being rough healthy?

My partner and i like to be pretty rough with one another when were messing around, not to go into huge details..but. Thats it, but what i dont understand is i am terrified of being taken advantage of by guys, not my boyfriend, because obviously...he wouldnt do that...but....just in general. So i dont understand why we like to be rough with one another, yet I have a fear? Is this healthy? He says that he doesnt like it to go beyond a certain point because then he does feel like hes taking advantage of me, and so, we dont but...im just confused i guess...thanks to anyone who bothers listening *giggle* it was just on my mind. Thanks.

The question is how do YOU feel about it? I can give you my experience but it is going to be totally different for you because we lived different lives. But here goes, I will do it anyway. Just take it with a grain of salt.

For a long time the only way I could enjoy sex was if it was rough. The pain would keep me present. It kept me from dissociating. But after awhile even that didn't work. I discovered that I was replaying over and over again the abuse that I took as a child. I deserve to be hurt because I was bad and wanting sex was bad and feeling good was bad and the list could go on and on. To be touched gently gave me the creeps. I ended up avoiding sex at all costs because no matter what we did it would end up with me feeling bad and hurting myself afterwards.

So for me being rough was not healthy. It started as a cover up for other pain then ended up being a problem in itself. Is this the way for you? I don't know. Ask yourself how it makes you feel. Is it a cover up or just fun and games?
Zen

<font color=blue>that I would be good even if I did nothing, that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down, that I would be good if I got and stayed sick, that I would be good even if I gained 10 pounds-- Alanis Morissette

No there is never any pain involved actually, its more just control i guess. Id have to say ive been abused in the past a few times, i guess you would consider it abuse....ive been harassed and assaulted, and maybe thats why. Thats why i think it may not be healthy for me...but he never hurts me, and believe me its not S+m or whatever its called. Its more like a game...but sometimes it bothers me....dunno still confused.

If it bothers you at all then it is pretty safe to say you shouldn't be doing it.
Zen

<font color=blue>that I would be good even if I did nothing, that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down, that I would be good if I got and stayed sick, that I would be good even if I gained 10 pounds-- Alanis Morissette

This can be what is contributing to your bladder problems that you spoke of in one of your posts, it does happen from irritation due to the short "neck" of the women's urethra as oposed to "lucky" men.
"darkeyes"