How to manage jealousy?

Hi, I've long suffered from a jealousy side but not resulting in rage or anger but more worthlessness. I tend to get jealous of other women more than anyone. I'm not sure why but I do know I had issues with my mom growing up.

When I was younger.... I would get jealous of girls who had boyfriends or girls who were popular, girls who did well in school and girls who got to go on fun trips etc. I always felt like the best loser female ever

Then as an adult, it got somewhat better because I started to distance myself from people. Then I had a few crushes and got the typical jealousy of others talking to them and when they laugh or whatever, it was the worst. I go very jealous of a female friend a few years back who got to meet a singer I really liked. I still get jealous of women who have boyfriends, even though a relationship isn't something I want.

Now in therapy, I've unfortunately allowed myself to become very attached and am jealous of the people he works with, both men and women... because they get to be with him every day, and of the friends he has and gets to hang with and now, I've become jealous of a female client that has something in common with me that I found out about. I told him how I felt, he was kind and very nice with his reply but I still am having a desire to feel special. I don't want to be like all the other clients... and I'm feeling terrible about myself. He's gonna replace me or forget me or abandon me. He knows all those issues but ugh, it's not going away.

The anxiety sometimes takes its toll on my mind and I can't stop obsessing and becoming more jealous and more worthless feeling. I am sick of this life long issue, and no idea how to end it, any advice? Please?

Ugh. When you find an answer to this let me know. I get jealous like this in very similar ways. I have yet to figure out how to better manage it except to keep myself at a distance at times.

I don't know why, maybe something seemingly unrelated going on in my life, but reading this Pure O came to mind. Is your therapy geared to addressing your obsessive and intrusive thoughts which lead to your feeling less than?

Yeah, I don’t do jealousy. I will do what ever it takes to avoid it. I will get away from the thing that is making me feel jealous. It’s a very unpleasant feeling I don’t choose to have.

I wonder too if this is about you feeling 'less than' or worthless. It's good you are discussing this with your therapist and he is supporting you through this, in fact It's an ideal opportunity to work through those feelings in a safe place.

Maybe it's because you feel like you're not being validated or acknowledged for who you are and for what you've done in life, and so the jealousy is a kind of resentment towards those who you feel aren't validating you. I don know, just putting that out there.

The OCD thing, maybe but I've never brought up my obsessive thoughts. He's suggested doing journaling for anxiety and I do but it doesn't help.

It's definitely about me feeling less than or worthless. Before I found out about this thing with the other client, I felt great about "us" and I felt special. Then it hit me and I suddenly felt like I was being replaced and just could not believe he hated me etc..... I emailed him about it and he replied really kindly but the feelings of jealousy are still there. In fact I'm planning to tell him the thing we did every week that I looked forward to most and now he does with her... that I no longer want to. He can have that with her instead.

I've just always been the type to bow out of things. I'm surely not worth it anymore than someone else... so I might as well let them have things. I'm not really sure therapy will help though, I have too many things going on and we don't spend a ton of time on the jealousy.

Jealousy for me is often unfounded. I have a vivid imagination and create scenarios in my head that aren't even true. I am basically insecure. I am learning to control my emotions by talking about what I'm thinking and asking myself if that could really be true or am I just feeling less than, that old black hole in me that is never quite full. Yes, I had a bad daddy. Is that why I'm insecure and jealous? Maybe. But I'm an adult now, however childhood stuff has never gone away for me. When I get jealous it is all consuming. I try and talk it out with my partner. I wish I was more help. It's a terrible feeling.

I've found that when therapy starts to feel hard is when the breakthroughs are about to occur.
I can certainly appreciate how within 50 minute sessions it's near impossible to cover everything.
And I can appreciate also if therapy isn't geared towards a specific disorder or piece of the puzzle it can feel ineffective and be ineffective.

I was searching in the pc archives to see if I could find anything relevant. I stumbled upon both these articles. Not sure if they'll be of any help.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/8-ways...ousy-and-envy/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/uneart...f-toxic-shame/

I had the worst jealousy all my life. It started in childhood with my sisters, then just developed in strength when I began dating. I believe it stems from feelings of worthlessness, lack of self esteem and confidence.
When I had children, it was even worse. I was lonely, held down by responsibilities and had a lot of time on my hands to think. It began with intrusive thoughts that I just couldn't shake and was so painful. I would lay in bed and start arguments with my ex because of thoughts of him with his exes and so on.

I went into therapy for my anxiety and obsessive thoughts and began taking pristiq. I haven't had that jealousy pain in a long time now.
The help with my anxiety stopped me from fearing to go and do things that I wanted to do, following my goals and generally leaving the house. When I wasn't so down on myself, it got so much better. The pristiq helped amazingly with this also. I believe pristiq is used to treat OCD as well so I think that played a HUGE part.

I wish you all the best in overcoming the jealousy, I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone!!

Maybe you should try a therapy that is geared toward helping your intrusive thoughts and learning coping skills. Distress tolerance is something you would learn in DBT.