With all the problems I am having with the father of my coming child, I am REALLY finding it hard to not become bitter towards dating at all in the future.

Some of you probably have been reading my posts and know he is an irresponsible, selfish jerk.

I question now what I ever saw in him.

How does one go about keeping in check and not becoming totally bitter?

[bebop]

by trying to realize that not all men are like that. most are not like that at all. but none of them are perfect.

bebop,

you are absolutely right, I know you are. Its just hard not to get clouded when you have had so many bad relationships all in a row.

I need to remind myself of the few GREAT relationships I have had with men.

Perhaps some men can answer my thread to assure me that they are not all irresponsible, careless jerks?

PLEASE NOTE I am not trying to generalize, because I KNOW not all men are like this. I am just caught up in bitterness at the moment and finding it hard to point out good men in my life.

Maybe I need more good male friends?

[seeker1950]

Yes, Rainbowzz, it sure is easy to feel cynical about men.
I have refrained from meeting and dating anyone for over three years now.
But today, let me tell you, while at the hospital with my Mom who is dying of cancer, I was very impressed with the male nurse who attended to her! He even made a point of telling me his age and his history and that he's single. I doubt that this was any kind of invitation, but he was very kind, and so I am thinking, "Hey, maybe there ARE good men out there!"
Don't give up, hon!
Patty

[LMo]

((( rainbowzz ))) I agree - good male friends can definitely restore faith. I don't know what I would have done without mine when I was going through my divorce. they really balanced things out for me.

hang in there

[Perna]

". . .hard to not become bitter towards dating at all in the future."

That is how. It's the future and you can't know what it will bring. Focus your anger (bitter isn't "worth" much) on the behavior of the present guy and how to recognize it in the future should another guy act in a similar (not "same" because it won't be the same guy) manner. Think of what you have learned, here in the present, and figure out a plan for possible action if you come across such behavior in the future. That's what anger is for, to help us orient and plan so we avoid situations we haven't liked previously :-)

[LMo]

good post as always, Perna!

[lenjan]

I have almost all male friends IRL, and I'm madly, seethingly bitter to the core about the (insert favorite three expletives here) who ruined my life. I wish you the best in trying not to end up that way.

[Fuzzybear]

Everyone has great advice.

Perna, you are right, bitter really doesn't get me anywheres and ISIN'T worth much at all.

Feeling a bit better about the whole situation though I am most certainly not going to be looking to jumping into anything for a long, long time. I need to find some good male friends who I can bond with and re-establish what makes a good male in my life and what I would be looking for in the first place.

I was very bitter towards my ex husband and it was affecting my life in a very negative way for many years, and then this little old lady said to me that no matter what I do I cannot change him he is what he is and you have to accept that to be able to move on, I did and have and although you will hear me joke about the 'ex' it really is not with bitterness I can deal with him now regarding the children without my day being ruined.....I will still rant for a while but once its out I am over it.

Trish.

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Rainbowzz said:
I need to find some good male friends who I can bond with and re-establish what makes a good male in my life

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">My male therapist helps fill this role for me. It has been very healing! It has just helped so much to have an ongoing relationship (even though it is a professional one) with a man who is nice to me. Helps a lot after 20 years of the opposite of that from my spouse.

[LMo]

I agree - my ex-husband was my only adult relationship at the time we divorced, and I half expected the general male population to think the way he did. Power-dating (or rebounding, or "my seek and destroy mission", as one of my friends called it) along with confiding in my male friends went a really long way in opening myself up to the fact that every man is different. It really helped to have so many perspectives other than the one I thought I was locked into.

[agony007]

((rainbowzz)),, bebop is right, couldn't say it better myself.. good luck with everything