when is...

enough, enough

I am having a problem with my wife and the internet. She is dating others she's met on-line and it is very disturbing, she doesn't know I know and I don't know what I should do.

You should decide what you want to do. You need to at least talk to her about it, find out the whole story, see what she has to say about it, etc.

Sorry you are having this kind of problem Darke.

I guess what I would say is first and foremost you need to have communication between you and your wife. There must be some reason she feels the need to look for others to date on the net. Don't know if it's her issue or a problem within your marriage.

I guess I would do some good long and hard thinking about your relationship and see if you can come up with some idea of where you both stand. Do you talk to one another? Do you have a social life together? Do you share in the household chores? Do you both work outside the home? If not, is boredom setting in? Do you both have individual interests (aside from the internet) that you both pursue? Do you have the same interest in love making? Do you care for each other when ill?

Marriages are difficult at times. They take lots of work, compassion and understanding between both parties. It's very easy to get "off track" at times.

I hope you can start some kind of communication with your wife and have a heart to heart about what is going on. I wish you both well!

Hugsss
sabby

I agree that marriages take work, but from two people. If she were having a problem in our marriage dont you think it would have been up to her to come to me instead of just turning her back on me and doing what she is doing. My goodness you make it sound like I was the one doing the cheating. Like I am the bad guy in this situation. Not that it much matters what I say because from the PMs I have recieved I have been made out to sound like some kind of monster, like I would beat my wife or yell and scream at her, I am sick to death from this because I am living a lie and pretending that I haven't a clue what she is doing. I am absolutely heartbroken over this. And yet I still love her. Does anybody have a clue how much it hurts laying beside someone you love and not being able to get close to them? And on top of that I have to assume that it was something I did to drive her away from me. But without knowing me or her how could any of you presume to know anything about our lives so it was wrong for me to come here and post this question wasn't it!

Darke, I'm sorry my post upset you and made you feel like the villain. That wasn't my intent at all.

All I was saying was that communication is hard yet has to be worked at in a relationship. If both parties were able to do that then there wouldn't be a problem that couldn't be worked out.

Sometimes one partner needs to pick up the slack in that department and start the conversation. I don't know why your wife didn't come to you to discuss this with you.

Your original post did not say alot. So unfortunately, people do have to assume a little bit in order to respond. If you think we are barking up the wrong tree, then maybe a little more info from you would be helpful.

I do have a clue on how it hurts to lie next to the one you love and have no closeness or connection with them. You are the one assuming that you did something to drive her away, not I. I said in my post I didn't know if it was her issue alone that has made her go to the internet or a problem within your marriage...I did NOT assume it was you.

I can see that you are hurting. I can see that you are angry. I'm sorry that you are having to endure this stuff. I know it's not easy.

You don't have to live a lie Darke....you can tell her you know what is going on. Maybe that will open up some kind of dialoge between the 2 of you. Of course, it's completely up to you how you deal with it.

Again, Darke, I'm sorry that the responses were not exactly what you were looking for. If you are willing to work on the communication...please post again and let us know how you are, what you are feeling. I don't know what kind of pm's you received, but only with open communication can anyone help another.....we don't know if you don't say.

I do wish you well. Take good care of YOU.

Hugsss
sabby

Darke,

I'm sorry to hear about the problems you are having. In a perfect world you wife would be able to tell you she's feeling unattractive or neglected, or just bored.

Maybe she sees these internet dates as harmless entertainment (I am assuming that she has never met these people in real life.) I had a co-worker that viewed it this way. It did not make any sense to me, he was newly married, why would he be looking online for distractions when he's just gotten married. To him it was no different than a fantasy.

I would agree that you need to talk to your wife about this. I wish you the best.

I am very sorry you are going thru this. when you say dating do you mean as in she is actually going out with these guys? like in meeting them somewhere or online?
For me when I had had my fill of the crap I was in and only when I had had it did I leave. no one can tell you when enough is enough.
talk to her. communication is the key here. maybe get some marriage counseling to try to save the marriage if that is what you both want. again I am very sorry.

(((((((Darke))))))

You are hurt and angry and that is completely understandable. Sabby is a great friend and confidante and i can see looking in on this thread that she meant no harm. I was looking for attention on the internet (flirting) purely because I thought my
husband would rather watch porn and I felt unattractive, invisible, we weren't communicating and he didn't know how to help me. All of the above problems (apart from him using porn) where my low self esteem , no confidence and just feeling utterly deflated and unnoticed. I amnot saying you do any of the above in any way shape or form, I just want to explain why I was seeking male attention (my hubby thought I was more than flirting)It is my problem and the fact that I wanted him to be demonstrative and smothering me in affection which is not his nature.
We talked and sorted things although we are not perfect by any means yet, our relationship has improved.
Please try to talk to her, I feel your pain, you can pm me anytime if you want to. My hubby has cheated on me 18 months after marriage so I see both points of view I suppose.

Jinnyann xxx hugs

awww jinn yeah poor dave lol.
yeah i personally would talk to your her about it darke, i have to say i am guilty of seeking attention from other makes also. not on a dating site mind u, but still. to be honest i doubt it is for the same reason, because mine was that i needed a break from my boyfriend. he can be very difficult.
i know u must be very angry about what she is doing,but there must be a reason, and u must talk about it if u r to get anywhere
i wish u luck with this
self