the context into consideration.

Many people run their thoughts from one thread to another so context is ALWAYS important in cases like that. We are ALL capable of using the tools available here on PC.

I frequently read an OP's other threads when I'm trying to understand what the situation is they are referring to, especially if they are new and I don't know a lot about them. Especially when the original post is somewhat mysterious and doesn't include any specific details.

I also look at their other threads when they say something worrisome to me and I want to see their other posts to get a better idea of how they're doing and how I can respond in a supportive way.

It's not necessary to read the OP's other threads to respond...but for those of us that have or did respond to other threads, we are able to provide different feedback.

Just like the people on here who know me and see me post a thread are able to give me more detailed feedback, which I appreciate, than those who haven't read a lot of my threads. Either way, I appreciate the perspective.

I hope Ruby will chime in soon and tell us how her current job is going and if she has started seeing a T and how that is going.

Seesaw

[LiteraryLark]

Looked at previous posts....OT only...I saw no connections with this thread...who is spinning who?

To the OP, I don't see any positives in comparing yourself to others...you're no one else but you. I would recommend promoting positive self-talk which will significantly boost your self esteem. I do know someone who is very clingy...would call me and call me and call me until I pick up at all hours of the day and night. Wake me up at night, wake me up first thing in the morning. She'd text me like crazy too. I literally had to change my phone number and block her on facebook just to make it stop. It wasn't healthy, even though I do think of her as a good person.