Names

Boundaries. I hear that a lot. I'm learning a lot about it.

I am in therapy. Mostly for dealing with emotions that are subdued from losing my brother 2 years ago. Grief therapy and some guidance in recognizing emotions.

My T said that what he did was really disrespectful and that I should trust my feelings more.

Thanks for what you said.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your brother.

(((((ohmydaisy)))))

My grandma had an expression, “Even a cat can make trouble”. My thoughts on your OP, before anyone else responded were that it’s just a cat, he may have liked that it was the same name as the former cat because it reminds him of the past, but the ex is deceased, she’s not coming back, so let him have (pun intended) the familiar.

If he obviously pines for the ex and constantly makes you feel inferior, that’s something to take issue with. But who cares what he calls the cat?

It didn’t cross my mind that it was disrespectful in any way to you.

I think what would have been nice from him is not that he just shared but that but expressed some empathy for how it made you feel, instead of asking if you thought it was weird, being up front and saying something to show his understanding that he knew it might be a contentious thing.

I would honestly do what you can to show your appreciation that he was honest with you but that it would be nice if it were expressed more compassionately sometimes.

Hope this helps.

That's a funny expression lol. I've never heard it before.

You're right. The deceased ex isn't coming back, that's not the fear or anything. It's just that because we have had this open and honest relationship, sometimes it's a bit much. I hear about her more than I'd like sometimes.

I don't believe he's pining for her. Her death anniversary was a few weeks ago and this cat thing was a weird coincidence thing. I told him to take the weekend for himself to let him have his feelings with her death anniversary. (We sort of argued about it because he said he only needed a few hours and I pushed him to take the weekend. And honestly, I didn't want to be around when his mind is thinking of her and he feels guilt with his past and present.)

Looking at it black and white, you're right. It's just a name and it's just a cat. I just know for myself that I wouldn't feel right naming a pet I'd come to love that is any way associated with my ex.

I agree. When he gets uncomfortable, he apparently goes to anger. Which is a new thing we've talked about. I don't like being cussed at and getting snapped at for expressing something because it makes me retreat and undo all the progress I've had in therapy.

Me being upset over this has decreased since he opened up about his anger issues and his discomfort.