So lonely glued to internet

Today I was on Plenty of Fish, Tinder, and Ashley Madison all at the same time. I am so lonely I am looking for anything. When you go your whole life without anyone to count on you get desperate.

I was married at one point but he was never there, don't remember even getting birthday gifts, slept together maybe once every two years. I just always seem to get treated badly by men.

I know this is wrong but I would settle for crumbs from married men. It is even better than what I have EVER gotten from anyone. I am in a deep depression, where all day long I can't even bear to live. I sign and moan thinking about it and how my life is empty.

I go on dating sites too when I'm lonely. I'm not really looking for anybody in particular but like chatting. I am sorry to hear you are depressed too. I'm also depressed now. I don't think looking for a man while you are depressed is good though. It is better to sleep or go out and do things on your own an enjoy yourself while you can.


The current man I met is from a online dating site. I was not expecting anything special from him but he messaged me and we started talking. He talks so much that I just listen most of the time. He is nice and supportive of my illness. I told him about it after he told me about his illnesses. We both understand and empathize with each other. Thus, you never know who you are going to meet and when. I'd say just keep your options open and don't settle for married men anymore. I've been there too and can say single men have more to offer. They have more time and have more interests. And,as for my new man, he and I have not talked about sex or anything related to sex. We just talk about each other.And, he likes to talk about politics so I'll just listen when he talks.


I diverge about your issues. Yes, try to sleep or just do things to keep yourself busy while depressed. Going to a dating site while depressed may be distracting for awhile but if you are truly looking for a good man who is single, you need to take care of yourself and not sound so needy. I should know about sounding needy because I am. May be, you and I are both needy. We don't need to sound needy though to men we like. Also, sex should not be an issue from the beginning but may be discussed later. If a man starts talking about sex initially, then this is all he wants. Just, block them and keep looking for someone who is caring and supportive rather than a user.

I know the pain of being lonely too. The only reason I have not done the same as you is because I'm terrified of it going wrong and am not interested in casual sex (I have to love the guy before putting out basically), so I pretty much do the opposite of you and completely isolate myself. I don't really have any advice for you, just wanted to tell you that you're not alone in feeling so lonely (as ironic as that may be).

I am sorry you are lonely. Those might not be the best sites to be on as they won’t elevate loneliness. Ashley Madison is for married cheaters. You don’t want to end up in a bad situation. It could be dangerous hooking up with married men as some wiives will make your life he$$ if they find out. Not worth it

I know this is your thread but wanted to tell you I feel better now by just going out and watching people while I was eating lunch. For some reason, I felt peace and enjoyed watching others enjoy themselves. I hope you feel better soon. Depression is sometimes influenced by our situations. Thus, we can try to alleviate our depression by doing things that make us happy. I do small things in my life to make myself happy. Of course, it does not always work but trying to find out what makes you happy while doing things alone might help you feel less lonely. I wish you well!!

Volunteer work can be very rewarding and a chance to interact with others.

Do you have a friend you can meet for tea or coffee?

IRL support groups are also great, too. I found my weekly bipolar support group on Meetup and DBSA and NAMI have meetings, too.

Or even a social club or a book club ... Meetup dot com is a good resource (and your local library and bookstores for local book clubs).

Not judging, but I was wondering why you specially are seeking male companionship right now? Some women get along better with men, which is fine!

That said, you might be at risk for getting involved in an unhealthy situation (relationship?) via Tinder, Ashley Madison, etc.

Perhaps exploring with a therapist how you are feeling may be helpful.

I also had an abusive marriage and it takes time to process it and heal. I personally feel like a person doesn’t need to “wait” if they meet someone they want to date - but let it happen naturally.

I met my S.O. when I wasn’t “looking,” just putting yourself out there socially via a group, etc., sounds positive, IMO/IME.

Someone important to me told me that just because a person is alone doesn’t always equate loneliness. He lived alone until his mid-30s (subsequently married late 30’s). He said it takes getting used to but can be a positive experience.

Be kind to yourself - take care. =]

DanceEngine,

I truly understand your loneliness and feelings of desperation.

I, too, went through a very long depressive period whereby I met my ex fiance. I was both lonely and desperate for affection and love... I was living at home with my parents (as a 40-something adult), I had lost my independence, I was working in a horrible, awful job with an abusive boss, and my life was a mess... I was a mess... I was not happy whatsoever, I was very depressed, and I looked to a man to solve my problem and fill the void I felt. The WRONG man, at that. My judgement was seriously impaired because I was so desperate for love... from anyone!

And, boy, was that ever the biggest mistake of my whole life, getting involved with my ex fiance!!!! I regret it to this day and am still angry at myself for ever getting involved. He hurt me more than anyone ever has, and it turned out to be a very toxic relationship for me.

Thing is, men cannot solve our loneliness OR depression. They simply act as a temporary band aid, but they are not the real solution -- most especially married men. When you leave them, you go home and are back to feeling lonely, sad and depressed.

Truth is --- we cannot depend on another person for our happiness or fulfillment in life. We have to do this for ourselves, all on our own. It is a mistake in life to believe that another person will fill the void within ourselves and within our lives.

You've got to find a way to solve the loneliness and depression through other means. A relationship, an affair, a hookup... none of these things are the solution.

I'd love to see you doing other, healthier things for yourself to help improve your life and state of mind.

People here keep giving you great suggestions, but you keep looking to men for the solution..... including married men...... you're never going to solve the problem if you keep barking up the wrong tree.

And I say this with great compassion.

Here's an article that I wrote for my Happiness Blog which may help you: it touches upon exactly that -- that you cannot look to another person/man/relationship for your happiness --

https://happinessblog.net/how-to-be-happy-single/

Yes, I know my depression is caused by my situation. If I had some friends to count on and more things in my life to fill it with I would not be depressed like this. I am also stuck looking at my parents all day which make me want to put a gun to my head! I do try and work out everyday. I also need to go back to church. I feel as if I can't do anything or go anywhere because my parents "will look at me and see" I hide everything i do. I can't take it anymore.

Your first paragraph sounds just like me! I just read your blog. thank you!

You're welcome.... hope the article helped. I do understand where you are at.. I get it since I've been there, in a very similar, yet slightly different kind of way.

Hugs to you.

I'm also an internet addict, lonely, but not on dating sites. I just wanted you to know you are not alone in your loneliness. It is understandable you would want to escape by finding the attention of a man. Please be careful and take care of yourself. Don't let anyone mistreat you.

I am sooo sorry with what you are going through and I can totally relate to this situation.

Hobbies help, but, people, they don't help if you are experiencing loneliness for a looooooong time. I have a tone of hobbies which I practice alternating them, but still inside me there is an empty space for human devotion, that never gets filled no matter how many hobbies I have... humans need other humans devotion and affection.

"I know this is wrong but I would settle for crumbs from married men."

Why married men? is there something that men that are willing to be deceitful and cheat on their wives have that single and available men don't?