Help....

I just want the pain to stop. I feel like I am being ripped apart and there is nothing I can do. I feel like I am losing the best thing in my life and I cannot figure out why. I am not a perfect person, but I love her perfectly. She is my everything. I am not planning on doing anything on Thanksgiving. I cannot face my family or be around her because the only emotion I can show is saddness. I feel like I cannot help her and that makes me sad. I feel like I am not a good father and that makes me sad. I feel like my family will look at me and think "Gosh two marriages down the toilet, what a failure." and that makes me sad.I almost want to become a hermit and just be by myself (something I have always been afraid of until now). I just don't know what to do anymore, I have tried and failed, I have tried again and failed again. It seems like every step I take I making the wrong step and the thin ice is about to break under my weight. I am at a loss.

(((((((((((((((dragon)))))))))))))))

It's only been a few weeks, I know it seems a lifetime hon. You will get there, these blips are common, you will be up and down. It is still early days really, more time is needed, for your wife to be sure, dont rush her, you are not a failure by any means, you are having a bad day is all, sending hugs and care your way, tomorrow you will feel differently, you're a good man with nothing but good intentions, she will see in the end, just try and be patient, I know it's easier said then done.....

chin up babe, things will get better....

Jinny xxxx

hon please don't stay by yourself today. trust me no one is going to think you a failure. those that fail are the ones that stop trying.

Are you still going to counseling with your wife?

Hang tough Dragon. If ya can't handle the whole Thanksgiving thing you could drop in after the meal, have some leftovers, stay as long as you can be comfortable. You may be suprised. Your family is probably worried about you, not thinking bad of you. If you are like me you are probably being harder on yourself than anyone else is. Give them the chance to support you. If its too hard, you can always leave. Don't be alone today man.

Last night was really rough for me I was dealing with a lot of things. Bebop we have not gone since the passing of my wife's grandmother up north she just got back into town and with the holidays the pastor was out of town. I have my next appt with my T on wed and I hope it goes well he is a very kind man and very religious which means a lot to me. Thank you for the kind words.

Dragon

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
It seems like every step I take I making the wrong step

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">From everything you've written, it doesn't sound like that is true at all. You have taken many positive steps--getting your anger under control, starting to see a therapist for yourself and working on your problems with CBT, seeing a couples counselor with your wife. You are doing so much!

Hang in there, dragonphoto. The thing you can do to help is be patient. Give yourself and your wife time to make some progress in your couples therapy. Try not to withdraw from your kids. They need you. It is hard for them to not be with their Dad on holidays (and other days too!). When you withdraw, they don't think "dad is hurting right now and is too sad to be with us", but instead "dad doesn't love us anymore or care about us." That's just a kid's viewpoint. Please call your family today and wish them a happy Thanksgiving. It will mean so much to them, especially your kids. It will also be important to them to know that mom and dad at least talked to each other on Thanksgiving.

((((((((((((( dragon ))))))))))))))

Sorry I didn't see your post until tonight.

I'm sorry you are feeling so down and out right now. Please know that from what I see, you are doing all the right things to the best of your ability.

You have to remember this, the problems that arose in your marriage happened over a period of time. It wasn't something that happened one week....they took their toll over time. It is logical to believe that even though you have changed and are working on becoming a better person...it will take time to create a new life for you and your family with you. There are adjustments to be made, feelings to resolve and trust to grow once again. This does not happen in a day, a week or even a month. It takes time....sometimes many months for one to actually see that the changes you have made are made for good...and not just for the short run to get your wife and family back.

I'm praying for you.....for you to find your patience and your strength to get through all of this in the best way possible. Please take good care of YOU!

Hugssss
sabby