What is wrong with someone like this?

i did that test out of curiousity and i am 1.83 darker than average.

Does it matter why he does it? Are you trying to understand why so you can convince him to stop? Or just curious?

I got 3.7.

i am ranting really. he has many good qualities. i would like it to stop. he asked to go for coffee today but i said no. i am exhausted i have an illness which causes great fatigue. too tired to listen to that. He is not a bad person though

I would be somewhat curious too. i saw something called responsibility ocd but is more about not wanting to hurt others

Everyone has good qualities. But yeah, seems like the best thing for you to do is simply take a break from him for a while.

I don't think it's OCD. Highly conscientious people might overstep a lot of boundaries because they're trying to be helpful, but they would feel deeply guilty about it once someone pointed it out, and then they would agonize over it and overstep a lot of boundaries while trying to make amends for their overstepping of boundaries. Your guy didn't seem guilty in the slightest.

I 100% concur with Blogwriter. Your friend, Lonelyman, is EXTREMELY manipulative of you b/c you either choose not to, or don't have, very strong interpersonal boundaries with your overbearing male friend. Not OCD. Nope. Just a controlling, very manipulative person -- this friend of yours.

The only way to regain control of YOUR life and this 'friendship' with this man, is to stand up to him. He won't stop acting overbearing and controlling until you stop allowing him to act that way with you. Create consequences for his behavior with you, when it crosses the appropriate line from helpful to downright controlling. The consequence could be, you said no, so don't give in, and continue to say no. Don't show up just because he demands that you do. If he invites someone to 'give you some tips' tell him in a way he'll understand to stop doing that. Let him know it bothers you (because it does).

He will never change unless you set up consequences for him or conditions. Otherwise, he'll continue to walk all over you and be overbearing and continue to try to control every aspect of your friendship and life. And who needs that?

He sounds very emotionally exhausting to be around. And very controlling -- the type of person who doesn't respect other people's boundaries who makes every interaction all about himself, versus seeing interactions and situations from other people's points of view. Does he get really angry when people point out his overbearing behavior to him?

If you are afraid to tell him how his behavior makes you feel, that is a sign this friendship is super toxic to your well-being. Maybe think about what the benefit is to being this mans friend is for you? It doesn't sound like you are able to be yourself around him and that for me, would be a serious red flag. Why are you friends with him? Why do you put up with his behavior?

i covered that before. i wouldn't say super toxic but annoying yes. i could stop seeing him but dont as he has good qualities too. i explained that before. He is exhausting when obsessing but has many good points too. Not black and white

I was referring to whatever made you feel like screaming to begin with. Having that feeling made it sound like you weren't able to have a conversation with him about whatever was making you feel this way, or let him know how upsetting it was to you. At least a conversation that would resolve the difficulty.

Do you think that whatever was making you feel like screaming has been resolved?

It was a lot of things. I am in pain. I had no sleep the night before and was very tired.

I had a sort of conversation i said it is the girl's choice to do the work and it is his own job description to do his job as hired not to be part of a management committee.i am going to be more forceful in future

No still not sleep so i did not go out with him for coffee yeterday or today. I am too tired for it

Thanks for your interest

I have not read this entire thread, only the first few posts. So I might be way off...


is it possible that the man is desperately trying to endear you to him so you'll stay friends with him? Maybe he's thinking that if he assists you at every turn you'll stay friends with him because (he thinks) you'll need him in your life.


Then, too, maybe he thinks he's being a good friend by helping you out, giving you stuff, and so on.

Oh, I had misunderstood. I had thought it was what he was talking about that made you want to scream.

it what what he was saying plus my being tired/in pain

i think the giving is low self esteem

Yes, I agree. Maybe he thinks that by helping you out all the time it'll make up for him not feeling like you'll like him just for who he is, not for what he does for you. And I can definitely understand how that would be annoying.

he does it with everyone. even joined a free class he did not want cos the teacher, he knew,did not have many to study and it was her first time doing the class

i should say i still think he is a decent person. i am venting here. i am going to get much more assertive re the obsessions.. he does not 'help' me now cos i do not mention anything that could lead to it

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonelyMan he does it with everyone. even joined a free class he did not want cos the teacher, he knew,did not have many to study and it was her first time doing the class i should say i still think he is a decent person. i am venting here. i am going to get much more assertive re the obsessions.. he does not 'help' me now cos i do not mention anything that could lead to it

Oh, yeah, I can understand how you can think he's decent, but annoying. It made me giggle when you said you don't give him any reason to 'help' you now. Good strategy!

I think it would be helpful if you can decide if his good points are worth continuing the friendship I am not saying or judging. What I am saying only you can decide how important his friendship is to you Plus if you can be more assertive too.

i have to be careful what i say

After some peace after i called him on some things he is starting to annoy me again. Ringing me to collect him in town to bring him somewhere to order stuff that could done by phone. His real plan is then to suggest coffee as he seems not to want to go home. He asked me to drive him to deliver gifts on Monday because he likes to get everything done and not go out Xmas eve. It does not occur to him others are busy too. I have decided that in future i am not driving him anywhere i am not happen to be going and not doing taxi.

He bought beer for someone and told him he would not give it till xmas day as the man may drink it before. Why would you try to control when someone drinks beer? He is always putting down the man he bought beer for. Making fun of his attempts to cook xmas dinner for some friends. He says it will be liquid lunch. It may be but why would he judge it. I do not care what lunch people have


He seems to want to plan other's lives. I know he will text Stephen's day to go for coffee and has it planned. I will not go. Not going to see him till new year going to go to sales by myself.

He asked if i went down town on Xmas eve as if there is a war zone. This obsession with not going out xmas eve and wasting my time the days before really annoys me. Its almost like he thinks he is superior to people who do. He wants to get everything done then sit around wasting others time with no consideration of them. He gave me couple presents seems to think that entitles him to be driven around like a taxi.

Today he text me happy new year in the afternoon in case the "network goes down". Why would the network go down for him no more than anyone else? The real reason is he will be with his family and does not want to be disturbed later. I will not disturb him

It reminds me of time in the summer when i would test. If he did not want to be disturbed he would say "enjoying the sun see you next week" Very dismissive. His ex told me the same thing.If she text late at night he did not want to know

But if he wants anything like being driven to deliver gifts on day before xmas eve it does not matter if i am put out. i will be staying away from him and his- coffee- when- he does- not--want -to - be - home - alone in 2020

someone he knows moved to a new house. Now he is giving him things and telling me about it