Passive aggressive

When my husband and I did counseling, my husband would tell the counselor that I was passive aggressive.
I get it, I AM passive aggressive. However I don’t think I’ve always been this way, honestly, I’m pretty sure I was not. But over the course of our marriage, not being able to communicate with him, it’s difficult.
I don’t know how to address this. I’m told in my own counseling, that when I need to tell him how something makes me feel, to just tell him.
When I tell him how I feel, he turns it around.

An example most recently, I asked him to come to our room so I could talk to
Him not in front of the kids. Now I was not angry with him, and was only asking him to go in there because I personally know when we talk it can go south very quick even the simplest conversations.

He says to the kids oh daddy’s in trouble.
That threw me off of what I was even going to say to
Him initially. So it has now turned into how that just made me feel.
I explained that I had no intention of “getting upset” and was only wanting to tell him that I wanted him to come with me to the store and then afterwards we put up Christmas decorations together. I told him that really hurt that he did that in front of the kids, making me look like a bad guy, because ultimately our kids see us fight constantly and it’s not a good portrayal of a healthy relationship.
He immediately turned around and said well I don’t feel like I can make decisions. Is there a chart or something that tells me what decisions I can make.

This is a constant thing with him, he’s done it since the beginning of our relationship. I tell him how something makes me feel, and his reaction is always that wasn’t my intention. In some cases I get a I’m sorry, but any I’m sorry is always followed up with I’m sorry you took it that way it wasn’t my intention.

Is there a word for this type of behavior? And does anyone know if this is normal for someone to push a person to become passive aggressive.
We have really poor communication. He doesn’t like to talk about feelings, but it seems he talks to others about his feelings.

I'm so sorry you're struggling, Idontknowwhy234 I agree with you that he's not behaving in the best way. This doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship. I would propose couple counselling, but you said it didn't work... did you learn anything from it? I'm sorry he's not treating you with the respect and love you need and deserve. If anything, from what he wrote, he sounds like the one who's passive agressive. If it continues to be like this, and he doesn't want to change, I think you may want to reconsider your marriage with him. It doesn't sound like a good situation, neither for you or the kids. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this

Why did couple's counseling end? When your H would mention his perception of you being passive aggressive what did your counselor say and suggest? Telling the kids 'oh daddy's in trouble' seems passive aggressive in and of itself, why is he giving the very behavior that he raised concern about? I know that you cannot answer for him, pointing out the hypocrisy of it all. What parent couple doesn't have "come into the other room we need to talk" moments especially around holidays and birthdays? Was he trying to get them to think it had nothing to do with these events?
Life is too short for such inner home hostilities. Do you have date nights and do things to rekindle the bond and connection?

Your behaviour does not sound passive aggressive. People who are pa do not express their feelings openly. They either don’t express them in a straight manner or they do so aggressively.

Could it be possible that you changed in counselling but your husband didn’t?

His feelings are not your responsibility, only how you react to them. Have you considered a strategy to follow if he does not change?

"I'm sorry you took it that way" is not taking responsibility for hurting your feelings. The proper thing for him to say is "I am sorry I hurt your feelings" or "I am sorry that I hurt you". That's taking responsibility. He's making you responsible for being hurt, which is called blame shifting and is a verbal/emotional abuse tactic.