Missing emails from the old married ex boyfriend...

Since I declined to see my old high school flame, who now lives in Boston, a prominent lawyer, happily married, though we have emailed almost daily for several years, he has ceased writing to me.
I did write to him telling him of my mother's recent cancer diagnosis, and that I am caring for her in my home now. I got a nice reply from him, to which I responded, but no messages from him since then.
I am feeling lonely and abandoned. Last night I had another of the recurring "abandonment" dreams of him, which I've had all my adult life. These are recurring dreams, and I have learned to deal with them.
Still, I feel the strong compulsion to write to him, though in his last (and final) email to me he mentioned that there were reasons he chose not to write anymore. I suspect it has a lot to do with my refusal to see him this last time he was down here in my area recently.
I know this is all because of the trauma I'm experiencing right now, caring for my mother in her last days, and needing to communicate with loved ones. At the same time, I also remind myself that this man is not my partner, never has been, never would have been, no matter what he has said about his feelings for me.
Patty

Oh, Patty, I'm so sorry. We're here, but I understand that's not the same.

Hi Patty,

we don't know each other yet but i wanted to let you know how very sorry i am about your mom. A couple of years ago, i was in a similar situation.
As far as this man, it seems to me that he is "just pouting" because you turned him down? You deserve so much better than that.
Take care of yourself -for yourself and you mom-

Bettina

we are here for you... not the same... but we care....

Hi Patty,

I know that when I was in the same situation as you, I did have my husband around to talk to about what I was going through, but the horrible trauma with the ID theft & the scarry situation with the home care person let me realize just what a jerk my husband really was...no better than an outsider giving me a look like I was completely crazy when I told him what was going on around me.

It's really the need to talk to someone who understands & really cares for how you are feeling & then be able to give you some mental & emotional relief from the situation you are in......I think that is more the reason why you are really wanting to communicate with him right now. I know that was how I was feeling when going through that. I had a great psychologist that actually was the only help I got with being able to talk about everything & even they couldn't give me the listening & talking I needed.

I hope you can sort everything out in your mind....but it's tough because wanting to share that emotional situation with someone close is going to be there.

You will be able to get through it, but it will be tough,
Debbie

Thanks to all of you, dear friends.
I know what you are saying is true, and I am truly grateful for you kindness and compassion in this matter.
Today, I managed not to think about it, and I suspect it will be easier as time passes. This had to happen eventually.
Love to all of you,
Patty

Not to be a downer...you did mentioned him being "happily married"...maybe his marriage is not so happy any more...maybe his wife has seen the correspondence as innocent as it may seem...probably wouldn't make her happy...

I understand the abandonment...it is hard to let someone in...and when you do it is a great loss...Now the wall has probably grown higher to let someone in...

It does sound all so confusing...

Probably not a good idea though to write again...don't you think?

Direction said, "Probably not a good idea though to write again...don't you think? "
He has said all along that his wife was aware of our communication, and was okay with it, and that she also corresponds with old flames. I have to admit that this is something that would cause me much concern were I married, but he had assured me they are happy, and that he would "never leave her."
At the same time, I have, over these many years, used this contact in place of a "real" relationship, and before he visited down here when I declined to see him again, I told him this. He apologized for having caused this, and I am thinking this is why he refrains from writing again.
When I did see him while he was here a couple of years ago (alone), it caused me a flurry of emotions, since our visit stirred up a lot of romantic feelings with kisses and deep discussions. I told him I couldn't handle that again.
So...that is where it remains, and I am probably better off...don't you think!?
Patty

((((((((((( Patty )))))))))))

My first reaction to this situation with him not wanting any more contact was that he was being completely selfish. It sounds like he wants more out of your relationship than you are willing to give. So, because he can't have his cake and eat it too, he's taking his toys home and won't play anymore. *sigh*

If he were a true friend (one without expectations of anything more than friendship from you) he would not have abandoned you in your time of need. I think he showed his true colors Patty....I'm sorry

I defintely agree you are better off without him. You have enough to deal with right now that is stressful. You don't need a man who puts conditions on a relationship with you...friends or otherwise.

xoxoxox
sabby

Sabau said, " I think he showed his true colors Patty....I'm sorry ."
I have thought this myself, but I don't like feeling this way since he has been such a mainstay for so many years. Instead, I am thinking he is doing this to free me so I can get on with life...I don't know.
LOve
Patty

It sounds like he was using you. Maybe he was looking for a quickie? Imagine how much worse you would feel if you had agreed to a meeting before he abandoned you?