Single again.... maybe for the rest of my life

TY. My gut is telling me it's a red flag. He's moving too fast, not me - my new male friend. I am trying to take my time with dating and not rush into anything right now. I am still trying to heal myself and get stable on my own two feet. The last thing I need is to rush into a relationship, so I am trying to avoid this. He knows this, but he's rushing things.

If someone is very lonely and moving far too fast, is this a red flag?

You're more than welcome.

What is he doing that is "rushing things" in your eyes? I mean is he calling/texting too much, that sort of thing?

I mean you're absolutely right, the goal should be to get a handle on your life and getting on your two feet, and I have to say I am proud of you for realizing this, and not falling head over heels by rushing right into it with him.

Yes it is. There are plenty of things one can do to ckbate loneliness that doesn’t involve rushing into a relationship

TY! I am really trying to correct my past mistakes!!! Argh.

He is texting frequently, he is telling me many times over what a good person he is, he is telling me that he is mine for the taking, he wants to get together a lot... then last night he told me he is very lonely..... just a lot of things adding up. I've told him I need to take things slowly and that I want friendship right now.

TY! I am really trying to correct my past mistakes!!! Argh.

He is texting frequently, he is telling me many times over what a good person he is, he is telling me that he is mine for the taking, he wants to get together a lot... then last night he told me he is very lonely..... just a lot of things adding up. I've told him I need to take things slowly and that I want friendship right now.

You both had a nice valentine’s date lined up and he couldn’t just slow down and wait for the date. This is not a good sign.

My suggestion to you today is be very busy today and barely respond to him. See him tomorrow for the V day date. Then this one will probably get the boot.

My gut instinct, though cynical, tells me he is trying to seal the deal with you prior to V day. Why? Suspicious of his motives or he is not too smart.

Hi Deb, I think I get you...questioning and comparing, trying to understand why we'normalish' types seem to overlooked, or averagish type.
I think we can flip this around though, we can guess all sorts of things about why other people are partnered up, and not us. But, whats glaringly obvious is that looks are not what make it happen. Face it, we live in a time where all of our old fashioned ideas don't get us what we need and want, dating is about putting yourself out there, knowing and being proud of who you are, and hopefully looking for the person who likes you for who you are too. AmIright?
Listen to me, miss too scared to date for myself but handing out advice to others like I know all about it.
I have been watching though, and I can see that the people who take the time to build themselves up won't waste a minute with someone who isn't good for them, and they can see them right away too. It used to take me a long time before I would finally realize that this was not for me, and was toxic. But, I am working on pulling myself together, not because I hope for a good relationship for once in my life, but because I am hurt too much by the way it's been.

Good advice! Thanks Divine. You do get these gut feelings.

Yeah, he may be trying to seal the deal before V Day. Last night I was pretty firm in my stance about slowing everything down and just getting to know each other as friends. I will try to be busier and respond less quickly.

He is yours for the taking? After one date? He doesn’t even know you.

He could be lonely of course but he likely knows that women fall for this kind of stuff all the time. You can’t possibly know what he is really doing. You already said he has a good character but you dont even know him and now he acts like a creep. Ive met ton of men who pretty much professed undying love after one date. Either creepy and insecure or manipulators. They were not getting a second date from me. I’d not see him anymore.

Btw If you don’t want someone to text you frequently, don’t reply frequently . He can also say he texts frequently because you do.

Sorry, I had bad feelings about other two and now this one. This will not end well

I am going to weigh heavily with this comment because I think it's right on point. This does sound like what he is doing, and telling you everything you want to hear is the trap men use time and time again because they think we are too stupid to know better, or just as needy as them that we need it.

I agree with others have said, and to make yourself less available today. I am getting a bad feeling about this Valentine's Day date tomorrow, I know you are dead set on going, but if you were supposed to meet a bunch of people at that music event, can you just skip the dinner and meet him there with everyone else in attendance?

Just a thought.

I just want you to have that lousy V day date already! Lol. At this rate, this will blow up and you’ll end up not going.

You know.. that's not a bad suggestion. Just skip the dinner altogether and meet up separately for the band. That would certainly send the message..... it feels like too much pressure to get together on V day now for a dinner.. like he has expectations around this.

Yeah, please think about it. I mean its not like you're IGNORING him in any way at all. Just putting a buffer there, you know like this:

Haha, laugh about it too! I mean you're in the driver's seat in this situation, you have your head on straight, and your heart in the right place. You want it to slow down, then girl, slow it the heck down! Just meeting up with everyone at the event and skipping the dinner might give him the message.

LOL! Hahhaaa... you all are too funny!!!

You're making me laugh!

I just texted him saying let's skip on a V-day dinner and meet up at the band. I think spending solo time on V day is sending the wrong message, given that he likes me and wants more. So this is definitely the best solution.....

...and just like that!

I am glad we could make you laugh Eve, you totally deserve it! I mean yeah, go with your gut on that one. The solo thing with him would have been great if he wasn't being like pushy, or needy about it.

Hey, you can still have fun with him and everybody else at the music event. So win/win on Valentine's Day for you either way.

What old fashioned ideas are you referring to?

What old fashioned ideas are you referring to?

He's not playing by the rules by even having this Wednesday date. He does appear to be moving fast. "Needy" men are that "selfish" catagory that OE's post about daughters of narcissist fathers discusses.

Imokay said old fashioned ideas didn’t get her dates and being more proactive does. IDK the last time I dated was the early 90’s and I was in my 20’s.

I’ll tell you one new fashioned idea I don’t like, it’s this constantly texting. Honestly, I find that super manipulative. It’s like someone is invading your space and wanting to know where you are, who you are with, and what you are doing every minute. I sure wouldn’t do this if I were single. My h and I don’t do it now. If you already talked about everything over text there’s no mystery and you run out of conversation before you even have the date.